Xmas eve boxes for children who aren't here on Xmas eve?!

Surely you're doing Christmas with them at some point? So the night before that is your Christmas Eve with them and you give them then?

It must be absolutely sh*t having to live between two families like this, and being able to join in multiple celebrations and traditions is a small way to compensate for the difficulties they have to put up with throughout the rest of the year.

I agree with the PP who said that you and your husband need to take the blame 50/50 as it's just a lack of communication on both your parts.

You just need to say that you're sorry, you didn't think it through as they're not there on the 24th Dec but obviously it would be great if he could resolve this as you're now short on time. I would suggest that he also gets replenishments for anything consumable in your youngest's box so she can then recreate her box to show her older siblings.

If you don't want to deal with multiple Christmases each year, don't have kids with someone who already has kids!

I can see why your husband wants his children to have one but I can't understand why he wouldn't want to do that himself. I wouldn't want anyone else doing that for my child except one of their parents.

I wouldn’t be doing Xmas eve boxes at all. More tat and consumption before a day geared almost entirely towards it. I’m not buying more “stuff” to prepare for a day of getting more ”stuff”

Its a fairly recent trend probably dreamt up by whoever sells nauseating Christmas pyjamas. Similarly that fucking elf thing.

whatever happened to having a few mince pies, hanging up stockings and a plate left out for Santa 🤪

Surely he needs to talk to his ex to start with? I'd be a bit pissed off if it was my year to have the kids Christmas eve and he jumped in first with a 23rd December box. Unless she's never done them? If he wants to make it a new tradition as it hasn't been, then he needed to ask you at the very least.

Hardly complex. They're just not there on Christmas Eve! Easy. I don't even do Christmas Eve boxes and it's obvious to me. They're part of the build up the night before, which they're not there for. A few sachets of chocolate between Christmas and New Year isn't the same thing! She's not talking about not buying them Christmas presents - which you can give any day around that time - and should obviously be given in equal measure to all of the children. The boxes are for a specific night.

The children are not there Christmas Eve, THAT is the key issue.

He still wants them to have boxes for the night before?
Then he should do them himself.....AND if they are there for Christmas Eve next year, he should be part of organising them for all 3 children.
They are his children.
OP is NOT his personal assistant, despite what he thinks.

Get her another sachet of hot chocolate then. Ffs. All these complex reasons why these older kids need to be left out.

But it's time sensitive. It's for Christmas Eve. That's why it's called a Christmas Eve box. If they do it another night then DD is left out of the group that night as she's had hers - on Christmas Eve.

I'd say the same: That it's a Christmas Eve box. And that they will be with their other parent on Christmas Eve, doing their own Christmas Eve thing - which shouldn't be influenced by their father.

No. Do any of these afflictions affect the OP who was able to go to the shop to buy the stuff for the youngest but apparently not for the SDC?

I’d genuinely be interested in the response to a post along these lines:

I have a child from a previous relationship and s/he spends every other Christmas with his/her dad. I also have a younger child with my DP. DP was making a Christmas surprise/treat/whatever for the youngest so I asked if he was also going to make one for my oldest and he shrugged and said he didn’t see the point as s/he wouldn’t be there and if I was that bothered, I know where the shop is and can do it myself. AIBU to be upset?

I bet you’d get loads of replies about what a dick he is and how the OP had imposed this unkind uncaring man on her eldest and should get rid pronto. But if the sexes are reversed it’s fine apparently.

Is DH unable to do one for his own kids?

Is he an amputee or unable to access shops or the internet?

Well in this situation absolutely no harm will befall the youngest if the OP also makes a little box up for her half siblings. She will still get her special treat on Christmas Eve, it’s just that her older siblings will also feel cared for and special.
I don’t think anyone has said anything about bread and water but I have seen threads where someone says she can’t relax around her SDC so is it okay to exclude them from the main family holiday or how she wants to take her DC to Disney but doesn’t want the SDC to go because of cost or other reasons. That’s nothing to do with bread and water and is just really shit.

