To be so upset I’m missing my child’s nativity?

Yes, exactly. She’s not in the military on deployment somewhere for ten months but she’s still allowed to be sad.

The way I see it with schools, if your head is understanding and grants you this kind of request occasionally, you go above and beyond because there’s plenty of goodwill. If they don’t, then it’s bare minimum.

I suppose if there were no special activities at Christmas, there would be complaints. It isn’t possible to accommodate everyone’s wants and needs and make allowances for a variety of jobs, with or without flexibility.

I hated it

I’m a TA and I’d happily cover class for my teacher to watch their child’s nativity.

Your own time? Unpaid?

I think this is a reflection of the times, where getting 4 year olds reading and writing etc results in them being so exhausted that an evening performance isn't considered.

I am sure I am not alone in those evening performances of my own childhood being one of my lasting memories of childhood. The excitement of going back to school in the dark and being on the stage in front of proud parents.

I live in a village ie not much travel, where asking children to come back to school at 6pm seems to work OK.

Who would support children to put on an evening show? Teachers who need to be at home looking after their own families?

The point of a Nativity play for small children is to learn to work together, follow instructions, perform to an audience etc. The audience including your parents is a by product of the exercise.

I know that. But lying and claiming you're sick is unprofessional conduct.

What is the point of doing it if your parents cannot come to watch?!

https://www.gov.uk/parental-leave

Employers do not have to let you have it off to watch your child for an hour in the school play. Yours did. You were lucky.

No because they are probably thinking of the children not the parents. As they should.

As a one off they would survive! Every single school i have attended, friends schools, my kids schools etc have always had at least one evening performance.

Many schools realise that many (most?) 4 yr olds are exhausted enough at this time of year, and wouldn't cope well with being asked to return in the evening and perform.

Are the school not doing any evening shows? Surely lots of parentswon't be able to get time off work?

I know the child won't suffer, but something a lot of mums are bad at doing is advocating for their own feelings. It's OK to feel you have missed out and would have liked it, even if it has no consequence for your child. You are important too.

It is also frustrating when it's an employer being crap, rather than a necessity of the role, as plenty of schools do let teachers have nativity off.

I’m a TA and I’d happily cover class for my teacher to watch their child’s nativity. I appreciate they’ll be lots of things during the school year that you’d like to go to, but I think the Christmas nativity is a little bit special.

Is there any chance you can go into school tomorrow and ask SLT again? What would generally happen if you got sick during the school day? Who would cover then?

I’m not suggesting you throw a sicky. That’s an awful idea. It’s a very small world.

Strange bunch of mums in this thread all trying to outdo each other on who has it worse in terms of time off with their kids. It’s unfortunate for any parent who has to miss anything, and it’s not a contest.

Perfectly understandable for OP to be upset about missing her child’s nativity. That doesn’t invalidate everyone else’s experience.

The sad thing is, there are patents who complain that their child's teacher is missing so they have a cover, or that they have to bring their child in for an evening performance (whole thread on her a few days ago about how unreasonable it is for schools to have evening performances)

I work for myself now but literally never had an issue taking it for single days at a time.

Again, you were simply wrong to say “parental leave isn’t for that.” So just stop.

Some employers will let you, it officially the parental leave you are legally entitled to must be taken in blocks of one week at a time.

I can see why this is upsetting - I’m a working parent who CAN easily get time off for a nativity or other school event but I would swap that for all school holidays off with them, to be honest. You’re very lucky to have that. I’ve never missed a nativity but I have resented having to put my children into holiday clubs on hot summer days so that I can go to work.

"...unless the employer agrees otherwise."
https://www.gov.uk/parental-leave/entitlement

Ah you got lucky

You must take parental leave as whole weeks (for example 1 week or 2 weeks) rather than individual days, unless your employer agrees otherwise or if your child is disabled.

I missed all of nativity and sports day as I had to save all my annual leave to cover the school holidays. Luckily we had grand parents to send and I don’t think my children were too bothered as long as they had some “representation” in the room. I don’t remember this as a big issue for any of us to be honest.