Abortion , need some advice please :(

Are you in a job that fits in with childcare options? You haven't been able to live independently upto now and the expense of a baby isn't going to make that easy. He isn't able to provide a suitable place to live. He isn't close enough to be of practical help. Single parenthood is tough. Things don't just work out, as a pp said, children get dragged up in poverty. There isn't the social housing that once took away some of the hardship. What is he actually offering you? It doesn't seem to be anything. Have you been on holiday etc together? Do you have nights out when he does show up?

You need to have a good hard think, I'm sorry you're in this situation. Way I see it:

1. he is in no situation to contribute. He's far away. His living situation isn't good. He doesn't seem to be in a position to move closer or likely to contribute financially. So you need to be prepared to go it alone.
2. do you want children? Remember an abortion as a procedure can result in future infertility. You could hit 40 and still be super fertile, you could try at 35 with next partner and find you can't conceive again. And let's face it, it would need to be next partner. This guy isn't going to get his shit together within a time frame that will result in the stable life you want.
3. an alternative point of view. I'm super pro-choice. You want to abort you do so. I thought the same before I had my first. But once I had my first, once I knew what that pregnancy could be, I knew the second they were born it would take extreme extreme situation, literally no other choice, for me to even consider aborting a future pregnancy. He has older kids - he knows what your pregnancy could become to him. But he is being selfish with that to you when really he's asking you to do everything.

Him not being pleased doesn’t have any bearing on whether their relationship was in a good place. They weren’t planning a baby and he actively didn’t want any more children. Not everybody thinks a pregnancy is a nice surprise.

Honestly. It does not sound like a very good or happy relationship. He should be pleased

Take your OH completely out of the equation and just think about yourself.

Do you want a child at this point?

You'll feel very sad mourning both your pregnancy and your relationship but you'll be in a much better position than tying yourself with a child to this man.

Allow yourself time to grieve both.

Living situation aside, it still doesn't sound like this is the sort of relationship you want to bring an innocent life into.

A grown adult 38 year old man broke up with you out of the blue over this. Raising a child is stressful, will this be his reaction to any pressure in future?

This isn't father of the year behaviour and regardless of your decision about the pregnancy, I would reconsider the relationship if I were you.

The ‘Choices’ charity linked is very definitely anti-choice.

@PinkExpert

Have you flushed away the medication you were given, OP?

I hope not.

Forgive me for asking, but are relationships a new thing for you? You come across as really quite young, although I think you have said you are in your early 30s. I'm wondering whether you come from a background which might have frowned on your having boyfriends etc.

Please allow yourself every possible option at this point. The choice will always be yours, but I can't help but feel that it would be better for you to wait before you start a family.

Next year could bring all kinds of new opportunities, such as the chance to have your own flat, meet new men and so on.

Plenty of time to reconsider having a family then.

They supported a friend who had a difficult choice to make after a scan. She ended up having an abortion. As far as I know they are non bias, but I’ve not used them myself.

@PinkExpert I would contact your midwife and ask if they can talk to you about your options or point you in the direction of a genuine organisation or professional that can. It might help for you to talk it over with someone who can talk you through things properly. Do you have any friends or family that you could confide in and get their real life support?

I only have 1 DC, he was very much planned, DH and I had been together 10 years prior to trying for him, we had a secure home and were financially secure. DS is the best thing that’s ever happened to my life. BUT, my god does it change your life in every single way. It has tested my health - both physically and mentally, it has really tested our relationship at times, and your whole life becomes about someone else.
Its not something that I would personally enter into with someone who wasn’t 100% committed.

I hope you manage to come to a decision soon ❤️

Yes to that counselling services- they are ' led by their Christian ethos' which makes me think it's a pro life organisation.

I wouldn't count on staying in a relationship with him either way, so you need to consider if you'd want to be a single mum and go from there. Maybe seek some counselling in real life.x

for everyone saying 38, living with family/not own home... not much of a catch
OP is 31, living with distant rather than immediate family that she 'tolerates'

their positions don't seem that far apart, other than that he has been (presumably) supporting children.

Don’t knowingly bring a baby into a life of poverty!

This also looks to me a great deal like an anti-choice organisation trying to mislead and bully women seeking abortion services.

She’s said she wants to terminate but is being bullied by her deadbeat boyfriend.

In situations like this you have to be selfish and think of yourself. What is best for you?

he doesn’t sound like relationship material. You have to distance yourself from him for a bit to think what’s best for YOU. Without his interference. He doesn’t get to tell you what you do with your body.

I can't get over the fact that two people in their 30s are 'shocked' about a pregnancy when they didn't use contraception. Intrigued as to the reason for this.

Slightly coercive - not ok.

Imagine yourself flushing the tablets down the drain. You’ve taken away your choice and the only option now is to carry on with the pregnancy.

How do you feel?

P.S. I know that unused medications go back to the pharmacist - but that doesn’t work for the purpose of the exercise!

You'll be fine. Lots of happy healthy babies start in less than ideal circumstances. The details will work out, just enjoy your baby.

@PinkExpert Sorry you’re in this situation OP 😓

You need to sit and think about your future. Imagine from this moment onwards you never see or hear from your “boyfriend” again. Are you able to physically, emotionally and financially raise a child yourself? And do you WANT to?
Realistically, your situation does not sound stable and be doesn’t sound like the best guy. He could block you tomorrow and you’d be alone. Is he working? Does he see and provide for his other children?