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AIBU?

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Partner wants sex on trip for me to deal with deceased parents’ estate.

420 replies

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 08:49

AIBU to be TOTALLY uninterested in sex during a trip overseas to deal with my deceased, beloved parents’ estate? I told my aged 75+ partner that my daughter and I would be caught up in trying to deal with lawyers, banks, old friends and administrative issues and recommended against coming. He wanted to come. He wanted Business Class too. I have spent over £25000 this far just on travel expenses. He complained because the flight attendants on Qatar had to adjust his first class seat for him, giving me thumbs-down sign regarding the airline. On arrival at our house, he complained the duvet was too heavy then yanked it off me in the middle of the night. I got a separate duvet for me and he accused me of trapping him under his duvet. He has made no compliments about our house except that the rooms are big but he wishes ceiling beams weren’t painted. He complained the shower screen should be higher. He does not like my hybrid SUV. He does not speak the language here and I have to do everything. He wakes up multiple times a night and goes to the toilet or checks his phone, waking me up each time. I’m paying for everything, which I said I would, but he has little positive to say except he wants me to “play with him” in my dead parents’ bed. When I said I’m really not in the right state emotionally or physically to “play”, he said “well you were able to nap yesterday so I don’t see why not. “. (Maybe because I’m in my beloved parents’ bed, my daughter is nearby, I’m exhausted mentally and physically, he is long on complaints and short on praise, I am the sole driver, procurer of groceries, cook, dishwasher, money source and I only have ten days to try to see all our family friends and lawyers…???). Now he’s acting put out and semi-sulking downstairs. AIBU to not want to service him in bed?

OP posts:
Electricalb · 01/12/2024 10:38

He is scum.
Please get away from him asap.

Disgusting creepy sex pest.

ANonEMouseYouSir · 01/12/2024 10:37

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 08:52

i just want to know if sex-on-demand is a right that partners have when accompanying their SO on a family bereavement trip.

Yes, it is. So crack on love.
🙄

SerafinasGoose · 01/12/2024 10:35

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 08:52

i just want to know if sex-on-demand is a right that partners have when accompanying their SO on a family bereavement trip.

Sex on 'demand' is never a right anyone has, under any circumstances.

In these particular circumstances it's even more revolting.

Condolences, OP, and I'm sorry you have this to deal with on top of everything else. There are insufficient words to convey how wrong this is.

Flowers
Tahlbias · 01/12/2024 10:33

You know where this relationship is going. He sounds vile. He is not supportive. You've just last your parent and he's just thinking about himself. You need to focus on yourself and healing.

ThankULord · 01/12/2024 10:32

Runskiyoga · 01/12/2024 08:59

Enjoy your trip knowing you are going to dump his ass the moment you get home. Leave him to fund his own old age and satisfy his own complaints. You are not a bank, a servant or a sex worker, and you no longer need to be a partner or a spouse. You can leave for any reason you want to.

Listen to @Runskiyoga.

I can't imagine there is much enjoyment about this trip, considering your parent is deceased but what is meant is, go about all you have to do with full confidence and focus like you would have if he was not there.

Stop turning yourself inside out - mentally and emotionally to meet the unnecessary and selfish demands of a fully grown and capable, uncaring, insensitive, unsupportive adult.

It doesn't matter what he is like 'at home'. His behaviour and character should be consistent irrespective of being at home or not at home.

I feel for you. Hope you are able to get everything done. Best of luck.

Robotcustard · 01/12/2024 10:31

Send him back on the next plane and do not pay for business/first class. You do not owe him anything, he offered to pay for the renovations and now he is acting like you are in his debt to get his own way. Vile behaviour.

UnrelatedTo · 01/12/2024 10:31

SwerveCity · 01/12/2024 10:27

Which assholes have voted YABU?

Possibly the people who think it’s unlikely the OP’s boyfriend turned into a selfish asshole overnight on this specific trip, so she’s unreasonable for putting up with his nonsense over a long period of time?

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 10:29

Nap1983 · 01/12/2024 10:23

Of course you shouldn't have sex if you dont want. However I'm unsure why you felt the need to tell us (boast) what you spent and that you flew business class, would you have been more likely to sort him out if youd only paid for a Ryanair??

