Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

6yo party - should I stay or should I go now?

129 replies

crankycurmudgeon · 30/11/2024 23:48

Took my 6yo DC to a birthday party for a classmate.

Venue was a rented village hall. The parents of the birthday girl put on crafts, games, and lunch. There was no hired entertainer, so the only adults present were any parents who chose to stay.

AIBU to think it's a bit off that out of 14 kids there, only 3 other parents stayed to help out (in addition to the parents hosting the party)?

I didn't hear a single one of the parents who dropped their DC and left asking those of us who stayed if we were happy taking responsibility for them. They just seemed to think it was OK to make some excuse and say they'd be back later to pick up.

Thing is that inevitably means other parents having to watch out for your DC. And we who stayed were very much looking after these other children, because with no professional entertainment, the parents who stayed weren't just making sure our own DC was OK, we were managing all the others, doing crafts with them, breaking up squabbles, trying to control the mayhem, catering, and cleaning up for the whole thing, while being totally outnumbered, and to be honest just gleefully disrespected by a bunch of kids who knew they could act up because their parents weren't there.

It wouldn't be such an issue if these other parents had asked, but they didn't. They just seemed to assume some other parent would be willing to manage their DC while they went off to do something else with their Saturday morning. I know for a fact these other parents didn't all have work or other childcare responsibilities to handle. It seems some of them just saw the opportunity for a couple of quiet hours at someone else's expense...

But far more concerning was the safeguarding, or lack of it. Those of us who stayed were so outnumbered that we simply couldn't keep up with all the children tearing around. It was also very clear most of the kids who'd been left on their own weren't about to recognise a clasmate's parent they barely know as an authority figure, and its always uncomfortable knowing how firm you can be with someone else's DC, without their assent. I went looking for one boy I hadn't seen for a while and found him wandering outside in the car park. Didn't feel remotely safe.

I just can't imagine taking DC and leaving her some place with a bunch of adults I barely know. I'd want to know someone I know and trust was taking responsibility for her, and would definitely have shown gratitude for anyone taking on managing my hyped up 6yo as well as their own for two hours!

AIBU to be a bit miffed that quite so many of the parents in my child's year group apparently have a very different approach to these things?

OP posts:
itsgettingweird · 01/12/2024 10:15

Yes Yabu.

I would expect to drop and run at a 6yo birthday party.

I didn't - because my ds had allergies to god knows what and reacted badly to (thin air 🤷‍♀️😂) and I didn't expect other parents to take that responsibility.

But neither did I expect the parents who and the luxury to drop and run to ask if I minded!

For a start there was no expectation from hosts I'd parent the other children, or their parents. But when I did help out I did it because that's just what you do if you're there.

AnOldCynic · 01/12/2024 10:08

If you stay there will be trouble.
If you go there will be double.

livanlaterlaterlater · 01/12/2024 10:06

PerditaLaChien · 01/12/2024 06:20

Where i live it would absolutely be the expectation you drop and run. Its a village and i know the other parents. The only parents who stay are the ones with clingy kids.

This was the expectation with all my children's parties Unheard of for parents to stayto Children generally arw better behaved when parents not present

Original poster
crankycurmudgeon · 01/12/2024 09:57

twentysevendresses · 01/12/2024 09:32

So you're saying 5 adults couldn't manage 14 x 6 year olds for a couple of hours? Really? 🤔

I think context is everything on that point:

  • What are the kids like?
  • How proactive are the adults?
  • Have the adults been asked to help ahead of time and so arranged in advance how to supervise?
  • Are the activities suitable to hold attention for long enough to avoid things descending into chaos?
  • How contained or otherwise is the venue and what risks does it pose?

Depending on those factors, the number of adults we had could absolutely have been enough. In a classroom, these kids normally have two TAs and a class teacher for 20 kids, but that is a controlled environment with a recognised authority figure, and structured activities.

But the factors at this party meant it really did not feel safe. In addition to the child escaping the front door, there were numerous other possibilities for injury (a kitchen the kids could freely access, storage cupboards full of stacked furniture, and multiple rooms which meant when the kids started rampaging it wasn't possible to have eyes on everyone.

