So, 10 years ago I (then 37) met a guy on holiday in the Middle East on a business trip. He was a manager at one of the airlines, a bit younger than me. I had issues with luggage and was at my wits' end with the bureaucracy, and let's just say he helped me out, and we stayed in touch.
Three years later, he moved to England for work, and we started talking. Talking led to coffee, coffee led to meals, and before long, we were an item. He proposed three months later, and we married, despite some concerns from his family.
His mother is Christian, his father Muslim, and he takes after his dad, though in a more relaxed way... Anyway, moving on to the present. I have two 14-year-old twin sons from a previous marriage to a shitty ex who is now out of our lives. My sons really look up to my husband, and he is very close to them. They go cycling every Saturday morning, he takes them swimming twice a week, and we also do a lot of family outings together.
However, I'm starting to feel like his way of encouraging them to be 'men' is rubbing off in ways I’m not sure I’m comfortable with. He often tells them to "fight back," "be a man," or to toughen up. He’s not abusive or anything like that, but his approach is very focused on masculinity—especially when it comes to discipline, schoolwork, and things like cleaning up.
It works in the sense that they’re motivated to get things done and they’re thriving in all sorts of ways , but the whole 'toughen up' and ‘man up’ attitude feels a bit outdated, and it clashes with my own very North London lefty liberal feminist worldview. And it’s changing them too as they seem I don’t know… just different from their cousins etc.
I don’t mean to undermine him or all but I would really appreciate your thoughts?