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Original poster

Vile text

488 replies

JustWondering222 · 01/12/2024 10:47

My 10yr old received a horrendous text last night (honestly I've never seen anything like it. So many swear words, telling him to kill himself 😧 telling him to suck pussy, telling him everyone hates him (the f word was used quite a few times as were other foul swear words.. basically every other word was a swear word and the general message was to go kill yourself because you r the worst of the worst) from someone that's normally a good friend. I was really shocked because my DC is quite innocent and didn't even understand half the message or half the words used.

I sent the mum a screenshot so she can ask her child about it and have talked to my DC about it and he feels ok. I praised him for showing me the text. He knows I've texted the mum so is worried he'll get called a snitch, but otherwise he's fine. I've reassured him he did the right thing. He's quite popular at school and has never been bullied or received anything like this before. The two boys are normally good friends and have a lovely friendship group. They've known each other several years, had playdates etc..

My question is, is it enough just to raise this with the boys mum, or would you also mention something to school? (I'm just quite shocked at the language and venom coming out of a 10yr old. I'm a bit worried about the boy to be honest.. Also a bit worried because another child might get v upset by this kind of message. My son has another friend that is very vulnerable and has sen and the boy that sent the message previously had a falling out with this child. If he sent such a text to this boy, or another like him, it would likely quite severely impact them.)

OP posts:
Happyher · 01/12/2024 13:24

I would let the school know. It might not be the first time somethings happened with this child and they may need to inform other agencies.

LivinInYourBigGlassHouseWithAView · 01/12/2024 13:24

BodenCardiganNot · 01/12/2024 13:02

Restating, please, please, please send an email to the Headteacher, who is likely the safeguarding lead, of your school now

Do you not think the head teacher is entitled to have a Sunday off work??

I teach in primary.

Head won't have to respond this weekend, but it will be on their radar first thing Monday morning. As it needs to be.

Heads' inboxes generally have automated responses talking about response timelines, but will be monitored for safeguarding concerns, not just by the had by by their PAs, etc.

You can't control when people send emails, and you shouldn't because everyone has their own lives and schedules, but you CAN control when you read and respond to them.

NoStrawsLeft · 01/12/2024 13:16

School 100% as this child has learnt this somewhere and might be at home and there might be safeguarding issues with the other child.

Cerealkiller4U · 01/12/2024 13:14

JustWondering222 · 01/12/2024 10:47

My 10yr old received a horrendous text last night (honestly I've never seen anything like it. So many swear words, telling him to kill himself 😧 telling him to suck pussy, telling him everyone hates him (the f word was used quite a few times as were other foul swear words.. basically every other word was a swear word and the general message was to go kill yourself because you r the worst of the worst) from someone that's normally a good friend. I was really shocked because my DC is quite innocent and didn't even understand half the message or half the words used.

I sent the mum a screenshot so she can ask her child about it and have talked to my DC about it and he feels ok. I praised him for showing me the text. He knows I've texted the mum so is worried he'll get called a snitch, but otherwise he's fine. I've reassured him he did the right thing. He's quite popular at school and has never been bullied or received anything like this before. The two boys are normally good friends and have a lovely friendship group. They've known each other several years, had playdates etc..

My question is, is it enough just to raise this with the boys mum, or would you also mention something to school? (I'm just quite shocked at the language and venom coming out of a 10yr old. I'm a bit worried about the boy to be honest.. Also a bit worried because another child might get v upset by this kind of message. My son has another friend that is very vulnerable and has sen and the boy that sent the message previously had a falling out with this child. If he sent such a text to this boy, or another like him, it would likely quite severely impact them.)

I’d be letting the police know.

lolly792 · 01/12/2024 13:11

@JustWondering222

Absolutely inform the school for the reasons explained above.

And while your parenting choices are yours, I think you're being very naive to think WhatsApp is just the same as sending a text message. There are different features and apart from anything else, the fact there's a minimum age means teenagers some years older than your child are far more likely to be using it.

