Page 3 | To not buy Christmas presents for DC

Pollymollydolly · 01/12/2024 10:54

GrumpyWombat · 01/12/2024 09:44

🙄

She can tell whoever she wants. Bet her friends and family love the stealth bragging.

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Why do you think it’s bragging? It’s just factual. People have different financial situations- and/or different priorities.

BananaBananaBananaOrange · 01/12/2024 10:49

My DS 15 asked for something expensive (in terms of my income/budget) to be replaced recently, and asked if he could have it as an early Christmas present. He will be getting the usual stocking and then I have bought him a series of books he wants (second hand) to put under the tree.

To be honest, it's not even occurred to me that he might be disappointed with that. He knows it was a stretch for me to buy said expensive item anyway and it was his suggestion to get it sooner, which was important to him for a couple of reasons.

If your DC do feel any kind of pang on Christmas Day, that's just a life lesson. They'll get over it.

redwinechocolateandsnacks · 01/12/2024 10:42

My sons are now adults. However this is why we never made phones, contributions to a car, school trips, kit for school trips part of Christmas gifting. These are all functional things that you decide to afford or not. If you can afford the school trip, you can afford a few nice gifts.

Dutch1e · 01/12/2024 10:40

mostlylovinglife · 01/12/2024 10:35

Yes, I agree 100% this is what I'm afraid of and foolish of me to agree to. Lesson learnt.

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You may be being a bit too hard on yourself. You have given your kids an opportunity to make choices and handle the consequences of those choices in a safe way. That experience is such an important part of being an adult.

Personally I think you've done really well.

DaphnesCafe · 01/12/2024 10:37

Devastated? A bit of an overreaction.

Original poster

mostlylovinglife · 01/12/2024 10:35

Dutch1e · 01/12/2024 10:33

It would be really important to me to stick with the original deal.

I don't think we do our kids any favours when he (Edit: we) don't hold them to their word, and when we teach them that our word isn't to be relied on (even if they benefit this time it could work the other way too).

If there is any Christmas morning disappointment, I'd try to trust that a little disappointment is not the same as trauma. It's an opportunity to build resilience and to carefully think through any future agreements rather than blithely making them, knowing them to be empty.

Edited

Yes, I agree 100% this is what I'm afraid of and foolish of me to agree to. Lesson learnt.

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Dutch1e · 01/12/2024 10:33

It would be really important to me to stick with the original deal.

I don't think we do our kids any favours when he (Edit: we) don't hold them to their word, and when we teach them that our word isn't to be relied on (even if they benefit this time it could work the other way too).

If there is any Christmas morning disappointment, I'd try to trust that a little disappointment is not the same as trauma. It's an opportunity to build resilience and to carefully think through any future agreements rather than blithely making them, knowing them to be empty.

Original poster

mostlylovinglife · 01/12/2024 10:27

okydokethen · 01/12/2024 10:18

I would feel bad to not get them anything and would get one thing they really want - even if it's not massive.
Tbh if you can afford £3000 in trips then couldn't you do £100 for Xmas? Obviously you don't have to but I'd probably stick something on the credit card.

I have been paying off the trips each month for over 2 years and I don't use credit cards.

They were very aware it was gifts or the trips, however now it's getting nearer to Christmas and the guilt is getting to me!

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GrumpyWombat · 01/12/2024 10:25

Didimum · 01/12/2024 10:18

It was for her son’s birthday, not Christmas. So nothing to do with Christmas expense.

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Yes, I’m not stupid, but as it’s now December there may be people reading this who may feel rubbish at reading such a stealth brag when they can’t afford Christmas.

Didimum · 01/12/2024 10:18

GrumpyWombat · 01/12/2024 09:58

I’m not envious of the figure I just think it’s tone deaf to brag like that when there are people who can’t afford Christmas and may be reading this!

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It was for her son’s birthday, not Christmas. So nothing to do with Christmas expense.

okydokethen · 01/12/2024 10:18

I would feel bad to not get them anything and would get one thing they really want - even if it's not massive.
Tbh if you can afford £3000 in trips then couldn't you do £100 for Xmas? Obviously you don't have to but I'd probably stick something on the credit card.

skyeisthelimit · 01/12/2024 10:14

If they know that the trips are instead of birthday/Christmas presents then they shouldn't be expecting a pile of presents on top of that.

Remind them now, that although there will be a stocking etc, there won't be the usual pile because of their trips. If you give them the normal stuff any way then you are going back on what you said and they will expect that every time.

It doesn't matter what their friends are getting, they are old enough now to understand that different families have different finances and that they are very lucky to be going on the trips.

Original poster

mostlylovinglife · 01/12/2024 10:07

YouZirName · 01/12/2024 09:56

Apparently in the minority with this but YABVU in my opinion.

All the carping on here about "other people can't afford X" is background noise and needs to be filtered out OP, as you've said their peers at likely getting the trip plus a normal Xmas - unfair that they won't.

Edited

Aargh exactly this is what I'm worried about!

