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AIBU?

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Original poster

Xmas eve boxes for children who aren't here on Xmas eve?!

185 replies

georgeballooney · 30/11/2024 19:22

I KNOW this is super early but we are away for 10 days from Monday and then I am working a lot until Christmas so today I have done a lot of my christmas shopping.

This included the contents of my DCs Christmas eve box PJs, hot chocolates, book, toy, sweets that sort of thing. She is 4.

Was putting this all in the box this evening and DH was asking why I haven't done one for DSC who are 15 & 12. I said because they aren't with us Christmas eve this year. He thinks this is unreasonable and I "would still do it if it were DD" whereas I think it's unnecessary if they aren't even going to be there (probably get one at mums).

I did them one last year when they were with us (that was the first year I'd done any at all).

So basically aibu to not do a Christmas eve box for children not even here on Christmas eve? They would be here but only until about 11am on 24th then with mum until boxing day.

And aibu (probably am) to tell him to make his own damn boxes if he wants to.

OP posts:
78Summer · 01/12/2024 08:01

Perhaps he sees the morning as still being Christmas Eve and assumed this year would be the same.
Perhaps he can speak to their mum and get ideas for one if he thinks they will be upset. It’s far easier to buy for a younger child anyhow.

LottieMary · 01/12/2024 08:01

Yabu not to tell him you weren’t because you did it last year and so set a precedent. I’m all for changing so dh does his share and can give the dsc their bo ss before they go, if they’re there till 11, but he needs to know you’re not doing it this year

RosieLeaf · 01/12/2024 08:00

I've no idea, his penis perhaps

🤣

LlynTegid · 01/12/2024 07:55

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

You are not being mean one bit, please don't think that. And if they are upset on Christmas morning then they need to get a sense of perspective.

Startinganew32 · 01/12/2024 07:55

I bet you anything that if you had an older biological child who was spending Christmas with another relative (or if your DH and you split and your DD was spending Christmas with him) you would absolutely make them a box, no question whatsoever. So would everyone else on here who’s saying it’s fine and that the DH should do it. And that’s the point - it’s not about who goes to the shop or whatever - it’s showing that you care.

itsgettingweird · 01/12/2024 07:55

I'd have done them for all the kids (if I'd said I'd do that task) and I'd have given them out at 9am ish over breakfast when all together.

It's still Xmas eve, and your DD gets to share it with her siblings.

LlynTegid · 01/12/2024 07:54

IVFmumoftwo · 01/12/2024 07:52

YABU for even doing Christmas Eve boxes. Waste of time and money.

I agree. Should be consigned to history.

mostlylovinglife · 01/12/2024 07:54

Posted in wrong place, have requested its removal

mostlylovinglife · 01/12/2024 07:52

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

IVFmumoftwo · 01/12/2024 07:52

YABU for even doing Christmas Eve boxes. Waste of time and money.

Honeycrisp · 01/12/2024 07:52

georgeballooney · 30/11/2024 19:29

He wants to give DSC theirs the night before. Which is fine, he knows where the shop is!

OK well problem solved then. He's got plenty of time to sort it out.

Original poster
georgeballooney · 01/12/2024 07:48

Sheepsandcows · 01/12/2024 07:44

Xmas eve boxes are weird. That aside, I wouldn't do them for the step children.

I assume they are DH's DC? what exactly prevents him from prepping them?

Yes they are DHs DC.

I've no idea, his penis perhaps.

If I suggest he just sort them then if he's bothered I get the whole it's not the point, it just shows him I don't care or don't think about them.

Which is rubbish. Because I did them last year. I just don't see the need when they aren't here. That's just a different opinion to him, not lack of care.

OP posts:
Sheepsandcows · 01/12/2024 07:47

Startinganew32 · 01/12/2024 07:34

Yes exactly. Or the pp who says yes they should have the box but it must be the dad who sorts it? I can now see why so much of MN finds blended families a total shitshow. I’d absolutely hate to live with an adult who made it clear they weren’t there to do anything for me as that was my parent’s role. I wonder if they think OP should cook dinner for her own child but not for the DSC because that’s her DH’s job.

