6yo party - should I stay or should I go now?

Parties have been drop and in my circle since DD was about 6 unless the invite asks parents to stay. I would never host the kind of party your talking about though with that many kids and not ask the parents to stay on the invite. I normally do play center, bounce park etc as I can cope on my own and their are qualified 1st aiders on site and a designated party host (always around 12 kids max)

YABU. The hosts should have arranged enough adults to care for the children present, either by asking parents to stay on the invitation or asking individually. It's not up to the parents of the guests to work out what was going on at drop off, and then stay if they are needed.

Maybe my dc were just more confident then. Also they stayed at school without me so a party with friends without me was normal. They liked activities without me such as dance and gym so a party was similar and they didn’t escape.

Agree, my experience also. X

Interesting. In my area- outside a small city it is not the norm to just drop and go.
A few parents would pop off for some
Of the party and be back- they would let the parents in charge know when they will be back.
Anything else , everyone stays and has a chat/ drink/ coffee- but by time our child is 6/7/8 I know the parents well and WANT to stay and chat as part of my social life too.

Is it? All the parties I've been to at age 6 parents stayed and had to join in baby shark 🦈 😒

We generally did a drop and run from Y1. I would stay with my middle child as she's ND and struggles sometimes at parties. I would assume if the hosts wanted parents to stay to supervise it would say so on the invite otherwise I assume the hosts are doing all the supervision and have enough adults to keep the kids safe.

I agree with all of this.

I've only read your responses, agree that I think I'd be more annoyed with the hosts for not doing things properly rather than the other parents.

Round here it is generally drop and go for parties. Id be pretty pissed off to have to "stay and pitch in" at a random birthday party. I don't have a lot of spare time and I figure I do my share of supervising when I host my own kids parties. I would stay if it was a friend organising it maybe? But otherwise I don't think it's horrific to make plans while your kid is at a party.
In your situation if it generally looked unsafe and DC wanted me to stay, I might reconsider staying. Something about your description of events does feel a little hyperbolic though - I've done my fair share of P2 parties and I've not encountered the behaviour you seem to have. I can't imagine being that stressed out by a 5:14 ratio of adults to kids either although I'm a teacher so maybe that's why (yes I know you said it's different and I get that, but we do trips and events too)

Also, just to add. Once the parents realised the party was unmanageable with the adults available, it was their duty and responsibility to text or call the children's parents and ask for assistance "hi all! Any parents available to pop back to party hall? We could use a few extra pairs of hands?"

If no replies and the party is deemed unsafe, the host parents should have informed the guest parents that the party isn't safe and the children need to be collected.

I'd be gutted and furious if anything happened to my child because the hosts didn't have a decent child to adult ratio and no-one told me or alerted me or asked for extra help....

I haven't read the full thread, but I do know that when I host other people's children I am incredibly safety conscious and worry about them far more than I do my own children. For that reason, I would never host a party that was unsafe. This is very poor of the hosts who I hope will never place these little children in danger again.

It is not up to the invitees and their parents to risk assess the adult to child ratio. It is assumed when a child has a party that they will be well looked after.

YABVU sorry

Oh and just about something else you said - it's always super clear on the invites and has been for years now 'drop off at xyz at 1pm and pickup at 3. Make sure to wear warm clothes!' or whatever else is needed. If my son has his party at a venue the parents carpool up - we bring 5 kids (we have a 7 seater) and 1/2 other parents bring the rest of the kids. My husband and I stay and everyone else goes for a coffee or goes home if it's close enough. But I always have a plan and a backup plan and never invite more kids than I'm comfortable controlling - my son's friends are a bit more high energy so we cap at 10. I have no issue telling kids to behave themselves and would never let them start rummaging through other people's stuff. I'd also phone a parent immediately if a child was tearful or misbehaving repeatedly.

My son missed the toddler parties (re covid) but I spent hours and hours of my life with my daughter on my lap making awkward small talk with the other parents in her class. I was delighted when parties became dropoff in P1 :-)

Not me - my kids are 8/12 and my examples were all from my 8 year old as he both hosted larger parties and attended larger parties. My daughter is on the spectrum so I didn't start leaving her at parties until maybe 7 while I didn't stay at any of my son's from earlier than that.