Rhaidimiddim · 01/12/2024 13:10

This happened to my SD.

It was my DD that sent her the text.

Except that it wasn't.

DD was at a friend's house, and the friend had some lad friends there who got hold of DD's phone and sent the text deliberately to cause trouble.

Please check in with the Mum to get the full story and what she's done about it.

Corinthiana · 01/12/2024 13:06

Thisisnotmyid · 01/12/2024 13:04

This absolutely! I always tell my DD to blame me for everything she feels uncomfortable with. She doesn’t want to go somewhere? My mum said no. The teacher found out about something (such as this scenario) my mum checks my phone. She knows I don’t care if her friends like me I’m always happy to be the bad guy and it saves face for her to blame me and call me whatever to her social circle.

Show quote history

Good parenting 👍

Thisisnotmyid · 01/12/2024 13:04

Enoughofthisnow · 01/12/2024 11:15

This. Tell your son to blame you 100% for any fallout from this hut it has to be reported. I knew of similar and the child who sent the messages was experiencing abuse, which was stopped and the child protected. No fallout occurred, all were grateful.

Show quote history

This absolutely! I always tell my DD to blame me for everything she feels uncomfortable with. She doesn’t want to go somewhere? My mum said no. The teacher found out about something (such as this scenario) my mum checks my phone. She knows I don’t care if her friends like me I’m always happy to be the bad guy and it saves face for her to blame me and call me whatever to her social circle.

BodenCardiganNot · 01/12/2024 13:02

Restating, please, please, please send an email to the Headteacher, who is likely the safeguarding lead, of your school now

Do you not think the head teacher is entitled to have a Sunday off work??

AutumnLeaves1990 · 01/12/2024 12:58

Has the mum replied to you? I'd be mortified if my child had sent something like this 😔

Corinthiana · 01/12/2024 12:57

I'm just going to echo pp and say - you must tell the school. You must inform the DSL.
Your justification of WhatsApp isn't really convincing, he can text others, surely?.. There is a reason for an age limit on these things. We all think that our children will be more responsible! They're not, and they're exposed to a lot of stuff. He's only 10.

AutumnLeaves1990 · 01/12/2024 12:56

Definitely mention it to the school too. Keep everything for evidence.

Tittat50 · 01/12/2024 12:55

sausagepastapot · 01/12/2024 12:50

I logged it with 101 when this happened to my DC. They took it very seriously, rang me, and sent an officer to the offender's house to talk to the perpetrators...I was amazed actually!

Wow. How was it for your son afterwards? We are having various issues but my son is ND and already up against it in school for being weird. Socially, the repercussions are something I'm sure many of us worry about.

tachetastic · 01/12/2024 12:53

I have read all OP's posts but not the whole thread. I would tell school 100%. If this horrible bully has sent this text to your DS then he has sent something similar to other people who might not have such a wonderful relationship with their parents and may right now be considering doing what the text suggests. The school needs to find a way to communicate to all children that there are adults they can talk to, who will not judge them, if they need to.

sausagepastapot · 01/12/2024 12:50

I logged it with 101 when this happened to my DC. They took it very seriously, rang me, and sent an officer to the offender's house to talk to the perpetrators...I was amazed actually!

notacooldad · 01/12/2024 12:49

It's not a criminal trial - asking her son shouldn't require her to wait long before getting back in touch to say that she's seen the message and is trying to find out what her son has to say about it.
There are stacks of reasons why she may not have responded.she maybe in shock and embarrassed and is trying to compose a reply, she could be waiting to talk to her husband, they could be out as a family on a Sunday morning, who knows but there's nothing odd about not having a reply yet.

