Vile text

It's possible that what caused this outburst was something very trivial by adult standards. At one of my daughters birthday parties a child became extremely upset almost hysterical. She was so incoherent it took quite a while for me to discover exactly what had upset her. I was horrified. I knew this child well and she was a very sensible confident little girl.
It turned out another child had said that her mother's wallpaper was crap. That was it nothing else. This other child had never been in her house and her mother didn't actually have wallpaper.

This happened at our primary school, you would be surprised how many swear words they all know and I've heard them when gaming...do you know if the said friend has started gaming with other kids online as ive ward a horrendous amount of talk like the text online..
Just a thought as you say it's out of character!

This.

Op has already confirmed that the child sent the text.

I think :
a)I'd contact the mum again- by phone and have a conversation about it. I would be really concerned about what had prompted something so horrible.
b) I'd want something to happen between the two boys face to face to sort this out- with both parents there eg at your house for 15 minutes, so that they are not facing each other at school tomorrow with no 'putting right' having happened.
c) I'd be gradually cooling that relationship .
d) I would definitely tell the school.

This was my thought too.

@EdithBond agree with you also.

Where did this poster say it wasn’t ?

@Allfur you're right. This isn't to shame you OP. My child has one. It's a nightmare, I hate it. We take it away and monitor it but I feel sick every day about what's going on with it.

Kids are older now in so many ways than we were at their age.

The minimum age to use WhatsApp in the UK is 13 - it was 16 until April this year - aware because I got involved with it as a safeguarding issue at work.
Not saying the bullying wouldn't happen over sms, put if your parenting decision is to override controls, there are consequences.

OP it really doesn’t matter how sorry either the mother or her son is, and whether you upset her or not doesn’t come into it. This is a criminal offence and her son is of the age of responsibility. Your son is the priority here and you need to act so that this boy knows the gravity of what he has done - especially as he has a friend who is vulnerable because of SEN. At the very least report it to the school and make sure they take it seriously. I’m really sorry but I would be reporting it to the police to make sure they scare this child into realising what he’s done - both to stop him targeting your son in the future, and any other child he has contact with. The vile nature of the text is bad enough, but the allusion to suicide is another level entirely. This is too serious a matter to try to deal with among yourselves.

Most kids have a phone in Year 6 these days.

Always better to have open communication with your kids, teach them of the dangers without scaring them too much and teach them how to be sensible and safe.

Same with drugs, sex etc. You can’t shelter them forever by saying don’t have it or do it or pretending it doesn’t happen. Better to teach them how to be safe.

Absolutely not irrelavent, they're too young for smart phones

Similar experience, but not quite so bad, when dd and her school class were almost all just starting with FB, year 10.

Her best mare put a horrible postup about dd, which luckily I saw first. I rang her friend'smother immediate - we had that sort of relationship - and discovered i was so angry I could barely speak. Her mum got the post tken down straight away. DD and her mate had had a passionate argument and her friend wasn't as Eloquent as dd so put her frustration into FB. Theyremained good friends as dd never saw the actual post. Her mum was always a little wary of me after that sadly.

I expect the boy copied it from an online source or at least was inspired by something he saw / received himself. It's a nasty thing to happen.

Why does it matter ? It’s the content of the message and the allusion to suicide that matters. Whatever prompted the message can’t possibly justify that.

Doesn’t matter whether she’s cross or not. This is very serious. And OP has said she messaged her to say what happened yesterday - and no reply. So if it were me, the next step is the school and possibly the police. It shouldn’t be left to parents. It’s a serious offence and has to be dealt with in that context.

Can't believe you haven't asked why he sent the message.

No, but the school can increase their online education time and discuss bullying.

Not sure how the school comes into this? Was it sent on a school email address? During school time? I think you should be taking this to the police. The school has no jurisdiction over what happens out of school time

So what age is okay? 11, 12, 14? The point is that smart phones are here to stay and not going anywhere. This sort of thing can happen at any age. It is more important that children and young adults are coached in how to handle phones. To not be glued to them all the time. To not be using them during meals or tv. To not be frightened to share worrying messages with parents. To have parental controls. And to have outside interests so that the phone is a small part of what they are. The OP seems to be handling her son having a phone well. He shares with her what he has seen and she has access to it. I remember one smug mum at my child's school telling me her son wasn't on any sort of social media. It was well know he was using it at other people's houses under an alias.

If I were the mother of this boy I'd be glad if you brought it to the teacher's attention - imagine if it's not curbed now? He'll be a nightmare teenager if he doesn't have to face up to this.

When it comes out in the media, if it ever does, about TikTok and paedophilia, the legal fees will be catastrophic.