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AIBU?

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Partner wants sex on trip for me to deal with deceased parents’ estate.

420 replies

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 08:49

AIBU to be TOTALLY uninterested in sex during a trip overseas to deal with my deceased, beloved parents’ estate? I told my aged 75+ partner that my daughter and I would be caught up in trying to deal with lawyers, banks, old friends and administrative issues and recommended against coming. He wanted to come. He wanted Business Class too. I have spent over £25000 this far just on travel expenses. He complained because the flight attendants on Qatar had to adjust his first class seat for him, giving me thumbs-down sign regarding the airline. On arrival at our house, he complained the duvet was too heavy then yanked it off me in the middle of the night. I got a separate duvet for me and he accused me of trapping him under his duvet. He has made no compliments about our house except that the rooms are big but he wishes ceiling beams weren’t painted. He complained the shower screen should be higher. He does not like my hybrid SUV. He does not speak the language here and I have to do everything. He wakes up multiple times a night and goes to the toilet or checks his phone, waking me up each time. I’m paying for everything, which I said I would, but he has little positive to say except he wants me to “play with him” in my dead parents’ bed. When I said I’m really not in the right state emotionally or physically to “play”, he said “well you were able to nap yesterday so I don’t see why not. “. (Maybe because I’m in my beloved parents’ bed, my daughter is nearby, I’m exhausted mentally and physically, he is long on complaints and short on praise, I am the sole driver, procurer of groceries, cook, dishwasher, money source and I only have ten days to try to see all our family friends and lawyers…???). Now he’s acting put out and semi-sulking downstairs. AIBU to not want to service him in bed?

OP posts:
IamMoodyBlue · 07/12/2024 20:33

Let's be 100% clear here.
Sex on demand is no one's right. Partner, married or not in any bed.
No means no means no.
And you ALWAYS have the right to say No.

JoBoJoBo · 07/12/2024 20:21

Cardinalita90 · 01/12/2024 11:01

He sounds repulsive. If you can afford to can you book him a (basic) hotel room for the rest of the trip just to get him out of your parents bed and house? Probably cheaper than rearranging a business class flight. I know you shouldn't have to pay but he's unlikely to go by himself and I'd just want such a disrespectful person out of my parents home and stop memories of the house being tainted by him.

Hell no do not pay for his hotel room.Drip kick him out of your parents house.He can afford to pay for his own hotel room the lech !

Itislate · 07/12/2024 20:16

I rarely post replies but quite honestly I think you should tell him to fuck off back to where he came from!

JoBoJoBo · 07/12/2024 20:05

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 09:08

You’re all correct. I’m being weak and I’m not going to stand for this treatment. I’m actually seen as a very strong woman in the public eye. I don’t know why I can’t seem to assert myself with partners! Time to see a shrink…

Tell him you are grieving and drop kick him into the spare room.

Seajaye · 07/12/2024 19:58

There is a word for sex against someone's will. It's a crime as well in most jurisdictions, even if you are married.

Lalalalalalalalalalaoohoohwee · 07/12/2024 19:41

Why on earth are you with this man?!

healthybychristmas · 07/12/2024 19:25

You say you are an intelligent woman. Why on earth are you with this complete creep? And if you are mid trip, cancel the return flights and book economy instead.

Pupinskipops · 07/12/2024 19:21

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 08:52

i just want to know if sex-on-demand is a right that partners have when accompanying their SO on a family bereavement trip.

It's not a right under any circumstances.

Pupinskipops · 07/12/2024 19:20

You don't like him very much do you? I don't blame you. Why are you even together?

Allog · 07/12/2024 19:00

You’re a mug.

thewrongcolourcup · 07/12/2024 18:31

I’ve be very keen to change his ticket to economy and send him back asap.
ditch him. He sounds revolting

Purplethursdays123 · 07/12/2024 18:28

I’m someone who hates any strings or guilt or any sadness attached to sex. Won’t do it, never could.

Sex is something you both want to do and I’d shy away from anyone who made any kind of demands at any time. If anyone had ever made any kinds of demands of me it would be the end. One boundary I have that is absolute.

Onelessboob · 07/12/2024 17:41

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 08:52

i just want to know if sex-on-demand is a right that partners have when accompanying their SO on a family bereavement trip.