Blimey, if it had been sent to one of my friends anyone would be lucky to have a reply by next weekend that how little they ise their phone!! 😀

Tortielady · 01/12/2024 12:48

I don't have anything to add about children and social media, given the fact that I don't have children. But I do know about bullying and the sheer amount of gumption it takes to tell even a supportive grown-up what's going on. Well done to your DS for having the wisdom to know that this kind of behaviour can't be swept under the carpet, regardless of who sent the message and why. It's potentially damaging to the recipient and can have serious repercussions for the perpetrator - as pp have said, ten is still very young and there are a lot of things you can't do at that age, but you're not exempt from criminal responsibility. (Obviously, this refers to England, Wales and Northern Ireland - it's 12 in Scotland.)

Clutterbugsmum · 01/12/2024 12:47

Currymaker · 01/12/2024 12:40

Remember it's also very likely that someone has "borrowed" the boy's phone and sent this as a horrible prank. I know some kids who've done this, and my grandaughter will sometimes pick up her mum's phone and send random messages.

Well even more so that the parent of the friend should be having a conversation with her son about this behaviour.

OP speak to the school about what's happened. Hopefully they will speak to the boy who sent the message and speak to your son and make sure he is okay as this is a safeguarding issue.

They maybe able to organise a internet safety assembly and information home to other parents to look out for.

Whichoneisthebest · 01/12/2024 12:46

researchers3 · 01/12/2024 11:31

I'd tell school too. Is there anyway the other boys phone has been hacked or an older sibling has got hold of it or anything?

This. I do appreciate that the other 10 year old might have sent this but equally he may not have.

Moonlightstars · 01/12/2024 12:44

TiredEyesToday · 01/12/2024 11:32

i don’t want to derail the thread, but I worry that giving a child a smartphone is seen as keeping them safe. They are far, far more likely to have an adverse event online or with social media (inc WhatsApp), than they are in the real world. When they’re playing out, they can access a few streets, maybe a park. When they’re online they can access the whole world- and the whole world can access them. It’s really not the answer to child “safety”.

I would strongly urge people with under 14s to consider “dumb phones” rather than smart phones for their kids.

This in spades

wonderingconcerned · 01/12/2024 12:44

FailureAndSuicide · 01/12/2024 11:54

What have they said your child has done to warrant this vile text?

No one warrants this vile text.

If there is history of abuse from OPs DS - then the other child should have reported it not escalated and partcipated in further abuse.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 01/12/2024 12:42

I think you are duty bound to tell school from the last training session I had and school are duty bound to be interested.

I don’t think ten year olds should have phones by the way.

Currymaker · 01/12/2024 12:40

Remember it's also very likely that someone has "borrowed" the boy's phone and sent this as a horrible prank. I know some kids who've done this, and my grandaughter will sometimes pick up her mum's phone and send random messages.

Emilesgran · 01/12/2024 12:35

I see while I was posting that, someone else replied with this which sets it out even more clearly:
The fact you haven't heard back from the other 'lovely mum' yet is not surprising, especially if there are other issues, and they may be preparing to go on the offensive.

Emilesgran · 01/12/2024 12:34

notacooldad · 01/12/2024 12:25

How long ago did you tell his mother? Isn't it a bit odd that she hasn't reacted immediately?
Why is it odd? She may have not seen it yet. There's many days when I'm at home i leave my phone in one room inadvertently and get on with my day and then later find I've got several messages. Sometimes my phone is still on silent as I've forgotten to turn it back on. She could be at work, at the gym, anything
Another scenario is she is trying to find out what the hell is going on.

Sure. It depends on what her phone habits are. Personally I might not see an email for days, when I'm not at work - but I'd see there was a Whatsapp message for me pretty quickly.
That's why I asked rather than said that it seemed odd. There may be a perfectly sensible reason, but given we all have mobile phones, and that this should be a big issue to a mother, I'd expect her to be aware of it very quickly.
As for finding out what's going on - how long would she need to spend on that before contacting the person who sent the text? Isn't that part of "finding out what's going on"?
It's not a criminal trial - asking her son shouldn't require her to wait long before getting back in touch to say that she's seen the message and is trying to find out what her son has to say about it.