Abortion , need some advice please :(

Agree with this.

@PinkExpert

You mention that you live at home with your parents and that some of your family don't even know that you have a boyfriend.

It does sound as though things would be exceptionally tough for you if you had a baby now.

You say that your family have never met your boyfriend. Would you have liked them to meet him or might it have caused more problems for you?

I’m sorry you’re in this position OP I can imagine it’s a really difficult one. If you really wanted this baby, then I’d say you can make it work, it won’t be easy, but you have 9 months to get sorted somewhere to live, some money saved, to work out how you can live together and make it doable. BUT if your gut feeling is that you don’t want this baby, at least not at this time in this situation, then don’t let his words force you into a life changing decision you can’t take back. I know right now losing him feels like the end of the world but the reality is you live 2 hours apart and only see each other sometimes twice a month, you’d get over that a lot quicker than you might expect, and you then have the time to find “the one” and start a family the way YOU are comfortable with.

Having a baby is a huge thing, life changing, and can be really difficult both physically and mentally even if you are married, living together and planned the pregnancy. Doing it essentially solo with a partner 2 hours away, not living together and trying to work these things out before baby arrives will make things so much more stressful. As I say, it’s doable if you really want this, but if you don’t then that is your choice to make and ONLY yours.

If you don't go to his flat or your family home as they know about him where are you meeting? If it's always hotels I would question if he has a partner.

Hard to understand why either of you was shocked since you were having sex without contraception which does inevitably result in pregnancy. He has children and knows how they’re made. But he doesn’t get a say now, it’s only your decision and I wouldn’t personally want to be tied to him by a child. He’s not a good prospect as a casual boyfriend never mind anything more serious.

Set aside your feelings about him and the relationship. This is about you and whether you want to have a child. You have no guarantee he’ll be a part of your life whatever you do. You don’t live with him, you only see him 2 or 3 times a month now.

What do you want?

You have two decisions to make OP.

1. Do you keep on seeing your boyfriend or not?
2. Do you carry on with the pregnancy or not?

For the first question, you have to consider if he is worth your effort. From your desciption of him, he clearly isn't. You barely have a relationship with him and you can"t blame it on the fact you live quite some distance from each other. Not meeting hardly any friends and relatives on both sides is a red flag to me. Plus, he doesn't value your opinions, giving you ultimatums instead. Also, if he has no home of his own and is being thrown out by his brother, that sets alarm bells ringing which you should listen to rather than accept excuses from him. You should cut your losses and end the 'relationship'. No man in your life is better than any man when that man treats you like this.

The second questionnis for you to decide on without input from or consideration of your boyfriend. Why weren't you using contraception? Was it your boyfriends decision or yours? Did you deep down want to be pregnant? What ever the answer is, you have to decide whether you can bring up a baby on your own or with the help of your family. Plenty of women go through this and although hard work things work out. But of course many can't or don't want to. It's your body and your choice. But whatever you decide, make the decision for you and only you. Whatever you decide you have to live with it. So its got to be right for you alone.

On some level at your age you must have known this a likely outcome if you weren't using contraception.
You say housing and stuff are solvable but he has a shithole of a flat and lived with his brother? You live with family too? It's not easy starting out, especially with a baby. Also, if you've seen him on average once a week for 18 months that's roughly 75 days. You don't know him, certainly not to the extent you can rely on him.
This is your decision but realistically I think you should be prepared for being a single parent if you choose to continue with the pregnancy.

“When I told him I was pregnant we was both shocked , and couldn’t believe it”

Why could you believe it?
Am I missing something?

I'd abort in your circumstances. One of the most important things you can do for your future children is choose a decent man to be their father. (Obviously if you choose to have no father or another mother that's ok! But choosing a useless father is a massive mistake)
He sounds nasty.

OP - holy shit this manchild is not for you. Nor anyone for that matter.

You do whatever you need to do & please involve a friend or family for support if you can.

If you want to be a mum then go for it but do it from the pov of crapman not being your partner - so by yourself.

If you're not ready for that then go with abortion feeling no shame & do THAT as a single woman too.

Eitherway you must get shot of the shitbag.

This is not a man who is going to stand by you through a pregnancy and the hard work of raising a child. Make your decision based solely on your own needs and life priorities.

If he already has kids to support will he have enough to support another?

Is he a superdad to those kids or will 99.9% of the parenting be on you? Where will you live, how will you afford that as a single parent?

I always say an unexpected pregnancy shows you who your partner really is. And so it seems here op. Decide what you want to do, not what he wants, bearing in mind the relationship is likely over either way.

Get rid of him, it won't get better.

Ultimately it's your choice regarding termination.

i think if you keep that far from guarantees a relationship with him laying for the next 18 years. If you want to abort now then do it, it may hasten the end of the relationship, but it has a long way to become a conventional relationship anyway.

Oh love, sack this guy off.

Either keep the baby and go alone or don’t, but either way get rid of him.

He has shown his true colours. As the quote says, when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

Unless you have plans to commit fully such as living together and trust that it would happen, I wouldn't want to go ahead with the baby, I have myself been in the situation, my ex really wanted the baby but not to live together, none of the serious stuff just his kid to visit at the weekend, I knew then that isn't what I wanted. However I did already have older kids not his and know how hard it is on your own. It's your life that will change dramatically if he doesn't step up.

Is he divorced?

Does he see his children regularly and support them financially?

Does he have a good relationship with their mother?

If he doesn’t agree with abortion then that’s fine, he doesn’t have to have one.

The bottom line is that whatever happens now this ‘relationship’ has changed.

The possibilities are that he steps up, sorts himself out, you move in together and have a wonderful life. This is unlikely but you know him and I don’t.

or he promises you all of this but buggers off either before the baby is born or shortly afterwards.

Or you go it alone. You know you and you know if you want this.

Or you have an abortion and get an actual boyfriend not a fuck buddy.

The bottom line is that you can get a new and better boyfriend. You can’t go back to a life without a child once you have one.

Have you ever been to his house? If not, does he have a wife and kids living in it?

Doesn't sound like the best circumstances to bring a baby up in to be honest..

You've said "I want to be stable first before having a baby", so it does sound as though now isn't the right time; to be honest, I'm not sure that it is with the right person, either.

Were you able to speak comfortably to your GP?

How many weeks are you?

This pretty much sums it up really.
You see him a couple of times a month for sex, he's currently homeless at 38.....not really father of the year material.
It's entirely up to you if you want to go ahead with the pregnancy but you need to do it with your eyes open with regards to this man.