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Original poster

To not want to let my sons dad see him at Christmas

30 replies

Rebelrebelcat · 01/12/2024 11:54

Long story short as this same scenerio has happened before 2 years ago..

My 7 year olds Dad works in the army and sees son unreliably EOW. A week before DS birthday in September when I was picking him up his DF told me he was being posted abroad and wouldn't know when he would be back. Apart from a text on DS birthday I have had no contact from what so ever. However, as he has done this before I knew he was lying about working away.. He plays for a football team locally and he has been on the team lineup each week and scoring goals ect, even one on his sons birthday when he text wish he could see him! Now suddenly as soon as the christmas period comes he as text me asking to see son next weekend as he is 'back from working away this week and wants to see him'

During the time he's been gone and my son as asked about him I have just told my son daddy is working away and said he will see you when he gets back.. I have never told him the truth that his dad is actually just living his normal life and not wanting to see him, as this would hurt him... I've made plenty of plans throughout December and Xmas day and now his dad will expect to see son on Christmas day... But I'm thinking why should he get to see him when he's been lying about being away the whole time. Why should I cancel our Christmas day plans cause he suddenly wants to be a dad again??

I haven't replied to his text yet as I'm unsure what to do. I want my son to see his dad but I also don't want the dad to think he can just pick and choose when he sees him and lie....
Thank you for any advice... X

OP posts:
TeddyBeans · 01/12/2024 11:59

If you've made plans, stick to them. But be gracious and allow ds to see his dad. It doesn't have to be for long, a couple hours after school, a day on a weekend if you can. The evening of Christmas day or boxing day depending on what your plans are.

I have the same issue with my son's dad, cropping up a week or two before a date he wants extra time with ds and I've turned him down because I make plans. I've told him he needs to give at least a month's notice if he wants any extra time and anything closer than that is likely to be refused as I like to make the most of my weekends with ds.

Try and remember it's in ds's best interests to see/have a relationship with both parents. Facilitate it where you can without ruining your own plans otherwise that will become the precedent

Sirzy · 01/12/2024 11:59

I would tell him the dates that suit you for him to see him.

Original poster
Rebelrebelcat · 01/12/2024 11:59

Thanks for your reply.... No court order in place no.... He did message again at half 3 this morning with a '? ?'. To which I've left unopened. He played a match again yesterday 40 mins away and scored so he would have gone out drinking to celebrate I guess, hence the early morning text

OP posts:
OatFlatWhiteForMePlease · 01/12/2024 11:57

I would tell him I knew but haven’t told DC to spare their feelings. Unfortunately you now have plans due to his lack of communication but I’m sure DC will be happy to see you on Boxing day (insert day that suits you).

YorkshireIndie · 01/12/2024 11:56

What a wonderful example of a devoted father 😵‍💫🙄😒

Do you have a court order? I would be tempted to be petty and ignore his message until he gets in contact again