Vile text

You should send an email to the school with a screenshot of the message.
At the very least it’s to give them context if anything happens at school and at best they might raise a safeguarding concern about the son and what he’s exposed to. A 10 year old knowing that language seems mad to me.

I would definitely be telling school if for no other reason than if there is any come back on your son at school then they are aware and ready to deal with it knowing the background. They can keep a closer eye on the 2 boys relationship for a while.

I think you’ve handled it perfectly OP and yes definitely contact the school, this is exactly the sort of thing that pushes some children over the edge and the results are heartbreaking. You will give the school the heads up and help to make them aware of any changes in the children’s behaviour.
Well done to your son for showing it to you, it’s something special to have such a trusting relationship.

What is the reasoning behind sending something so vile from the boy and his mum?

I came across a safeguarding issue while checking DS’s online activity when he first started using Instagram in yr6. My DSis and I had an arrangement with our children early on that they had to allow us to monitor and advise them in the early days.

DS did get some hassle for the issue since I brought it to the attention of school. Suffice to say it was a video which was posted during a sleepover, and very much a safeguarding issue even if done in complete innocence. DS didn’t see the video neither did I but it was the comments left that alluded to the nature of the video that alerted me.

There were many occasions in the early days of DS’s online activity where we had to discuss content. But it’s how they learn, in the same way they learn to behave in all other social situations.

In DS’s case he did get blocked from a few accounts because the users were obviously worried that I’d report them. Those who were being monitored by their own parents had no problem. It also meant that DS didn’t receive any bullying or obscene messages.

Once DS started yr7 and was aware of the whole “once you post it, it’s there forever” he was far more cautious about what he posted. Like many young people ( he’s now at uni and in his 20s) they do everything via Snapchat. Is now an adult who is very aware of the risks around social media and actually prefers FaceTime rather than texting.

If you think that this message is a big red flag raise it with school. It could be a bullying issue , someone else may be composing the texts and your DS’s friend may be too frightened to tell anyone.

And your even considering your son should remain friends with this child. He needs professional help. It's a predicament but your childs safety should come first. Block him & take him off group chat & only allow one to one messages. In fact I think I'd remove his phone until further notice.The next time it could be a knife.

Teacher here. You MUST tell the school. I have dealt with things like this at school as have members of the Senior Leadership Team. It's very important for them to know and keep an eye on the dynamics. It's a safeguarding issue.

you're being very vague about what the other mum has said.. and kinda stuck it in the middle of another post in a casual manner.

what HAS the other mum said, and what have you asked her?

I would raise it with the school (and tell the other mum that you have) very much from a can there be a Year 6 "talk" or similar about the seriousness of words plus it's online bullying and the police can get involved approach.

This

Have you heard back from the mum yet? X

My question too.

I was DSL in a high school for many years OP. Some of the texts etc that I’ve seen in my role are shocking and horrifying. Because of bullying etc, we used to have access to previous infant school safeguarding records. Sometimes older kids had done similar to this friend at similar ages.
I know you are unable to reconcile the lovely, cute lad with the sender of these texts, but they are the same person. You need to accept this. Forget about the mum being a friend and lovely, that’s irrelevant.
This lad has done this, and the school must know, and DSL will hopefully spend time with him to carefully unpack what led him to do this. You are not protecting him if you minimise this, in fact you will be protecting him if you escalate to DSL.

@JustWondering222 have you not asked WHY the message was sent?

I can understand your concern about informing the school but I would 100%. If you later found out that he sent multiple or further messages to other kids and did nothing, that would be very hard to live with. I appreciate the mum might be upset but her son told yours to kill himself. That steps over a boundary into the realms of “let the professionals deal with this”.

I think you're a bit naive about the use of foul language in primary schools. I think i've heard nearly every swear word whilst in the playground and im sure the teachers within the primary school will tell you they hear them all the time as well. Kids don't really know what they mean but it does seem most of them can use these words in context...

If you are friends with the other parents i think i would have called them before sending the message over.

This is a ridiculous response. It's nothing to do with 'putting responsibility onto others'. You clearly have no idea what's going on in schools, but those of us who actually work in schools really, really appreciate knowing this kind of stuff. It's unlikely to be an isolated incident and the probability of these things spilling over into school life is very high. We are dealing with stuff like this every single day. Is it right? No. Is it the reality of life in schools these days? Absolutely.

Definitely let the school know as this could be a safeguarding issue for the other boy, however friendly you are with his mother. I also think you should block the other child on your son's phone, exactly as you would if someone messaged you in those terms.

You need to tell the school and you can't let your friendship with this boys mother cloud your judgement. For all you know this could be part of a bigger pattern, even things that haven't come to light yet and working on the assumption that this "nice" family will make it all OK is dangerous.For a 10 year old to do this out of the blue, not even in the context of a spat is odd.

It may be that something is going on in the background, it may not, but you aren't in the position to make that judgement. The school also ned to be able to keep an eye on your son in case of follow up from his friend.

My son's primary has asked that parents tell them about stuff like this, they consider talking to the kids about internet safety, cyber bullying etc part of their safeguarding responsibilities.

Don’t be daft.

Perhaps the boy who sent the text is repeating things said or messaged to him.