Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not buy Christmas presents for DC

112 replies

mostlylovinglife · 01/12/2024 07:55

Paid for school trips costing over £3000 for my DC next year, both aged 14 & 16. They asked for these instead of Christmas/birthday presents. I will get them their usual PJs and a selection box instead of a stocking which usually costs me £50 plus each, but can't help feeling really mean and worried they'll be devastated Christmas morning when they don't have a pile of presents to open.

I want to get them a charm each for their bracelets as something to open, but AIBU not to buy more?

OP posts:
VouisLuitton · 01/12/2024 09:49

Similar happened to me at that age and I remember mum and dad put the presents under the tree a few days before Christmas so we could see exactly how much we had. No disappointment on Christmas morning as we knew exactly what would be there.

Totally depends on if you have younger children too though - it would only work with the older ones but takes the excitement out of it for younger ones!

Didimum · 01/12/2024 09:48

mostlylovinglife · 01/12/2024 09:28

Absolutely this! Just can't help feeling guilty especially as their friends will probably have piles, plus going on these trips.

Show quote history

Teaching them that they get excessive amounts of ‘stuff’ just because their friends do, and after they’ve already had multiple thousands of pounds spent on them, is a really poor message for them.

What are you teaching them to value here?

GrumpyWombat · 01/12/2024 09:45

GreyLurker · 01/12/2024 09:25

Not at all.
DS had a car for his 17th, it was £14,000.
He is now 19 and has token presents and his insurance paid for birthdays and Christmas since even though his sibling still has big presents.

You could have just said you bought him a car, not sure why we needed the figures. £3000 on a trip for two children is a lot different.

GrumpyWombat · 01/12/2024 09:44

Icanttakethisanymore · 01/12/2024 09:41

What is the threshold for purchases needing to be secret? More than 10k and don’t tell anyone? Or 5k perhaps? Who makes the rules on this?

Show quote history

🙄

She can tell whoever she wants. Bet her friends and family love the stealth bragging.

Icanttakethisanymore · 01/12/2024 09:41

GrumpyWombat · 01/12/2024 09:30

Exactly what I said, who spends £14k on a car for a 17 year old and then tells people about it?! Mental.

Show quote history

What is the threshold for purchases needing to be secret? More than 10k and don’t tell anyone? Or 5k perhaps? Who makes the rules on this?

GettingStuffed · 01/12/2024 09:40

You an find cheap stocking fillers in charity shops. I nearly always get unread books from them

Un4732 · 01/12/2024 09:37

Super learning point "They asked for these instead of Christmas/birthday presents".

I think a lovely stocking of largely inexpensive things would be nice to open - and multiple things. Or something useful for the trips to tie it in.

But the trip is what they asked for and you have delivered. I think if you then go ahead and buy Christmas presents anyway as normal it sets them up to expect more or get a bit spoilt.

My son has asked for something quite expensive for Christmas and has a birthday in Jan, so I said fine, but it will cover both and I know he will be fine with that.

GreyLurker · 01/12/2024 09:34

GrumpyWombat · 01/12/2024 09:30

Exactly what I said, who spends £14k on a car for a 17 year old and then tells people about it?! Mental.

Show quote history

Someone who has more than £14k in the bank and wants their child to have a car they know the history of.

And I’m not ashamed, of not being hard up, the OP can afford to spend £3k on a school trip so I assume she is also comfortable and wanted advice from other people in a similar position.

People spend £10k on holidays which I wouldn’t do.

Original poster
mostlylovinglife · 01/12/2024 09:34

TwinklyAmberOrca · 01/12/2024 07:58

Yanbu!

£3000 for school trips is a huge amount and very privileged so they'll understand.

Maybe just buy them a token gift of something to play with like a tamagotchi? £13 so cheaper than a charm!

Loved my tamagotchi!

OP posts:
Anotherworrier · 01/12/2024 09:33

GreyLurker · 01/12/2024 09:28

What do you mean WTF?
It’s a relevant comment.

Show quote history

I agree, not sure what they’re getting at.

