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Original poster

Xmas eve boxes for children who aren't here on Xmas eve?!

185 replies

georgeballooney · 30/11/2024 19:22

I KNOW this is super early but we are away for 10 days from Monday and then I am working a lot until Christmas so today I have done a lot of my christmas shopping.

This included the contents of my DCs Christmas eve box PJs, hot chocolates, book, toy, sweets that sort of thing. She is 4.

Was putting this all in the box this evening and DH was asking why I haven't done one for DSC who are 15 & 12. I said because they aren't with us Christmas eve this year. He thinks this is unreasonable and I "would still do it if it were DD" whereas I think it's unnecessary if they aren't even going to be there (probably get one at mums).

I did them one last year when they were with us (that was the first year I'd done any at all).

So basically aibu to not do a Christmas eve box for children not even here on Christmas eve? They would be here but only until about 11am on 24th then with mum until boxing day.

And aibu (probably am) to tell him to make his own damn boxes if he wants to.

OP posts:
Littlemissgobby · 30/11/2024 21:18

Ghosttofu99 · 30/11/2024 21:11

I don’t get that on top of everything else we are already expected to do for Christmas, there is now an expectation for a Christmas Eve box and the Elves on shelves.

Kids get so much now don’t they

Ghosttofu99 · 30/11/2024 21:16

Lwrenn · 30/11/2024 20:01

Missing the point of the thread, sorry OP.

I see this on here alot about christmas eve boxes being a new trend but im wondering is it a new trend or maybe a regional thing? I'm in Merseyside.
I've been making Christmas eve boxes or gift bags for kids since 2001 I think?
Nothing elaborate at all but I've enjoyed making them. I wonder though when the trend started? My childhood neighbours used to get me Xmas pjs and pass in a colouring book to me on Christmas eve and some other kiddos on our estate with homemade mince pies, so I carried it on with my neighbours kids when I started working because it was the highlight of Christmas as a kid for me.
My lovely neighbours do things for my DC also but I think I've just struck neighbour gold because none of my pals neighbours do this.
But I remember new pjs and an activity being a Xmas eve thing.

Last year I didn't do my eldest an Xmas eve box (got him nice chocs and bathbomb) and you'd think I'd told him he was eating his Christmas dinner alone in the garden. Lesson learnt, he'll have a Xmas eve box until I croak now.

You are probably right with 2001 then, as I finished school in 2000 and don’t know of anyone who got Christmas Eve boxes. But, again, i grew up in a different region so maybe it has spread from one of the regions. Christmas Eve was about Christingals and carols around here.

OrigamiOwls · 30/11/2024 21:15

If he wants to do boxes for them he is free to

leia24 · 30/11/2024 21:15

AnnaMagnani · 30/11/2024 19:32

They are his kids
They aren't there on Christmas Eve
They are older and at least the 15 yr old is out of the 'pyjamas, sweets and a book' age

So many reasons not to do it.

Has he done all his Christmas shopping or is it going to be 30 minutes before closing on Christmas Eve?

Idk mine is about to turn 15 and might never be out of the pyjamas and sweets age.

AwfulAmount · 30/11/2024 21:15

Could you give all the children their new pj's December 1st instead, or whenever you see them after that? Then they get a few weeks wear out of them.

Do you know what day it is and what time?

willowpatternchina · 30/11/2024 21:15

Surely they have their own traditions on Christmas Eve with their mum? Also, your DD is so much younger than they are. I don't see the issue with her having something a bit different from them on the years when they're not actually there.

Obviously if it turns out there's a huge back story where their mum doesn't do much with them at Christmas time, doesn't have money for any Christmas treats or whatever then that's different. But it's not as if your DD is going to be opening some sort of huge gift in front of them while they get nothing.

If your DH is really concerned then he should find out from his DC what they're likely to be doing on Christmas Eve with their mum, and make his plans accordingly.

Startinganew32 · 30/11/2024 21:15

TY78910 · 30/11/2024 21:09

I literally just spoke to my 20yo niece who is the dsc in her dad's household and feels like they have their own life and she's not a part of that. How sad.

Treat all your kids the same. Make them the damn box and either give to their mum ahead of time or give them when they come round after. Imagine your biological DCs saying 'look what I got' and they got nothing.

To all those saying 'why isn't the husband doing it they're his kids'. He's not making any damn boxes in the first place. Not his idea, but excluding his kids still hurts.

Show quote history

I agree with this. We always hear from people who hated growing up in step families that they were treated like an inconvenience and excluded and felt like their step parents didn’t love them. The whole “his kids his problem” stuff is fine for adults but kids don’t see it that way. They like it if adults are kind to them and show them that they care. It won’t kill you to do a couple of more boxes that they can have either before they go to their mums or when they come back.