I’m not rich. He demanded Business Class because he paid for renovations on my house (he offered). I think I have now suitably compensated him. I can’t afford to do this again, that’s for sure. That’s why I mentioned business class, because it is his reimbursement, not because I’m “boasting”.

OP posts:
SwerveCity · 01/12/2024 10:27

Which assholes have voted YABU?

WinterUnder · 01/12/2024 10:26

This is on you. At your age you should have known much better by now. He's a 75yo man, why are you allowing this old man who seems like a pervert to bully you. It doesn't matter what he's done for you, you don't need to allow him to bully you this way.
You are there under very sad circumstances, your adult dd is in the house with you, and how is this not a wtf moment for you.

Crocadoodledoo · 01/12/2024 10:25

You need to raise your standards OP. Why should this filthy old goat have the right to date a woman 15 years younger?

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 10:25

Pussycat22 · 01/12/2024 10:13

He's a creep. A 75 year old creep.

He just came in and called me “rude” for not realising he was looking at my back and waiting for me to acknowledge him with a kiss and a cuddle when I was turned away in bed last night trying to fill out legal forms. I told him to fuck off.

OP posts:
Nap1983 · 01/12/2024 10:23

Of course you shouldn't have sex if you dont want. However I'm unsure why you felt the need to tell us (boast) what you spent and that you flew business class, would you have been more likely to sort him out if youd only paid for a Ryanair??

BettyBardMacDonald · 01/12/2024 10:21

zingally · 01/12/2024 10:18

Ew... A 75+ year old sex pest is not a turn on. I get that you're older as well, but still. Ew, ew, EW.

60 and 75+ are light years apart.

JFDIYOLO · 01/12/2024 10:21

OH GOD NOT ANOTHER ONE

zingally · 01/12/2024 10:18

Ew... A 75+ year old sex pest is not a turn on. I get that you're older as well, but still. Ew, ew, EW.

Coconutter24 · 01/12/2024 10:15

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 08:52

i just want to know if sex-on-demand is a right that partners have when accompanying their SO on a family bereavement trip.

The situation is irrelevant tbh, under no circumstances ever do partners have a right to sex on demand! (I use the word partner loosely because I’m not actually sure what he brings to the table from what you’ve said)

Sleepysleepycoffeecoffee · 01/12/2024 10:14

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 08:52

i just want to know if sex-on-demand is a right that partners have when accompanying their SO on a family bereavement trip.

‘Sex on demand’ is never a ‘right’ of partners, whatever the circumstances

Pussycat22 · 01/12/2024 10:13

He's a creep. A 75 year old creep.

NCfor24 · 01/12/2024 10:11

Stick him on a plane home and never see him again.

DelphiniumBlue · 01/12/2024 10:06

Why have you paid for him, particularly when you say you didn't want him to come anyway?
And now you are querying about " his rights " - why would you think he has any rights to demand anything at all?
I'm wondering if you've got into the habit of doing everything he wants, because he's a man. I'd say, firm up your boundaries, and if you continue this relationship, stop paying for him.

deeahgwitch · 01/12/2024 10:06

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 01/12/2024 09:20

He's generous? He's generously allowed you to pay for him to accompany you on a trip you didn't want him on.
He is generously taking up all your space and intruding on a really difficult time.
Come on, woman up.

This
💯

Electricalb · 01/12/2024 10:03

OP, he is a very very bad man.

He has very deliberately tried to get you in debt to him.

Now that you have money he wants it spent asap so you can be in debt to him again.

Stop spending any money on him.

His renovations were a gift.
Do not repay this money nor agree to repay it.

He is trying to trap you.

Be very clever.
Do not agree on any text that you owe him money.

Keep saying "you insisted on paying for the renovations and said it was a gift".

Do not deviate from this.
He is only interested in trapping you so he has a carer.

TheSquareMile · 01/12/2024 10:02

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 08:52

i just want to know if sex-on-demand is a right that partners have when accompanying their SO on a family bereavement trip.

Of course it isn't.

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 09:57

bozzabollix · 01/12/2024 09:39

Probably incel sites. Why should his needs trump yours?

Funny because “trump” is a perfect word for this situation!

OP posts: