Vile text

Wtf? Talk about victim blaming! I can't believe you actually said that.

Restating, please, please, please send an email to the Headteacher, who is likely the safeguarding lead, of your school now with the screenshot so they can start preparing for conversations tomorrow. This really is a safeguarding concern. That kind of language and telling another child to kill themselves repeatedly has all kinds of red flags all over it and there may be other issues with said child that you're not privy to.

The fact you haven't heard back from the other 'lovely mum' yet is not surprising, especially if there are other issues, and they may be preparing to go on the offensive.

Why I always suggest you go to the school and not the parents with these things. Even 'lovely mums' and 'friends' will turn in an instant if they feel their child may get into trouble.

Your poor son; that’s a nasty message. Could it have been sent by a sibling? I’ve seen this happen unfortunately.
Definitely report to school- they need to be aware and have it on their radar. Your son will need support from them regardless of it not happening at school.
DSL should be informed.
There might be incidents at school following this message.
Good luck OP

How long ago did you tell his mother? Isn't it a bit odd that she hasn't reacted immediately?
Why is it odd? She may have not seen it yet. There's many days when I'm at home i leave my phone in one room inadvertently and get on with my day and then later find I've got several messages. Sometimes my phone is still on silent as I've forgotten to turn it back on. She could be at work, at the gym, anything
Another scenario is she is trying to find out what the hell is going on.

Agreed. My concern is that the OP is being over optimistic on assuming that the other mum will react as she woudl like her to because "she's lovely". When the chips are down and her own child is being criticised, she may not be nearly as lovely as she seems superficially.

I think the points made about overestimating the reaction of the mother are salient. I told my then best friend how her son had caused great harm to my daughter. She didn’t speak to me for 2 years. She was my best friend. She even walked out of a supermarket away from me when I tried to talk to her. Never underestimate delusional protective parenting.

THIS. Primary school chair of governors and retired secondary headteacher here - I'd see this as a safeguarding issue with regard to the child who sent the message. If your child is worried about being called a "snitch", make it clear that you - as should any parent - regularly check his phone.

Never underestimate the delusion and/or shock of other parents in these situations. There is one girl in my DD’s year 7 group who has been into trouble for answering back to and swearing at teachers, my DD has told me some of the awful things she’s said. But the mum had said it’s because the teachers pick on her and “It’s not Jessica’s fault she has a resting bitch face, the teachers are always telling her off because they think she’s giving them dirty looks”. Deluded

It is best to mention it to school. If something happens in school at least they know a bit of what's happened behind the scenes.

You're right about the phone use being the parents decision so its her responsibility to manage that.

Bit whataboutery and victim blaming here ... this vile abusive content could have been communicated equally on a text. Lets not derail.
I don't think it's victim blaming at all. Some parents dont help their children to stay safe via their phones, they let them go on WhatsApp and Snapchat. In fact phones have given people a false sense of security.

I think they need to get to the bottom of who actually sent the text and why. If it was his friend there's a lot to unpick why he has done this.
It's an upsetting thing to have happened ed and understably the lad is going to be bewildered why is frie d has seemingly turned on him.

I agree that this message could just have easily been sent via text so a basic call/text only phone isn’t a guarantee.

Unless the kid who sent it admits to it, I’d be concerned that someone has grabbed his phone and typed it themselves, or the friend was bullied into sending the message. Definitely school, it’s a safeguarding issue and extremely scary. Good luck .

How long ago did you tell his mother? Isn't it a bit odd that she hasn't reacted immediately? How long would you take to contact her if it had been the other way around? I know if it were my child who's done something like that, I'd be onto it straightaway, both with the child but also the mother of the other child.

I was wondering this too.

Agree with this.

My DD has restricted times for her phone and one night after I took it off her for the night I saw she’d been added to a group where another girl (who I didn’t even know) was having awful things said to her by someone I also didn’t know. I reported it to the school and even though it wasn’t my DD being bullied I made sure grown ups knew. I told DD what I did in the interest of honesty and she panicked about her being associated with “grassing” (which disappointed me but I suppose there are repercussions in school for people considered to be a ‘grass’) but I let her know that her reputation isn’t as important as the safety of this other child so it was basically though shit. I would never dreamed of asking for her permission

Your instinct to raise it with the school is spot on.

Victim blaming at its finest!

This child has told your son to kill himself. That’s not only disgusting but also potentially illegal and the ramifications of that are manifold.

You have a duty to tell the school in my opinion and maybe even further.

That kind of content being sent by a 10yo absolutely needs to be reported for his own safeguarding, nevermind your own son. Explicit sexual language, inciting suicide, these are not normal 10yo behaviours. I volunteer with 7-10yos and if any of them came out of with any of that stuff, I am duty bound to report it as a safeguarding concern.

My first thought was that it could have been an older sibling or something, as it is very extreme for a friend to send out of the blue, let alone at the age of 10.

Bit whataboutery and victim blaming here ... this vile abusive content could have been communicated equally on a text. Lets not derail.

Why have they got phones

Is it possible the other child has forwarded on something that has been sent to him and that this is doing the rounds- and that therefore school would be very grateful for you sharing it along with a lot of other probably scared year 6s?

Do you think it is possible that someone else got hold of the other boy's phone and sent this message? Perhaps an older sibling?

One problem with WhatsApp is that someone can delete the message they sent so unless you screenshot it quickly enough they can say you're lying.

I'm interested to see what this mother says. I wouldn't be surprised if the boy says someone else sent the message instead.

I'd ask your son for his 'permission'. He's the one who's going to feel the repercussions at school if word gets around.

Dont be ridiculous.

This YOUNG CHILD is a victim of extreme emotional violence and abuse.

The school will have a confidential process to protect your DS going forward.

They will also have safeguarding concerns for the child perpetrator.

Hand it to the professionals. This is very serious and sensitive.

I would have zero/neutral futher communication with the other Mum.

My DS was bulled at school .... it was another child so distressed with what he saw happen to my son who reported it.

This website gives great advice and guidance on setting parental controls on smartphones www.internetmatters.org/parental-controls/smartphones-and-other-devices/apple-iphone-and-ipad-parental-control-guide/#step_2

So would I.

I expect the police would be too busy, but a copper having chat with the child who sent such an awful message might deter him from doing it again . After all, it probably meets the threshold for an offence under the Malicious Communications Act.