Show quote history

I hazard a guess that the step mum cooks for the step children when they are with them. I assume the step mum is not cooking for them when they are staying with the bio mum. same principle. some replies are bonkers!

Sheepsandcows · 01/12/2024 07:44

Xmas eve boxes are weird. That aside, I wouldn't do them for the step children.

I assume they are DH's DC? what exactly prevents him from prepping them?

Original poster
georgeballooney · 01/12/2024 07:43

Startinganew32 · 01/12/2024 07:29

Why can’t their step mum do it seeing as she’s doing the one for their younger sibling? You do realise that this insistence that the parent does absolutely everything for the child is likely to prevent a good relationship between kids and step parents?

Show quote history

I did do them last year and I'll likely do them next year. Because they will actually be here.

I don't see the need this year as they aren't with us. Which is why I've suggested if DH does want to, then he is just as capable as me at sorting it and arranging it.

OP posts:
RosieLeaf · 01/12/2024 07:42

Startinganew32 · 01/12/2024 07:29

Why can’t their step mum do it seeing as she’s doing the one for their younger sibling? You do realise that this insistence that the parent does absolutely everything for the child is likely to prevent a good relationship between kids and step parents?

Show quote history

Because it’s the dad who is demanding she does it. If someone demands something - they can do it themselves.

It’s not a mum/stepmum job because they are a woman.

Pumpkincozynights · 01/12/2024 07:41

Why isn’t their father doing it?

Username19832756 · 01/12/2024 07:36

He should be doing them!

Startinganew32 · 01/12/2024 07:34

Anxioustealady · 01/12/2024 00:41

All this aggro over £15, just so they can justify not doing something kind for stepchildren.

Show quote history

Yes exactly. Or the pp who says yes they should have the box but it must be the dad who sorts it? I can now see why so much of MN finds blended families a total shitshow. I’d absolutely hate to live with an adult who made it clear they weren’t there to do anything for me as that was my parent’s role. I wonder if they think OP should cook dinner for her own child but not for the DSC because that’s her DH’s job.

Startinganew32 · 01/12/2024 07:29

UpTheMagicChristmasTree · 01/12/2024 06:37

They should have one, but your dh should organise it. I'd do it as an advent box though so that the pyjamas etc can be used throughout the month and it doesn't take away from the anticipation on Christmas Eve.

Why can’t their step mum do it seeing as she’s doing the one for their younger sibling? You do realise that this insistence that the parent does absolutely everything for the child is likely to prevent a good relationship between kids and step parents?

Original poster
georgeballooney · 01/12/2024 07:25

We wouldn't be giving DD hers until the evening, same as last year.

I agree with PPs to be honest that giving DSC the night before/in the morning/ sending them with a box to mums is totally taking over her Christmas eve. She might have her own plans, in fact knowing her I'm certain she will even if it's not a box. It's her turn to plan Christmas eve.

If I'd gone to the effort last year and then she just sent them round with boxes she had done I think I'd be pissed.

OP posts:
Bertielong3 · 01/12/2024 07:12

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

MrsWhites · 01/12/2024 06:59

I think it depends on when the children would normally receive the boxes? In the morning, or later on in the day? If they got them in the morning last year then they will probably expect them again and it’s unfair to leave them out. If in the evening, then you are fine.

For context, I have step-children and biological children myself and am also a step-child myself.

UpTheMagicChristmasTree · 01/12/2024 06:37

They should have one, but your dh should organise it. I'd do it as an advent box though so that the pyjamas etc can be used throughout the month and it doesn't take away from the anticipation on Christmas Eve.

PinkyFlamingo · 01/12/2024 06:36

Why does he automatically assume you would do them rather than think to do them himself?