They'll be on the phone to their friends all sharing their hauls but mine will be sharing their haul of consumables, toiletries, PJs, socks, underwear, charm and a lovely Christmas dinner

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Original poster

mostlylovinglife · 01/12/2024 10:03

mitogoshigg · 01/12/2024 09:55

If they will need certain things for the school trips, buy them instead plus anything kind of useful that they actually need anyway. I would fill my kids stockings with a toothbrush, deodorant, hair accessories, moisturiser (Aldi not posh), socks, multi pack knickers etc.

Perhaps contact the school and see if there's a kit list!

Yes great idea, I think I will do this and include heat protectant, micellar water deodorant etc and a chocolate orange and coins at the bottom!

It cost £50 plus each as I always bought a gift from Father Christmas, which was something small like jewellery.

Stockings were always from Father Christmas and other presents from family. I learned very quickly that giving Father Christmas the credit for all meant DC expected to have anything they wanted as he was magic! No ponies or baby brothers under the tree in this house!

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GrumpyWombat · 01/12/2024 09:58

Didimum · 01/12/2024 09:51

Are you envious of the figure or something? Why can’t she give the figure?

She’s clearly giving the figure to justify why her son has not had gifts for multiple years instead of just the year he got the car.

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I’m not envious of the figure I just think it’s tone deaf to brag like that when there are people who can’t afford Christmas and may be reading this!

YouZirName · 01/12/2024 09:56

Apparently in the minority with this but YABVU in my opinion.

All the carping on here about "other people can't afford X" is background noise and needs to be filtered out OP, as you've said their peers at likely getting the trip plus a normal Xmas - unfair that they won't.

Original poster

mostlylovinglife · 01/12/2024 09:56

user2848502016 · 01/12/2024 09:50

They're old enough to understand and have agreed to the deal so I would just be doing them a small stocking so they have something to open. What you're planning sounds perfect

Thank you! I will report back if they agreed!

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mitogoshigg · 01/12/2024 09:55

If they will need certain things for the school trips, buy them instead plus anything kind of useful that they actually need anyway. I would fill my kids stockings with a toothbrush, deodorant, hair accessories, moisturiser (Aldi not posh), socks, multi pack knickers etc.

Perhaps contact the school and see if there's a kit list!

Original poster

mostlylovinglife · 01/12/2024 09:53

VouisLuitton · 01/12/2024 09:49

Similar happened to me at that age and I remember mum and dad put the presents under the tree a few days before Christmas so we could see exactly how much we had. No disappointment on Christmas morning as we knew exactly what would be there.

Totally depends on if you have younger children too though - it would only work with the older ones but takes the excitement out of it for younger ones!

No younger siblings so all good there.

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raysan · 01/12/2024 09:52

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This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

This is a good idea - things you're buying them anyway.
FWIW, i spend less on my kids presents than you do on their stocking 😂

Iwishicouldflyhigh · 01/12/2024 09:52

mostlylovinglife · 01/12/2024 07:55

Paid for school trips costing over £3000 for my DC next year, both aged 14 & 16. They asked for these instead of Christmas/birthday presents. I will get them their usual PJs and a selection box instead of a stocking which usually costs me £50 plus each, but can't help feeling really mean and worried they'll be devastated Christmas morning when they don't have a pile of presents to open.

I want to get them a charm each for their bracelets as something to open, but AIBU not to buy more?

I’d never agree to buy a trip for Christmas as fir me, Christmas is about giving and receiving and unwrapping presents.
if I could (and I can) afford a 3k trip And presents, then I’m make them do jobs or something fir the trip. My dd14 did all the ironing over the summer holidays for a new iPad. It was bliss!

Didimum · 01/12/2024 09:51

GrumpyWombat · 01/12/2024 09:45

You could have just said you bought him a car, not sure why we needed the figures. £3000 on a trip for two children is a lot different.

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Are you envious of the figure or something? Why can’t she give the figure?

She’s clearly giving the figure to justify why her son has not had gifts for multiple years instead of just the year he got the car.

Original poster

mostlylovinglife · 01/12/2024 09:51

Un4732 · 01/12/2024 09:37

Super learning point "They asked for these instead of Christmas/birthday presents".

I think a lovely stocking of largely inexpensive things would be nice to open - and multiple things. Or something useful for the trips to tie it in.

But the trip is what they asked for and you have delivered. I think if you then go ahead and buy Christmas presents anyway as normal it sets them up to expect more or get a bit spoilt.

My son has asked for something quite expensive for Christmas and has a birthday in Jan, so I said fine, but it will cover both and I know he will be fine with that.

Same here, birthdays are Jan/Feb so these trips will be for Christmas/birthdays.

I don't want to set a precedent of going back on my word, and now they're older and know I'm Father Christmas they have to realise that money does not grow on trees!

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user2848502016 · 01/12/2024 09:50

They're old enough to understand and have agreed to the deal so I would just be doing them a small stocking so they have something to open. What you're planning sounds perfect

Justsayit123 · 01/12/2024 09:49

Get them some little bit for the trips like travel adapters, small toiletries, guide book. There’s load of cheap other stuff to get them to unwrap.