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AIBU?

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Original poster

To question how other parents make it look

32 replies

Saveme100 · 30/11/2024 15:25

So easy. My almost 7 year old son is hard work. I am seriously thinking he may had adhd but the school said he's too reserved at school for it. He's a good kid. Full of character. Very affectionate. But he is impossible on days out. Or out shopping. Everything's a headache with him. It's like his ears stop working. He can't keep still. He can't concentrate. He's annoying. To the point I just can't be bothered planning much with him and my 9 year-old because I know how he will be.

Today was straight forward. I was popping in a couple of places and we picked up decorations for the tree. All day (understandably) it's been can we do the tree. Can we. Can we. I bought a game for us to play first. He would not listen how to play. Which resulted in all of us bored and fed up. 9 year-old wanted to get stuck in but he kept spoiling it.
I want to do the tree. But it's touch touch touch and I'm abit rubbish with lights etc and can see it being fiddly and him being dead impatient.

I tried hard to plan this weekend so they'd both be happy and have fun. But they are both currently sad and sulking because I need to sort stuff and have some calm before I will even entertain the tree.

Why is parenting so stressful when it should be nice.

OP posts:
Original poster
Saveme100 · 30/11/2024 15:49

DazedAndConfused321 · 30/11/2024 15:45

Don't give him the option and then take it back? Make it clear from the beginning that he can help hand decorations on it, but you're going to set it up and do the fiddly bits- make it clear it's boring. Or only take him decoration shopping when you've already done the tree- when he's asleep or at school for example. Then he doesn't have to wait around for you to be bothered to do it

You've basically waggled the carrot under his nose and then taken it away. Be firm and explain your reasoning, don't mess him about poor kid!

Ahh yes. Good advice. Make sure I do everything his way and set him up to think in life everything is waiting for him there and then.

OP posts:
Original poster
Saveme100 · 30/11/2024 15:47

devongirl12 · 30/11/2024 15:42

I feel the same. It's so hard.

I just feel so drained. A day of simple tasks can end up with everyone in tears.

The constant "can I have, can I have" is relentless.

We are going to see Santa tonight. The 8 year old is excited but totally grilling me, trying to "catch me out" that he isn't real.

I suspect ht knows he isn't real but is kind of half clinging to a hope that he is.

In which case....pleaeeeease stop grilling me. You want to believe, i want you to believe, I've said he's real so now just please fucking drop it.

The Santa we go to is in a garden centre and they sell the kids favourite cakes. So they will get a cake. They will probably also get a chocolate from Santa.

We were in Aldi this morning and they were both crying for sweets. Just stopppppp, please! They are getting sweets tonight, but it's like nothing is ever enough for them, they just want more more more.

They are lovely kids, honestly. But oh my god they are exhausting.

They are a very entitled generation in general I think. I dont blame them to a degree. They see so much more in terms of social media and tele. You tube etc. They are taught to over consume. Our brains as children didn't get the exposure. I can only presume that's where the entitled behaviour comes from in modern day kids. I dont recall my parents ever doing stuff for me. Like planning a day for me. It was very much walking around fish farms and garden centers and behaving. We didn't even go in cafes as my parents weren't like that. I'm 36 so not that old. But I often feel baffled as I've always put the boundaries in place.

Its just not fun is it. You do things to bring them joy. I find the age gap with mine almost 3 years is really obvious at the moment.

I hope santa goes well and the kids behave for you. X

OP posts:
DazedAndConfused321 · 30/11/2024 15:45

Don't give him the option and then take it back? Make it clear from the beginning that he can help hand decorations on it, but you're going to set it up and do the fiddly bits- make it clear it's boring. Or only take him decoration shopping when you've already done the tree- when he's asleep or at school for example. Then he doesn't have to wait around for you to be bothered to do it

You've basically waggled the carrot under his nose and then taken it away. Be firm and explain your reasoning, don't mess him about poor kid!

devongirl12 · 30/11/2024 15:42

I feel the same. It's so hard.

I just feel so drained. A day of simple tasks can end up with everyone in tears.

The constant "can I have, can I have" is relentless.

We are going to see Santa tonight. The 8 year old is excited but totally grilling me, trying to "catch me out" that he isn't real.

I suspect ht knows he isn't real but is kind of half clinging to a hope that he is.

In which case....pleaeeeease stop grilling me. You want to believe, i want you to believe, I've said he's real so now just please fucking drop it.

The Santa we go to is in a garden centre and they sell the kids favourite cakes. So they will get a cake. They will probably also get a chocolate from Santa.

We were in Aldi this morning and they were both crying for sweets. Just stopppppp, please! They are getting sweets tonight, but it's like nothing is ever enough for them, they just want more more more.

They are lovely kids, honestly. But oh my god they are exhausting.

WasThatACorner · 30/11/2024 15:33

He sounds like my youngest.

People make it look easy by not having kids like them. I made shit look soooooo easy with DS1&2. Not because I was a better parent, just because they are laid back, happy lads.

My only advice would be lower the expectations, DS3 can't manage a shop without me being close to tears. He wouldn't manage a sequence of events like that. Wouldn't manage a game before the tree. Maybe a game sat under the tree afterwards but definitely not before.

It's hard for the whole family, everyone gets frustrated / upset, he ends up beating himself up and we all feel awful.

I'm sorry it's hard, I hope you all find a groove that you can feel comfortable in.

Original poster
Saveme100 · 30/11/2024 15:33

Nespressso · 30/11/2024 15:29

I agree. We’ve just been out to chose a tree and it was a fucking disaster. I honestly don’t know why we bother spending money or trying to do nice things. Same with the Xmas market earlier in the week.

We don’t do too much, carefully plan days around rests/ snacks/ all of their needs so they aren’t hungry/ tired/ cold. The children are easier and happier plonked in front of a tv all weekend. I feel such a failure. I honestly hate family time.

I am trying so hard to raise balanced kids. I dont spoil them but I try give them more than I did. I just want them to be happy. Not hyped up. Just happy. I hate taking them both into shops. My 9 year-old has her moments but my son is often just ruining everything for her. It's not fair.

OP posts:
Nespressso · 30/11/2024 15:29

I agree. We’ve just been out to chose a tree and it was a fucking disaster. I honestly don’t know why we bother spending money or trying to do nice things. Same with the Xmas market earlier in the week.

We don’t do too much, carefully plan days around rests/ snacks/ all of their needs so they aren’t hungry/ tired/ cold. The children are easier and happier plonked in front of a tv all weekend. I feel such a failure. I honestly hate family time.

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