Gosh I wished parents dropped and run.

We did a party recently for 6 year old, class party. 27 kids in school hall, we had 10 adults to help out with games and food etc. every parent (except 1) stayed. Some were multiple parents and siblings so suddenly we had about 60 people. I have absolutely no issue with a few parents staying as some of the children were not comfortable alone. But the majority were absolutely fine.

it made the party 10x more stressful having 25+ parents to suddenly host.

Lesson learnt that you need to be explicit on invites of drop & run or stay etc.

Sounds like the hosts lacked foresight in anticipating hazards and the fact young children need occupying. A few craft activities some get bored of with nothing else to do is a recipe for disaster. The hall itself must be badly managed if equipment belonging to particular groups is open to being rummaged through. The children should have been kept to one room, with easy access to a toilet. Maybe it's not safe for parties of young children generally.

As for the crying child - I remember the first party my then 3 year old went to at someone's house. The children were all from her nursery class. Even then many of the parents didn't stay, and one mother, with an apparently nice middle class home / life style, said to me that she couldn't be always staying at parties - I was incredulous. I stayed and her daughter cried several times during the party.

Yes, well before the pandemic!

My DDs almost 7, year 1.
I wouldn't drop and run unless it was clearly communicated. I'm sure others would though.

The hosts need better organisation and party entertainment.

I wonder if this has changed during Covid, and the ones saying you drop and go are parents of older children? We would have probably had the best part of two years of fairly limited parties, or mainly outdoor ones where it wouldn't be safe to drop and go - maybe the social norms have changed.

My friends' daughter started Reception in 2020 and I remember them being really shocked (and annoyed) people dropped and ran for her Y2 party. And like I said, we're Y1 now and no-one drops and runs. Evidence being four parties so far this year.

By 6, its completely normal to drop and go. It's up to the hosts to manage the children not other parents. AIBU to be miffed at the other parents and not the host. managing 14 x 6 year olds should be easy for 2 parents at a party. I've done it and see others do it.

We don't drop and go mainly because 1) our DS doesn't like being left which is fine 2) the distance sometimes means it isn't feasible to return home etc and 3) we get on well with alot of the mums and dads who also go to parties. We tend to use it at time to sit and chat/catch up etc.
I also wouldn't drop and go a child I knew would misbehave but I know people who do. When you plan a party the hosts should be taking that into account really.

And you didn't tell the host to ring her mum??

I stay until about year 4. Only because we have poetry requirements and I don't want to put pressure on hosts, I can manage it myself. But most parents I know would do the same regardless.

In my opinion a child's party is not child care, you accept the invite, then if you can stay and keep an eye on them

That's awful....poor child! No wonder she is insecure.

@crankycurmudgeon I agree leaving a SEN child is difficult but you also said 14 dc. I think you are craving a nice community village activity based on a child’s birthday. What are you going to think when a dc just wants a couple of friends to go on a cinema birthday trip? Or a couple of friends to go to a football match? It will start to happen. With 20 in a year, whole class parties will diminish.

Are you all rich? Some will not be able to afford entertainers and rent halls either. Are you really saying there will be 20 parties like this in a year? Do you expect parents to stay to 20 parties? What about other dc they might have and other commitments? It’s just not realistic. You have already drawn up dividing lines between parents by commenting on their lack of commitment to the cause you feel is important and you are not keen on how others parent and your resulting role at the party. You were not required to have a role though. Parents making decisions you don’t agree with will continue to happen.

@XiCi It was absolutely normal not to stay here. If dc has additional needs, that was different. I knew a couple of parents who liked to hover but in the end they hovered with their hovering friends. My DDs would not have wanted or needed me to stay. It is up to hosts to invite numbers and dc they can manage.

From my experience it is absolutely not normal to leave year 1 children at a party. I think there have been a few very vocal people on this thread that clearly do, but out in the real world this doesn't really happen. Id be really pissed off if i was the OP and ended up having to manage other people's kids at a party. Im there to make sure my child is ok, not to supervise everyone elses. I was opposite ends of the country for my 2 dds at this age and in both places parents stayed. I still remember the one dad that would just drop and run at parties without a word, and yes as pp said, everyone thought he was an arsehole