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AIBU?

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Original poster

Abortion , need some advice please :(

86 replies

PinkExpert · 30/11/2024 14:40

Hi

this is my first time positing on here, ive been reading threads for a few weeks now on other peoples stories and rattling my brain what is the best thing for me.

I got pregnant unexpectedly , by my long distance boyfriend of 1.5 years. The distance between us is about 1.5-2 hours driving. He has never met my family, and I have only ever met his brother a few times. I’m unsure to why we’ve never actually met family in the time we’ve been together, probably because we only really see each other one night at a time over the weekend, maybe 2 if we’re lucky. And sometimes this can be 2 times a month (due to our work patterns) I still live at home with my family (some of them don’t even know about my boyfriend) and he hasn’t really got a safe place to live in either, he’s just got kicked out of his brothers place.

When I told him I was pregnant we was both shocked , and couldn’t believe it. He drove up to see me the day later and I felt instantly safe. It’s been a few weeks since then and I’m having constant panic attacks worrying about my future. I know all these things are fixable ; finding a house and stuff. But with me being pregnant I’m constantly worrying what’s gonna happen where , when will I next see my boyfriend? I want to be stable first before having a baby not living 2 hours from him, seeing him few times a week.

He doesn’t want me to have an abortion and he has said some nasty stuff to me about thinking about it, the only reason stopping me from taking the abortion pills is him because I’m worried what he’s gonna say to me during it (make me feel worse) or how he’s gonna feel? He ended our relationship 5 days ago but came back 3 days later? But I’m so worried if I take this pill he will leave me again? The midwife’s told me I can’t let his feelings override mine but I can’t face to lose him.

I just wish I was in a better place to have a baby; not living at home, the distance between us , atleast one of us had somewhere to live and I was more prepared.

I’ve leaned my lesson from not using contraception and I’m looking at going on some contraception after this , I want every form of it !!

I just need someone to speak to :( xx

OP posts:
TheDowagerCountessofPembroke · 30/11/2024 15:17

This isn’t a relationship. You see him twice a month, you’ve never lived with him, you don’t really know him. This is friends with benefits at best.

Don’t have a baby with this man.

Dotto · 30/11/2024 15:05

Why doesn't a 38 year old man have anywhere to live? Why did he get kicked out of his brother's home?

DeffoNeedANameChange · 30/11/2024 15:04

You must do what's right for you, not what's right for someone who may not even be in your life in 6 months time.

Allthehorsesintheworld · 30/11/2024 15:02

If he’s holding this over you now ( have an abortion and I’ll leave you) then he’s not the person you thought he was.
The right response is to support your choice.

TheShellBeach · 30/11/2024 15:01

Hello.
You must make this decision yourself.
It doesn't matter what he wants. He sounds unpleasant and unsupportive.

If you'd like to have an abortion, go ahead with it. And then finish with him and block him.

You'll always resent him after this, no matter what choice you ultimately make.

Have you told your family? Would they support you if you decided to keep the baby?

Original poster
PinkExpert · 30/11/2024 14:58

OnMNwaytoomuch · 30/11/2024 14:56

How old are you both?

I’m 31 he’s 38. Yes we’re older I’m ashamed to even admit 😔

OP posts:
OnMNwaytoomuch · 30/11/2024 14:56

How old are you both?

PonyPatter44 · 30/11/2024 14:52

Your midwife is absolutely right. This is about what YOU want to do. If you don't feel ready to be a lone parent, then don't do it.

He dumped you when you told him you were pregnant. That isn't the behaviour of a responsible man. Do you want to be tied to him for 18 years+? I rarely recommend lying, but maybe take that pill, tell him you lost the baby (the details are not his business), and move on with your life.

Dotto · 30/11/2024 14:51

You can and should deliberately dump someone who says nasty things to you and doesn't seem to have a lot else going for him. He doesn't sound brilliant, in fact he sounds emotionally immature and abusive.

ExtraOnions · 30/11/2024 14:49

He thinks he has the right to decide what you do with your body, emotionally manipulate you to get his own way, say nasty thing to you, and leave you whenever it suits him.

…is this really who you want to be with for the rest you life ?

DisplayPurposesOnly · 30/11/2024 14:47

What do you want?

I'll be honest, it doesn't sound like a good lasting relationship. I think you should put to one side what your boyfriend wants and work out what you want. Long term it'll be you living with the consequences, very likely as a single person with or without a child.

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