What is frustrating is pretty much all these other parents have been to this venue at parties last year, and know how this group of kids can be.

When I dropped off I read the room and as someone who has done my share of youth work, immediately recognised more adults were needed to handle the situation, given the specific kids, the quirks of the venue, and the lack of formal entertainment.

I guess I'm just surprised how few others came to the same conclusion. However, I see that the % of people who think IABU is about the same as the % of people who left their kids unaccompanied, so maybe just big error bars on what people think should be normal!

OP posts:
twentysevendresses · 01/12/2024 09:32

So you're saying 5 adults couldn't manage 14 x 6 year olds for a couple of hours? Really? 🤔

TickingAlongNicely · 01/12/2024 09:09

As to "normal"... DD had a pool party for her 6th. Some parents went in the pool. Some went in, with younger siblings. Some watched. Some left. There was 3 lifeguards. That was normal for the country we lived in.

Soft play or community room... patents stayed if they wanted to socialise.

Big variation in normal!

TickingAlongNicely · 01/12/2024 09:04

Its up to the hosts to either say that you need to saltay with the child, or organise help (a couple of friends or relatives).

Rocknrollstar · 01/12/2024 09:01

At age 6 you shouldn’t have to stay at a party but the organisers should have someone watching the door to make sure no one goes outside.

hopeishere · 01/12/2024 08:56

What did the parents think? I would always ask if I needed to stay. By 6 I think it was drop and go.

IamnotSethRogan · 01/12/2024 08:55

Just sounds like a badly organised party. I have no idea why it was such hard work. I just had 10 8 year old boys and it would have been a nightmare if the parents stayed due to space. The kids were a bit excitable but it was just me and I didn't find there to be any safety risks.

Honestly if you have more than 1 child you do just have to drop and run due to.other commitments.

MargaretThursday · 01/12/2024 08:54

When mine were little almost no parents stayed unless the party was a distance and nowhere else to go.
14 isn't too bad. We had 25 for dd's 5yo party ( and she was one of the oldest).
They had a lovely time (we did a traditional party with games) in a village hall.
Children need to start developing independence and a bit of responsibility for themselves.

Ponoka7 · 01/12/2024 08:53

I agree that the hosts should have made the activities and supervision clear. We are only starting to leave at nine years old. So we would have all stayed at that age.

LimeYellow · 01/12/2024 08:50

IME it would be fine to stay but also normal to drop and run at that age.

Happiestwhen · 01/12/2024 08:49

AddieLoggins2 · 01/12/2024 08:26

This exact thing happened at my 6 year old's party.

One mum messaged before the party and said she had her 3 other children (one older, 2 younger) so would it be ok if she did drop and run?

I replied and said yes that would be fine, but if she preferred she was welcome to stay as the other 3 children were welcome to join in the party too- it was a private hire soft play area in a leisure centre so there wasn't any extra cost to us and I just made sure there was enough food/party bags for the extra kids (I always have spares anyway!)

The point is she checked, rather than just assumed it would be ok to dump her kid.

Show quote history

Absolutely, I'd always check before the party. Some parents expect you to stay which is fair enough. Particularly if they have their own younger children too.

TENSsion · 01/12/2024 08:48

I think it depends on where you live. Parents still stay in my area. If we can’t stay we ask one parent we know well to watch ours. I’d never assume the host is watching all the kids.

Dutchesss · 01/12/2024 08:44

It's not normal to drop and run at age 6. Most parents stayed at that age and my children wanted me to stay.

Also, if you're leaving a 6 year old that might wander through the car park then that's completely up to the parents to stay and supervise.

It was also an unspoken etiquette that if you did leave your young child, you asked someone who wasn't the host parents to take responsibility for them, as the host parents had enough to do already.

BarbaraHoward · 01/12/2024 08:40

Sounds like the host parents did a shite job!

