To have mega mum guilt

years ago I saw some genius on here say that she told her children it’s like jury duty - every year Santa picks houses at random to do it, and he’s just never sent us a elf on the shelf citation/summons.

If you do want to do it then go ahead, if not, that's also fine.

We have them and there's no surveillance- the children do really know it's us doing it. They just move around, sometimes do something silly, sometimes they bring a treat (that we would have got them anyway). Also, shockingly we don't put it on SM.

Just do what you want to do and remember that if people feel the need to be snarky about other people's choices it's probably due to their own insecurities.

I started elf on the shelf years ago. My now 13 years dd still asks if he’s coming as she loves it. You’ve made the right choice, trust me!

Fuck that! As if parenting isn't hard enough without beating yourself up over pissing around with an elf every night in December

Completely acceptable not to do it but equally just acceptable for those who want to also. Whether it's being simple or OTT. People find enjoyment in different things, are trying to create a spark of magic

Yes some are over compensating, but it's at the bottom of a long list of things that people shouldn't really do so no need to put much thought to it really

DS has an advent calendar and that's it. Might put the tree up later.

We've never done elf on the shelf. I know a few people who do it and that's fine as their choice but more people don't than do. DS hasn't questioned.

Are these the houses of people you know...or is it an algorithm i.e. you've looked at one and now they are filling your feed. Social media has a lot to answer for.

We aren't super rich but are lucky enough to be able to afford these things if we wanted...we just don't. Easy for me to say but it doesn't feel tight at all to me...please don't feel that way.

I do elf on the shelf and put the advent calendars out with him on the 1st. That’s it. I think it’s gone way ott with the elf.
did you get your child an advent calendar? Yes you did. You’ve already made him happy. X

Oh, and I never once put it on social media. I don't have it, for a start.

I used to do it the odd time, not all the time. Kids loved it and their excitement was well worth it.
Mumsnetters hate it though. I guess we all react strongly to things we disagree with, as a way to justify our choices. Otherwise it wouldn't bother them one way or the other!

Told my DS I was allergic to elves, so we don't have one. He asked 'like you are with cats?' And that was the end of it.

Load of bloody bollocks.

Don’t be - we don’t do Elf on the Shelf - it’s a new thing, not a British tradition. Growing up we had a paper advent calendar then moved on to a chocolate one.

I made a fabric one for DS a few years ago - it was only reading your thread that reminded me to get it out! Just put it out, 2 chocolate coins in a pocket for today- sorted, and I’ll see if we have an old card one with nice pictures that I can get out for today as well.

Your DC are happy with what is normal to them - they don’t feel like they’re hugely missing out provided you mark birthdays and Christmas in the normal, loving way.

I think if I felt such terrible guilt over a plastic toy, so much so, you had to put a thread on MN about it, I’d splash out and pick one up in Poundland and just put it on the mantelpiece or something, I don’t think it’s compulsory to ‘make’ it do tricks etc. I do think ‘mega mum guilt’ is somewhat OTT though. Do it or don’t 🤷🏼‍♀️

I had a wobble and almost thought about doing Elf a few years ago when my friend and her son (same age as mine) stayed. My friend had to set Elf up at our house FGS! Anyway I decided against it and honestly my kids never asked any questions and really seemed completely unbothered about the fact Elf didn't show at our house other than that one time! I'm super happy I resisted and never added another thing to have to do everyday in the run up to Xmas (and once you have done it one year, I guess you need to keep it up again and again!).

Don't feel guilty about it all but also please don't tell your 6yo that the parents do it as he's likely to tell his friends. Just because you don't want to get involved in something or don't agree with the consumerism or whatever doesn't give you the right to ruin another child's Christmas magic. Some posters on this thread could do with some Christmas spirit if they think it's ok to take away a child's belief in something magical

This world is so depressing and children grow up so fast nowadays I don't think we should be so critical of parents who want to make the most of those few magical years

I didn't do the Elf until DD was in year 2 and they had a class elf. We already had an elf toy from a previous gift. So we do it now but in a low level way. Luckily DD mentioned it yesterday and luckily I was able to find the elf!