Original poster
mostlylovinglife · 01/12/2024 09:33

FelicityBennett · 01/12/2024 08:00

Not at all, they know that they’re going on expensive school trips. Same in this house and same ages , both going on expensive school trips .
I’ve got PJs and some bits they needed anyway( socks etc ) but will also put some things they love but we’ve cut back on this year like a box of Diet Coke or similar so will look a bit more than just PJs ! But otherwise both know will be no big presents.
Yanbu

This is a great idea actually! Like those massive tubes of Pringles etc. all consumables which won't get wasted! Thank you

OP posts:
Mamafromthebeach · 01/12/2024 09:32

If you can afford it now - maybe just little things you will have to sort for their trips anyway? Small toiletries or little refillable bottles, if they will need special clothing ( coat/raingear/shoes/swimwear) for their trip I would be wrapping that up and under the tree. Maybe a book or small amount of cash for spending money if affordable?

Original poster
mostlylovinglife · 01/12/2024 09:31

Hesma · 01/12/2024 09:12

Do they need anything for the trip? Ski goggles, a book etc? If so buy these and wrap them up

We've got most of it from previous trips, I'm going to source whatever else is needed in the new year from sales/vinted. I just don't want to be consuming for the sake of consuming. Previous years I've panic bought a load of tat for the sake of buying which ends up collecting dust.

OP posts:
GrumpyWombat · 01/12/2024 09:30

GreyLurker · 01/12/2024 09:28

What do you mean WTF?
It’s a relevant comment.

Show quote history

Exactly what I said, who spends £14k on a car for a 17 year old and then tells people about it?! Mental.

GrumpyWombat · 01/12/2024 09:29

OP I’d probably buy some cheap stocking bits from Primark/Home Bargains etc. a couple of books. Make them aware the spend will be minimal.

GreyLurker · 01/12/2024 09:28

GrumpyWombat · 01/12/2024 09:27

Wtf 🙄

Show quote history

What do you mean WTF?
It’s a relevant comment.

Original poster
mostlylovinglife · 01/12/2024 09:28

Didimum · 01/12/2024 09:25

I think you need some perspective here, OP. Do you realise how many families couldn’t even fathom spending £3k on a school trip? For most it’s an unearthly amount of money that their DC will never even so much as see a whiff of, and I think your DC’s, especially at the age they are, should start becoming aware of their privilege.

Absolutely this! Just can't help feeling guilty especially as their friends will probably have piles, plus going on these trips.

OP posts:
GrumpyWombat · 01/12/2024 09:27

GreyLurker · 01/12/2024 09:25

Not at all.
DS had a car for his 17th, it was £14,000.
He is now 19 and has token presents and his insurance paid for birthdays and Christmas since even though his sibling still has big presents.

Wtf 🙄

Original poster
mostlylovinglife · 01/12/2024 09:26

Puravida23 · 01/12/2024 09:16

What about a family board game to play . Maybe try to introduce a new tradition away from presents to still have the excitement. Or a few stocking fillers around where they are going/doing

We always do board games Christmas evening. This is more their expectations about presents.

OP posts:
Didimum · 01/12/2024 09:25

I think you need some perspective here, OP. Do you realise how many families couldn’t even fathom spending £3k on a school trip? For most it’s an unearthly amount of money that their DC will never even so much as see a whiff of, and I think your DC’s, especially at the age they are, should start becoming aware of their privilege.

GreyLurker · 01/12/2024 09:25

Not at all.
DS had a car for his 17th, it was £14,000.
He is now 19 and has token presents and his insurance paid for birthdays and Christmas since even though his sibling still has big presents.

Original poster
mostlylovinglife · 01/12/2024 09:22

WilfredsPies · 01/12/2024 08:52

It’s completely reasonable not to buy anything else. But I’d remind them if I were you. Just in case they’ve forgotten that they’d asked for this and so they understand that there will be no big pile of presents. It just manages expectations and avoids any upset on Christmas morning.

I have been reminding them but I think they think I'm joking!

OP posts:
Original poster
mostlylovinglife · 01/12/2024 09:21

Colourblinds · 01/12/2024 09:11

Surely you can get more than pjs & a selection box for £50 plus?

Sorry I meant the stockings costs £50 plus.
The selection boxes are a replacement, and the PJs are given Christmas Eve.

OP posts:
Puravida23 · 01/12/2024 09:16

What about a family board game to play . Maybe try to introduce a new tradition away from presents to still have the excitement. Or a few stocking fillers around where they are going/doing

Hesma · 01/12/2024 09:12

Do they need anything for the trip? Ski goggles, a book etc? If so buy these and wrap them up

Swipe left for the next trending thread