Drop and run is normal at 6 here, everyone stayed in P1 but from P2 people started dropping off. P3 now and I have to stay with my 6yo at most parties for allergy reasons but I'm usually the only one. I also have never been expected to help or entertain any children (although I do of course pitch in at food time by pouring drinks etc).

InTheRainOnATrain · 01/12/2024 08:38

I think it starts to become normal to drop from this age. My experience, which is pretty recent as DD is 7, is that reception everyone stayed but from Y1 people generally didn’t unless it was an inconvenient location so wouldn’t have time to go home and/or the parents made a point of hosting the other parents by putting on some adult drinks and snacks.

Also fine not to have a professional entertainer if the parents are up for organising games + music themselves. In this case it sounds like they weren’t very good at it, were over confident about how easy it is to engage excited 5/6YOs and ended up way out of their depth. When you invite a child you’re taking responsibility for their safety and making sure kids don’t walk out the door should be the top priority. But then also you probably wouldn’t expect a 6YO to wander off like that, unless there are additional needs or something, but then the parents should have stayed if that’s the case. I’d just chalk it up to it being a badly organised party and that’s that.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 01/12/2024 08:36

We did our own entertainment and to be honest sometimes parents (or family) just get in the way especially the ones who are expecting you to host them as well. It sounds like you did pitch in and help so that is good. I think it was possibly more the activities which were a little off for the age group. At that age a short focused 15 min art activity perhaps but most of the time you want to actively engage the whole group in organised activities/ party games OR have more parents there if the activities involve more parent supervision. It does take a certain approach and organisation to manage a party of that size but perfectly doable with that ratio.

TizerorFizz · 01/12/2024 08:35

I never stayed with dc for any parties unless the hosts made it clear that was what they expected. We didn’t expect it but we chose guests carefully and a party isn’t child minding. At 6 no parent stayed! They’ve been at school for over a year without parents. Of course they can go to a party in a hall safely.

Dragonsandcats · 01/12/2024 08:31

I think the hosts should have asked more adults to help out rather than assuming that parents would stay.

AddieLoggins2 · 01/12/2024 08:26

Happiestwhen · 01/12/2024 08:03

Honestly you need to look at the bigger picture here. My eldest is 7 and i always drop and run and so do most of the other parents. I have 3 younger dcs who would also have to stay as my dh works. I don't think that would be fair on the hosts having extra children there. YABU to think that every parent can stay. Sometimes it's not possible. Would you rather their children missed out all the time? For my youngest child , I will probably be able to stay at parties but not my eldest.

This exact thing happened at my 6 year old's party.

One mum messaged before the party and said she had her 3 other children (one older, 2 younger) so would it be ok if she did drop and run?

I replied and said yes that would be fine, but if she preferred she was welcome to stay as the other 3 children were welcome to join in the party too- it was a private hire soft play area in a leisure centre so there wasn't any extra cost to us and I just made sure there was enough food/party bags for the extra kids (I always have spares anyway!)

The point is she checked, rather than just assumed it would be ok to dump her kid.

XiCi · 01/12/2024 08:23

Its not normal here to drop and run in year 1. Has this happened at other parties this year? Its probably the time of year - a few cheeky feckers have seen the party as free childcare to get some Xmas shopping done.

custardpyjamas · 01/12/2024 08:18

Parents vary a lot, I remember one of my DD's friends parents who's idea of a kids party was to leave them pretty much to it while she and her DH had a few drinks to celebrate (drinks for parents staying too), I always stayed for those ones to keep an eye on things but it always seemed to work out OK (just loud and chaotic). Others were very formal organised and controlled and you could confidently drop and run.

PeriPeriMam · 01/12/2024 08:18

14 6 yr old kids shouldn't be too difficult. Two adults should be able to manage 14 six yr olds safely and allow all the parents to drop and run. Even without hired entertainment! If I was hosting I'd have roped in a friend or two to stay to ease the load but it shouldn't be critical. If you ended up as 5 adults/14 kids, that should be a walk in the park even if the children are particularly monstrous. Were they drinking full fat cola? How did one escape??