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Original poster

Vile text

488 replies

JustWondering222 · 01/12/2024 10:47

My 10yr old received a horrendous text last night (honestly I've never seen anything like it. So many swear words, telling him to kill himself 😧 telling him to suck pussy, telling him everyone hates him (the f word was used quite a few times as were other foul swear words.. basically every other word was a swear word and the general message was to go kill yourself because you r the worst of the worst) from someone that's normally a good friend. I was really shocked because my DC is quite innocent and didn't even understand half the message or half the words used.

I sent the mum a screenshot so she can ask her child about it and have talked to my DC about it and he feels ok. I praised him for showing me the text. He knows I've texted the mum so is worried he'll get called a snitch, but otherwise he's fine. I've reassured him he did the right thing. He's quite popular at school and has never been bullied or received anything like this before. The two boys are normally good friends and have a lovely friendship group. They've known each other several years, had playdates etc..

My question is, is it enough just to raise this with the boys mum, or would you also mention something to school? (I'm just quite shocked at the language and venom coming out of a 10yr old. I'm a bit worried about the boy to be honest.. Also a bit worried because another child might get v upset by this kind of message. My son has another friend that is very vulnerable and has sen and the boy that sent the message previously had a falling out with this child. If he sent such a text to this boy, or another like him, it would likely quite severely impact them.)

OP posts:
sunshine237 · 01/12/2024 21:26

sunnysideup05 · 01/12/2024 20:03

I think when parents make the safety argument to defend giving their young children smart phones, it’s understandable but not entirely right.

I actually think it’s more about parents wanting to maintain control via the tracking apps etc - what parent wouldn’t want to know exactly where their 10 year old is at all times? But I think we need to be honest about this. It’s just as much about parents wanting the comfort of the tracking as it is about their own child’s safety. On balance I think that parents are prioritising their (natural) desire to know where their kids are at all times over their children’s actual safety and well-being.

I agree with other posters that giving smart phones to primary aged children and young teenagers is collective societal madness. I think brick phones are a good compromise.

All so true.

EdithBond · 01/12/2024 21:25

Tittat50 · 01/12/2024 19:30

OP I've seen weird posts on TTok joking about ' go kill yourself '. It's almost like the full relevance and implications of this aren't entirely understood by some younger brains. I am not excusing it, because it's wrong and concerning.

I've seen it used during gaming as a 'joke' expression.

You're now prepared for the hell that may ensue come secondary where even if yours isn't onSMedia outside of TTok, peers will be.

You'll need to scan the phone daily is my advice now we are dealing with all sorts of horrors.

My conclusion, this stuff is god damn dangerous.

I mentioned this thread to my (teen/young adult) DCs while we were having dinner, because they’d got chatting to someone on the way home and found out a kid they used to know (late teens) took his own life.

They said the sort of stuff you describe in the message (kill yourself, suck your mum, expletives) is really common gaming/TikTok talk and not said seriously or maliciously. The dreaded ‘banter’.

But of course, it’s not OK. Some kids do take it seriously. It’s the suggestibility (e.g. of self-harm and misogyny) to kids who are easily influenced. Parents of all generations are (or would be) horrified what their kids say to each other or get up to. It’s always been so, long before smart phones. We were up to all sorts when I was a kid. But, it can be a minefield when kids have the entire internet at their fingertips. We’re the first generation of parents to have to deal with it, so few reference points.

IMHO the key is to make sure your kids talk to you openly, keep an eye on their phone use and teach them at home respect for, and sensitivity to, others and how to be sensible and safe, to counterbalance what they hear and see from others. It sounds like you do all these things @JustWondering222. And in my experience schools do a great job too. But the police would be OTT.

sunshine237 · 01/12/2024 21:23

'A brick phone wouldn't prevent a text message saying the same thing.'

Oh come on... this child who sent it is in the online world. The message has clearly been copied and pasted from on line somewhere somehow. He hasn't drafted it himself. It wouldn't have happened on a dumb phone.

The more all of our kids are in this world, the more it will happen. Comparing a phone with a browser to a dumb phone is being in complete denial. Of course kids this age all having dumb phones (or no phones!) would help.

unclemtty · 01/12/2024 21:22

coffeesaveslives · 01/12/2024 11:42

WhatsApp is basically just a way of sending texts and photos over the internet - it's not really any different to text messages in that respect.

I know that technically they need to be 13 but I don't think it can be compared to traditional social media. And yes, anyone can contact them but the same applies to regular text messages too.

Show quote history

It's not just the messages, it's the images. I've worked in a school, yr 7's sending each other really nasty porn images and videos of be-heading etc.
All 'fun' and 'banter' and 'bullying'.

I couldn't watch or look at a lot of the content, I'm not working in vice, I was a teacher, I don't get paid enough to have my head filled with the horror that is on the internet thanks.

I don't believe it's that suitable for children to be exposed to either.
I don't believe it's harmless.
I don't believe they have to toughen up and see the worse aspects that humanity is capable of on their smart phones.
Maybe I'm old fashioned?

ThatPearlViewer · 01/12/2024 21:21

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Pomegranatecarnage · 01/12/2024 21:17

My DD showed me a horribly abusive message in a sixth form group chat that was directed at a student with autism. I reported it to the safeguarding lead as it contained similar references to suicide. The school took it seriously even though the students were all 17/18. I’d refer it to Safeguarding. I work in a high school and this would be taken seriously.

Tittat50 · 01/12/2024 21:01

@Outwiththenorm jeez. This stuff feels like some sort of zombie virus! Hate it all.

Velvetcupcakes · 01/12/2024 20:59

So glad you are telling the school. This happened to my son at 14 by a friend of his. We showed the screenshots to the vice-principal (I’m in Canada), and the student was expelled from the school. In our case both students were SEN. The school also contacted police - they paid us a visit and asked if we wanted to press charges (we didn’t).

Outwiththenorm · 01/12/2024 20:54

As to TikTok, apparently kids can access by going into a maps app, searching for the headquarters, then clicking on the web link there. For parents telling (congratulating) themselves that their children don’t have access.

Em1ly2023 · 01/12/2024 20:50

Absolutely share with the school.
Very, very concerning behaviour from a child.
(& well done to your son for showing you).

Maray1967 · 01/12/2024 20:49

Rosscameasdoody · 01/12/2024 15:06

It doesn’t matter. The fact is that an abusive text suggesting suicide was sent from that phone, and it warrants investigation. There is absolutely no excuse not to.

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Absolutely- it needs investigation. But it might not have been written by the phone’s owner. The mother should have responded to OP and should be on to it.

OrchardBlack · 01/12/2024 20:37

TiredEyesToday · 01/12/2024 11:51

Respectfully- I completely disagree. And this isn’t a judgement on your choices- the choices you’re making are the choices 90% of other parents are making, and that’s clearly what you think is right for your family.

In my family, I believe that my child doesn’t needs to experience social media bullying to gain strength and perspective. It’s wild to me that we give children freedom to explore the entire world online, but track their physical whereabouts in their home communities.

I’m not saying that there are easy answers to this, but my feeling is that something has gone very very wrong with society, and the choice I’m making, is that I want to withhold smartphones and social media from my child until 14, and give them as much freedom in the real world as possible. That also comes with risk, of course, but it’s the risk I prefer to take.

Show quote history

I agree.

I honestly think we'll look back at this access to phones for kids in the future the way we look at victorian kids going up chimneys now.

Allfur · 01/12/2024 20:34

No phone of any kind would be better for primary age

Original poster
JustWondering222 · 01/12/2024 20:31

Charmatt · 01/12/2024 20:04

A brick phone wouldn't prevent a text message saying the same thing.