RuthW · 30/11/2024 21:13

I would be check with their other parent to see if they ate doing them and if not, I'd do them

HangryBeaker · 30/11/2024 21:13

I've never even heard of Xmas eve box. I've filed it mentally alongside elf on the shelf as something I will never do for my kids. (I'm not clear what elf on shelf is anyway)

Vinted is stuffed full of worn once cheap and nasty Christmas themed tat, people need to stop being so indulgent.

Ghosttofu99 · 30/11/2024 21:11

I don’t get that on top of everything else we are already expected to do for Christmas, there is now an expectation for a Christmas Eve box and the Elves on shelves.

TY78910 · 30/11/2024 21:09

mamajong · 30/11/2024 19:29

I treat my dsc the same as my own kids so if they were here in the morning I'd do them one personally

I literally just spoke to my 20yo niece who is the dsc in her dad's household and feels like they have their own life and she's not a part of that. How sad.

Treat all your kids the same. Make them the damn box and either give to their mum ahead of time or give them when they come round after. Imagine your biological DCs saying 'look what I got' and they got nothing.

To all those saying 'why isn't the husband doing it they're his kids'. He's not making any damn boxes in the first place. Not his idea, but excluding his kids still hurts.

Startinganew32 · 30/11/2024 21:05

saraclara · 30/11/2024 21:04

But they'll be with their mum. Why would they get two boxes to OP's child's one?

Show quote history

Maybe the mum doesn’t do these stupid boxes. Not everyone does.

saraclara · 30/11/2024 21:04

Massimoscupofcoffee · 30/11/2024 21:01

If you’re doing them for your kids I would. Believe me it’s the teeny tiny things that get under peoples skin. Dont go all in but offer up something

But they'll be with their mum. Why would they get two boxes to OP's child's one?

Startinganew32 · 30/11/2024 21:03

I’d do one for all of them. Except it sounds like such a lame trend so maybe for none of them. But I’d definitely do one for them all if I was going to do one for one of them.

AffableApple · 30/11/2024 21:03

Doing a Christmas Eve box for them to take home would be treading on their mother's toes. If he disagrees, he can do everyone a box for the 23rd, and you keep your box for your DC for the next night. Problem solved.

TENSsion · 30/11/2024 21:03

Their dad should do them one.

saraclara · 30/11/2024 21:03

EmotionalSupportPotato · 30/11/2024 20:12

Their mum will be doing Christmas eve it would be rude to crash their day

That. Giving them one the day before steps right on her toes, and makes hers less of an event. It also gives the kids the opportunity to compare the boxes and judge the parents, which would be grim.

ValleyKings · 30/11/2024 21:02

No I would never do one for my dsd if she wasn’t there on Xmas eve. Pointless.

and if he’s that bothered then he can go and make it.

Massimoscupofcoffee · 30/11/2024 21:01

If you’re doing them for your kids I would. Believe me it’s the teeny tiny things that get under peoples skin. Dont go all in but offer up something

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 30/11/2024 20:58

I would chuck in a couple of Easter Eggs in case you are away next year. Oh, and a couple of those palm cross thingies if they are religious

Peony15 · 30/11/2024 20:55

What is a Christmas Eve Box ? When did they start, have never heard of them ?!
Don't kids get up at the crack
of dawn on 25th anymore to see what's in their stockings, followed by present opening later ?
No spring chicken but can not be that much behind the times.

familyissues12345 · 30/11/2024 20:51

EmotionalSupportPotato · 30/11/2024 20:12

Their mum will be doing Christmas eve it would be rude to crash their day

I agree, I think Christmas Eve boxes should be something the parent gets to do who has them - if they want to do one

Ellmau · 30/11/2024 20:49

Tell him to ask his ex what she wants to do and offer to pay half.

BlueHairnet · 30/11/2024 20:49

georgeballooney · 30/11/2024 19:29

He wants to give DSC theirs the night before. Which is fine, he knows where the shop is!

Too right. He's got more than 3 weeks to sort it!

Goldbar · 30/11/2024 20:48

It is open to different views whether children need one Christmas Eve box.

They certainly don't need two.

If he falls into the "Christmas Eve" box camp (which is a reasonable position to be in), then surely the first thing he should do is check with the DSC's mum if she is organising a box. If she is, great, no further action needed. If she isn't, then maybe he (not you, OP, he) can take charge and drop boxes off at hers for Christmas Eve (or give the night before, whatever).