Sex on demand is never a right. If you don't feel like it, for whatever reason, don't do it.

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 06/12/2024 18:15

notatinydancer · 03/12/2024 11:50

Sex on demand is never a right.
Can you send him home ?
Economy.

This!
OP please do not spend any more money on this knobber.
He sounds likes a freeloading money grabber. Save your money and do something lovely for yourself as you try and heal from this sad sad loss xx

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 06/12/2024 18:13

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 08:52

i just want to know if sex-on-demand is a right that partners have when accompanying their SO on a family bereavement trip.

Sex on demand is no ‘right’ to anyone and if you are coerced into doing it then it becomes a big problem darling x

FeetLikeFlippers · 03/12/2024 18:39

OP, I’m crying reading all your updates. You should be so proud of yourself for deciding to leave him, nobody deserves to be treated this way especially someone who sounds as kind and lovely as you. Good luck with it all and I hope you have the support you need when you get home and finally bin this loser. He probably thinks you don’t mean it and won’t have the nerve to really leave him so prove him wrong, stay strong and don’t back down xxx

SouthernBelle2 · 03/12/2024 17:57

I don't know if you stand to inherit as a result of the sad loss of your parents, but I think you need to be extremely careful if your partner is sniffing around. It sounds like he may try to con or scam you out of anything that might come your way. Please take care not to let this happen.

MerryRedSheep · 03/12/2024 17:24

He is a selfish horrible twat. Demanding sex is disgusting. Sorry for your loss.

notatinydancer · 03/12/2024 11:50

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 08:52

i just want to know if sex-on-demand is a right that partners have when accompanying their SO on a family bereavement trip.

Sex on demand is never a right.
Can you send him home ?
Economy.

DearDenimEagle · 03/12/2024 10:47

And I see you have, sorry, I jumped too quickly but I stand by the must get out and don’t let him guilt trip you into going back, either. He is toxic

DearDenimEagle · 03/12/2024 10:44

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 09:19

At home, he has made renovations to my house and took me on a couple of lovely holidays. I was grateful. He lives separately. He has much more money than I and tells me so all the time but he wants me to repay him for the renovations I needed by taking him on trips. This is the second expensive trip I have taken him on and will be the last. I’m done. I told him I am going to have to work to earn back some of the money I have spent and he quipped “That’ll take you forever!” I should have walked off right then.

He is using money to control you. Then he wanted Business class in a trip you didn’t want him to come on?
He’s a practised abuser and you need to grow some self esteem. He isn’t generous at all if everything he spends comes with strings attached.

JFDIYOLO · 03/12/2024 10:42

OP, I wonder if being in your parents home is helping you think how they would have felt, what they would have said knowing this about what was happening to their daughter? Could this be part of your eyes opening?

I'm your age and my partner's 12 years older though a VERY different personality and behaviour!

My mum's in her eighties and would definitely have something to say, if this were our case.

pinkgirl2018 · 03/12/2024 08:54

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 11:27

At this point? I get a strong desire to get out myself. I suppose I’ve been grieving and have felt grateful for the support he offered and obligated to repay him for the things he insisted on paying for and I felt like I couldn’t just drop him after all that. But I’ve been increasingly appalled by his creepy demands and misogyny. It just took the shock of being back in my parents’ house and have him act like this to make me finally snap out of it.

I’m so happy you’ve made this realisation. He doesn’t sound like a nice bloke and please don’t feel the need to spend any more money on him. That could end very badly, with you left spending your retirement money and him left in a very comfortable position. Not a good situation to find yourself in. Look out for yourself.

WoolySnail · 03/12/2024 08:09

Pickytraveller1964 · 03/12/2024 07:54

I think I’d be better off all alone!

You would be better alone than with a creep like this!x

Pickytraveller1964 · 03/12/2024 07:54

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 03/12/2024 02:43

Please change his tickets so you don't have to rebuild your savings.

So he gifted you refurbishments... And then went back on it... I'd keep a hard line... You gifted those to me.. Carry on, in repeat.

I'd dump him!

I'm a similar age to you... 75+ seems ancient from where I'm standing...

Couldn't you find a decent 40 or 50 something?!

I think I’d be better off all alone!

OP posts:
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