Abortion , need some advice please :(

Ngl these guys are tingling my pro-choice spidey senses... Not in a good way

has said some nasty stuff to me

I’m worried what he’s gonna say to me during it (make me feel worse)

He ended our relationship 5 days ago but came back 3 days later? But I’m so worried if I take this pill he will leave me again?

Fucking hell OP I would be running to the abortion clinic.

He doesn’t seem like a nice man at all!

This is one of the biggest things to happen to you and you’re more concerned about his feelings, he’s been nasty to you and dumped you - can you not see how awful he is!

Get an abortion and tell him you had a miscarriage.
Then find someone who actually wants to be in a relationship with you and who is kind and supportive of you.

OP has been crystal clear that she absolutely wants a termination and that her only reason for not having done so already is her boyfriend's emotional blackmail of her. So your wording here feels very inappropriate to be honest.

Please don't use such emotionally manipulative language when OP has clearly stated that she wants to have an abortion.

You can keep your little one without staying with your boyfriend and have a wonderful life as a mum X

I recently had an unplanned pregnancy and after much confusion I made an appointment with this non bias charity called CHOICES. They gave me 2 x 1.5 hour counselling over zoom to help me explore my feelings. (it’s free btw). I could not recommend more

choicescharity.org

Hi OP, the same thing happened to me a few years ago during lockdown. My (ex) boyfriend was constantly threatening to break up with me, told me I'm a baby killer and a load of other horrid things. I aborted and we broke up, got back together a few months later but then whenever we'd argue, he'd throw the abortion in my face.

I'm glad I made the right decision for myself as I was not able to take care of a child at the time, we were in lockdown, I hardly had any money and I was going to start uni that year. I hope you're okay.

Why do you both live so far apart? Did you have a plan eg move in together before this happened?

You say both your parents have passed away and you don't see your siblings but still live at home, who are you actually living with?

You said you live with your family but then say your parents are dead and you have no siblings?

I would 100% terminate. I would also dump the bloke.

As my Nan used to say, "She's got shit in her eyes"

@PinkExpert

Obviously you can decide to do whatever you want with regard to the pregnancy.

But your plan to have an abortion, then find somewhere for both of you to live, then introduce this bloke to your family, then get pregnant again.......... sounds bonkers to me.

This is a man who has been thrown out of his brother's house, and is currently homeless.

He's 38 with two teenage children. Where does he have contact with them? What's his relationship with the children's mother like?
Does he support the children financially?

He sounds like a loser to me.
I'd get rid of him, pronto.

If you keep your baby, I reckon you'll be on your own.

Honestly OP raise your standards!! He lives in a crappy shithole of a flat, already had kids and has been nasty to you when you already feel vulnerable

find a better man to have children with

Is he financially stable? Are you?
Do you want to marry each other? Is he marriage material?
Do you want to risk becoming a single parent? Will he be able to pay child support?

It is your body at the end of the day. You need to ask yourself the difficult questions and come to a decision. Yes, he somewhat has a say in this but his behaviour in this matter isn't very reassuring.

You have to make the decision based on whether YOU want this baby and are prepared to bring it up alone. Having a child is forever and it will change your life irrevocably. Being solely responsible for your child is the biggest commitment you will ever make so you need to be really sure.

You say you can't bear to lose him but in all honesty, that could happen whether you have the baby or not. He doesn't exactly sound like a safe bet to me.

Whatever you decide, it has to be what you want. His wants and needs are secondary. Can you rely on family and friends for support?

And you were both 'shocked' that you got pregnant having unprotected sex, really?

Sounds like a good plan.. A friend years ago was in a similar situation {a mature student at university} - had a 'Miscarriage'.
Who could prove otherwise?

He is definitely allowed an opinion since he's 50% of the reason his happened but he's absolutely not allowed to bully you into anything.

I wouldn’t normally support lying in a relationship. But a strategic miscarriage is what’s required here.

ETA: I took from your OP that you think an abortion is the best outcome for you.

He sounds like a Waster, @PinkExpert .

If you want a child, choose a better grade of man.

Would you want to be tied to this man for the next 18 years?

He has ''teens'' already?

Are you close with your mother? Close friends you can trust? I really think you could do with confiding in someone who knows you well here.

Either way I think you need to think of this as if you were single. Any man who threatens to dump you, and shows other controlling behaviour, is not worth your time and energy. Make your decision based as if you were single. If he sticks around after that then fine.

Usually on these threads I make sure I let it known whilst I’m pro choice that abortion isn’t for everyone mentally.

i absolutely in your situation would terminate. not because of the housing situation or relationship distance etc but simply how entitled this man feels to your body.
He’ll either make you have a baby you aren’t ready for and leave you completely unsupported or worse you’ll see his true colours and you’re then stuck co-parenting with an absolute prick who’ll fuck your next 18 years up.
I get the feeling he’ll do the latter.

having a termination is sad but this isn’t a wanted or expected pregnancy.
You’ll have a much easier future without a man who thinks he’s a right to determine what happens to your body and he’s already started being nasty.

He’s a massive red flag. 38 couch surfing and all the rest. Chuck him back.
And imho end the pregnancy, cut all ties.

31 is young enough to meet someone who isn’t a massive tosser.

good luck and keep us updated and take all the counselling you can before you make your, and it is only your, choice. X