Show quote history

I agree

When I was young and I walked home from school or played out, I always had a 10p or phone card to use to phone home in emergencies. There aren't any phone boxes these days so a phone is v handy. My son will often text after school to let me know he's running late because he and friends went to the park, or he'll text to ask if he can go to a friend's house. I often get photo updates of him and his friends building a den or something :) He uses his phone v responsibly. I don't see the difference between text / whatsapping on a smart phone Vs a box phone, as long as parental monitoring is in place and children cannot access things like tiktok etc.. The smart phone has the added advantage that if child was in danger etc.. we could track the phone.

OP posts:
Powerofflower · 01/12/2024 20:27

Yes I expect school will do a lesson on phone/internet safety and how to behave to others.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 01/12/2024 20:27

Tell the school. It's a safe guarding issue.
If this boy is over 10 he could get into trouble with the police. Hopefully his parents will deal with it in a suitable way.

PlumpHobbit · 01/12/2024 20:25

It could add to a picture they potentially have about the other boy, there will be a reporting system they log any concerns on, this could be part of a bigger picture

Its worrying the way he's using the language in the right context, it could be something such as access to watching completely inappropriate things for his age (still a concern) or more to it

PlumpHobbit · 01/12/2024 20:22

I'd be asking to speak to the DSL (designated safeguarding lead) first thing Monday morning and showing them the screenshots

LuluBlakey1 · 01/12/2024 20:11

DS1 - almost 10- goes to a middle school and they are not allowed phones at school at all in Y5 and 6. In Y 7 and 8 they can have them but must be in bags and turned off from the minute they enter the school site until they leave.

It's not an issue. DS1 has never asked for a phone. DH and I rarely use ours at home so he doesn't see them much. We don't have any computer games stuff either.

We do have ipads but use them sparingly when DC are around.

localnotail · 01/12/2024 20:05

Definitely raise it with the school. I actually wound have not sent anything to the other mum before talking to school.

Charmatt · 01/12/2024 20:04

sunnysideup05 · 01/12/2024 20:03

I think when parents make the safety argument to defend giving their young children smart phones, it’s understandable but not entirely right.

I actually think it’s more about parents wanting to maintain control via the tracking apps etc - what parent wouldn’t want to know exactly where their 10 year old is at all times? But I think we need to be honest about this. It’s just as much about parents wanting the comfort of the tracking as it is about their own child’s safety. On balance I think that parents are prioritising their (natural) desire to know where their kids are at all times over their children’s actual safety and well-being.

I agree with other posters that giving smart phones to primary aged children and young teenagers is collective societal madness. I think brick phones are a good compromise.

A brick phone wouldn't prevent a text message saying the same thing.

sunnysideup05 · 01/12/2024 20:03

I think when parents make the safety argument to defend giving their young children smart phones, it’s understandable but not entirely right.

I actually think it’s more about parents wanting to maintain control via the tracking apps etc - what parent wouldn’t want to know exactly where their 10 year old is at all times? But I think we need to be honest about this. It’s just as much about parents wanting the comfort of the tracking as it is about their own child’s safety. On balance I think that parents are prioritising their (natural) desire to know where their kids are at all times over their children’s actual safety and well-being.

I agree with other posters that giving smart phones to primary aged children and young teenagers is collective societal madness. I think brick phones are a good compromise.

Charmatt · 01/12/2024 20:03

Behaviour like this escalates if left unchecked. You need to report this to the school and the police. The police have programmes they can refer perpetrators to rather than prosecuting them.

CustardySergeant · 01/12/2024 20:02

The OP has said numerous times that she will be telling the school tomorrow morning.

YourRubyLion · 01/12/2024 20:01

We had a situation unfold in my childs primary school luke this. My child received a text as did many others. It escalated as was left undealt with properly and was really terrible. You need to tell the school. The school should then contact the police and get them to do a talk to all the kids. Social services will be informed and involved if it escalates. The school need to know and they need to investigate and get it under control asap.