To not buy Christmas presents for DC

if you don't want people to point out you said something stupid, maybe don't say something stupid?

@another1bitestheduck wasn't wrong and in fairness you kicked off the lecturing with your own tone deaf post.

@okydokethen

why on earth would you stick stuff on credit card?

@SunshineAfterTheRainR

what if they want the school trip way more than gifts to open on Christmas Day?

I think it's important to stick to what you said, not least because your primary responsibility to your DC is not to make them temporarily happy with stuff, but to bring them up as decent human beings who understand the value of money and aren't spoilt brats. As it sounds like you are doing! The stocking with consumables and/or stuff you'd have to buy for the trip sounds like a good idea. It's always fun buying little things like a face mask, sweets, socks to go in there - it might even set a precedent for future stockings and save money. I agree with a PP that if they do find this devastating (though disappointing is probably the worst that will happen), it might be a good lesson.

Yanbu, £3000 is loads and they are old enough to understand that the trips are their present.

My son has asked for something quite expensive for Christmas and has a birthday in Jan, so I said fine, but it will cover both and I know he will be fine with that

Same. My DS had a PS5 and it was for his birthday and Xmas together. We don't have much money but then DH had a bonus from work and got him a new mountain bike so I'm worried he's becoming spoilt! We have told him he won't be getting anything else big for Xmas.

I do understand what you’re trying to do for them, OP.

Personally, I couldn’t imagine NOT giving my DC gifts on Christmas Day. I’d be willing to factor in buying much less of course, but if I could T stretch to £100 or so on a few token gifts for the day, I wouldn’t even consider £3000 on a school trip.

In your shoes now, I’d probably try and get them a few inexpensive things that they may use anyway, such as socks / toiletries / books/ chocolates so they have at least a few bits to open.

Hmm … you’re the one who inserted yourself into a discussion I was having with another poster. It had nothing to do with what you’re saying and it was regarding her posting the cost of the car. You also keep replying to me, so … maybe stop if you no longer wish to engage.

Yes it is tedious, so why keep on at me?

I didn't say anything about the poster posting the cost of the car. Nor do I have an issue with it.

so if you could just leave me alone & stop implying I've said things I didn't, I'd appreciate it

@mostlylovinglife might be an option to give something sentimental?

@another1bitestheduck just love being lectured at by strangers on the Internet.

We’re arguing semantics now. Very tiresome. I stand by my point that the son is not getting any usual birthday or Christmas gifts due to his car expenses, and that the poster should feel able to post the cost of the car without being told she is ‘bragging’.

what kind of insane bat logic is this?
"If you can afford the school trip, you can afford a few nice gifts."
"If you can afford a few nice gifts you can afford a few more nice gifts."
"If you can afford a second hand bike you can afford a brand new e-bike"
"If you can afford a coat from primark, you can afford one from Gucci."
"If you can afford to buy christmas dinner from Asda you can afford to buy it from Waitrose."
"If you can afford to borrow £300,000 for a mortgage then you can afford to borrow £400,000."

Essentially you're saying to OP. "If you can afford £3000 you can afford £3500".. Which...is not how money works. There is always a cut off. In OP's case it is £3000 money to be spent on non essentials per child, not £4000, not £3100. That's it, she can't magic the extra money out of a tree.

Perhaps she should try the same with her boss? "If you can afford to pay me £40k then you can afford to pay me £50k." Problem solved!

Or does magic money multiplying only work going out?

Um I'm confused. YOU said he wasn't getting any gifts. I pointed out he was, just not wrappable ones.

I’d forget the PJs OP and spend the £20 ish each on a little stocking full of cheap stocking fillers like face masks, chocolate coins, socks etc and then if there’s anything at all you’d be buying them for the trip anyway - buy those.

Perfectly reasonable.

Also against the grain. I’d be making it as much of a normal Christmas as possible.

I have been reminding them but I think they think I'm joking!

Then you need to sit them both down (together) and tell them again, in a way that mkaes it very clear that you are NOT joking.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. They made a choice which suited them at the time because it got you to agree to something they wanted. But they're expecting that you won't hold them to that, because it would suit them now to have a pile of presents to open on Christmas morning.

Assuming they'll have presents from other people they're not exactly deprived. You'll get them some smaller presents so they won't be getting nothing, but any biggger ticket items (if that's what they're expecting) won't be happening.

I completely agree with you. What I would do is say you got your trip costing x. The budget for the season is y. What do you want from that. They may choose something over pjs etc.

Hence why the son continues not to get any wrappable gifts.

Please don’t panic buy tat - I’d have absolutely loved to have gone on the school ski trip in lieu of the absolute rubbish my DM used to give me. Stick to the stockings, maybe with a printed picture of their destination or activity in them or €10/$10/small denomination of whatever currency it is for a “little treat” when they’re there?

@redwinechocolateandsnacks

nah, I think most of us would be very grateful

I'm so over having more stuff in the house!! I'm loathing the idea of presents but I have a 5yo and 10yo so I'll have to get them a couple of bits but certainly not going overboard this year.

I think it's fine as many others have said. You could always do the something they want (this is the trip), something they need, something to wear and something to read for the stocking so they have something to unwrap.
Mine are 10 and 13 and we're paying towards some big trips for them (skiing 2025 but also some weekends away with scouts) and so I've got them some books and pyjamas from Vinted, will get them a chocolate orange or hot chocolate bombs, and tbh... they don't really want anything else (I have asked, repeatedly... 10 year old asked for a tub of Horlicks !).
I think the atmosphere and unwrapping something is plenty, especially given the trips