Well done for not getting sucked in

An advent calendar is plenty. I can’t be doing with setting up elaborate elf japes every bloody night.

I’ve always refused to do it. My DS when 7 asked why he doesn’t have an elf and all his classmates do. I told him I don’t have time to do it that’s why. No guilt whatever from me.

Never done, don't ever intend to and have zero guilt about it

I've not done it this year, might have to next year as my kids are bigger. We did have an advent box this morning though with the calenders, a colouring book each plus their festive plates/cups and tops. But the plates etc are the same as last year and the tops I bought in last year's sale so cost wise I only had to pay for the colouring books.

The "elf" dropped it off this morning

Don't feel guilty! It's totally naff, and just another thing for parents to add to the do list the run up to Christmas. I'd rather spend the time doing our own family traditions.

It was invented so people could hawk books and other elf-related tat. From Wikipedia.... "The Elf on the Shelf was written in 2004 by Carol Aebersold and her daughter Chanda Bell. Bell suggested they write a book based on their family tradition of an elf sent from Santa who came to watch over children at Christmas time. Aebersold's other daughter, Christa Pitts, was recruited by the family to share her expertise in sales and marketing. Together, the trio devoted the next three years to promoting their self-published book and attending book signings and trade shows."

@Crouchingdragonhiddentiger Some love it, some hate it…each to their own really!!
I don’t think it’s something to have guilt over though! DS is 4 and we haven’t done it yet, not sure if we will in future or not 🤷🏻‍♀️

Personally, I think the issue is more with people’s need to continuously post the endless days of the elf, the Christmas decorations, the piles of presents, the Christmas Eve boxes & the continuous festive days out all over social media 🙄 I can understand how being constantly bombarded with it all Dec can make it feel like your celebrations are “not enough”.

DS has a refillable fabric calendar which I put a choc coin in each night. We’ve had a number of Christmas books that have been bought/gifted over the last few years that I packed away with the decs last year rather than having them in his bookcase all year round so I’ve brought those out as our bedtime books for the month 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’ll pack them away again this year (some will likely be too young for him by next year so I’ll pass those on)
I do buy him some Christmas jammies but he usually needs warmer ones by this time of year anyway so I just make them Christmas 🤷🏻‍♀️😂 (and he wears them right through to summer!). DH and I have the same ones we’ve had for about 10 years 😂
We do one trip to see Santa, usually at our local garden centre. This year we’re doing a “bigger” event at a restaurant which is a storytelling with the elves, and a visit from Santa along with a 3 course dinner. Far more extravagant than we’d usually do but DH is away for Christmas this year due to his work, we have no other local family, and it’ll just be DS and I for Christmas Day so we’re treating that as our big Christmas dinner and having a much more low key Christmas Day.

We’re just having a collective vent. I, like other posters had an underwhelming experience with elf on the shelf however I bear no ill will towards him personally or any other furniture sitting elves.

I wouldn't feel guilty. We don't do it/have zero plans to. Aside from the fact it looks creepy and weird and I don't want it in the house in case it comes alive in the night and murders us all, it's just not something I want to be part of our Christmas traditions. We have plenty of other stuff we do instead.

I will say that if anyone wants to do something like this but objects to the freaky-ass elf, I read something about kindness elves, which are little wooden figures that aren't creepy-looking and it's not about surveillance but about doing good deeds.

It's because it yet another thing for the mother to do. And yes, let's face it, it's the mothers that are doing this.

Another job in the ever growing list of expectations of Christmas. Mother's now "have to" sort all of the below for Christmas;

North pole breakfast - including planning, buying and making and photos
Dec 1 and/or Christmas Eve vices - including buying the crap, and/or retrieving the Christmas stuff and putting it out.
Christmas shows - rehearsals, costumes, getting time off work etc
Trips to Santa
Finding a christmas jumper
Donations to various causes
Trips to cinema/Ice skating/ markets/ fairs
Decorations
Buying and wrapping presents for everyone
Organising visits and visitors
Planning, buying and cooking dinner

And now;
Elf on the shelf.

There's a mother who started a "mega mum guilt" post for not doing YET ANOTHER THING.

It's utterly depressing. You wouldn't have a "mega dad guilt" thread.