I agree. Tell him that sounds like a great idea and youll love to see what he fills them with… and he can do them all next year.

OPs child also has feelings not just the POOOOOR step kids who are always left out allegedly

well I’m sure her half siblings having a Christmas treat as well as her won’t damage her too much. Also what’s with the allegedly? Often they are actually left out. Many kids live between two homes where both parents have had another child and if both step parents take the attitude that they should only care about their own child (but obviously want the other parent along as well for the special stuff they only want to do with their own child) then the older child can feel they don’t fully belong anywhere. Thankfully there are lots of step parents out there who do include their step kids in everything they do.

It’s difficult for sure to find a balance. I think people either sway towards not bothering at all to include step kids or going the other extreme and bending over backwards to include them in everything which then in turn leaves the new child left out because they never get to do anything special unless the other kids are there. Like they aren’t good enough to just have nice things for themselves and always have their lives paused until the golden step kids are back and activities resume. In the rest of the time anything over and above subsisting on water and bread is deemed to “Leave them out” .

I think a balance is necessary and if the small child gets something that is meant to occupy small children as somebody explained up thread then just leave it at that? No need to go round phoning the ex to see if she is doing something and then offering to pay for that. If she does if- great if she doesn’t then no harm done.

Also it’s the thought behind it. Even if you don’t get them PJs just get them some sweets and a book and some hot chocolate. They don’t need to take it to their mums, they can have it waiting for when they return. Jesus, it’s such a simple thing but no, too much bother.

I think if you’re doing one for one then do them for all. We do December boxes rather than Christmas Eve boxes so they can use the bits throughout December, would that work? Albeit a bit late for tomorrow!

You need to make more effort when there’s step kids involved and I deeply dislike the “can’t I just take my child away with me and my DH” type attitudes that I see a lot with holidays. Yeah I mean do that but the SDC will pick up on it and they will remember it. MN always talk about how shit blended families are for kids but then they also tell step parents that they should exclude their SDC because it’s not their responsibility. Well of course blended families will then be shit.

The kids won’t know as they aren’t even there. So is OP not allowed to ever do anything nice for her child just because she wants to? Can she not take her kid to the zoo for example because the step kids aren’t there and can’t possibly “miss out” ie just do something else on their side of the family that they are with that time?

OPs child also has feelings not just the POOOOOR step kids who are always left out allegedly. Ops daughter deserves to do nice things and feel valued by her parents on her own and not feel like all the good stuff is saved for when step kids are there because she herself isn’t worth bothering.

Plus - we’re talking about a plush toy and a hot chocolate sachet. Would a 15 year old really begrudge a 4 year old this when he’s not even in the same house when she gets it?

Could your DH speak to his ExDW?
With a bit of communication he could ask if she is doing Christmas eve boxes and then offer to get pyjamas for them. Or whatever she prefers.

Presumably you will have the DSC next year, so will do them boxes then.

I would do one for them in this situation no

Well he isn’t doing a box for anyone is he? So yes i think it’s reasonable that his wife doesn’t just do a box for the biological child and leave the others out.
I bet some of the posters on here wouldn’t like it if their DH/DP left out their kids from a previous relationship.
Also kids don’t see it the way adults do, as in it’s dads responsibility and not step mum’s. They will just see it as being left out.

Oh god another loser who has a second family and nags the poor woman silly enough to marry him, that SHE needs to do shit for HIS children that he couldn't be arsed to do for ANY of his children.🙄

OP, tell him to get lost.
Think long and hard about having another child with this waster.
They really are ALL the same.

Wanting someone else to do what they wouldn't dream of doing for their children.

Yanbu. I'm doing boxes on December 1st this year instead of Xmas. My sc won't be here so I've only done them for my dc. If dh has a problem with this he can do his own sometime.