to say no more DC - occasional verbal abuse from DH

This is very much ramping up the abuse, you are now supposed to be worried about him committing suicide and pandering to his every whim and need and keeping yourself shut down.

Keep on keeping on make your plans to end it.

@climbelon I hope you called that friend last night. Been thinking of you and your little one all morning. Hope you’re ok. Time to bring in real practical help. Friends, even neighbours. I was really surprised who came out of the woodwork when I really needed help. Good luck

Op, I'm sorry this is all escalating. It sounds like it was a tough night. I' ma little confused about some of your posts but it sounds like he just wouldn' tleave you alone all night, then was minimising the issues, then playing the victim..... it's all sadly very textbook.

Here is the thing I think is important to remember because you will feel bad for him. He IS hurting, I believe that. But that doesn't change the fact that he' snot making any real efforts to liste to you. He keeps saying he wants to talk, but when you talk, he disisses what you say. He cries and says it's not so bad instead of thinking, "but does this bother HER?".

I once heard someone on tik tok say about her abusive, narcissistic ex that she realised that the problem was that he KNEW he was hurting her, he could see her crying and begging him to stop but he didn't CARE because he BELIEVED she was wrong. That's not a normal, healthy thing and I suspect is a big part of what's happening with you.

Good luck. Go back to the earlier pages - things may ramp up now.

Make sure you spell out to 101 that he threatened to harm himself and he threatened to take your son so that you would never see either of them again.

Tell them he said you have to give up breastfeeding so that he can take your son.

Spell out that you are terrified for your child.
Play nothing down.
He has been abusing you and you are terrified of what he might do.

Tell the officer you "want to make a statement".
That will let them know that you want this all on record.
Definitely contact Women's aid too for advice.

You have got this.

@climbelon you can get free legal advice from barristers and solicitors here: wwwrightsofwomen.org.uk

Well done, you are so strong!

Keep your baby with you, don’t let H take him anywhere else.
Don’t pay out your savings to remortgage. You will need them for your new life.

Grey rock now: don’t get into the argument, you know what he’s like.
And the Lundy Bancroft book. Definitely a necessary read.

Waking you/stopping you from being able to go to sleep repeatedly is awful, especially when it also disturbs your DS. Hope you're OK, OP.

Well done op. I know it’s hard.

The sheer volume of men who become abusive after a baby shows that it is a calculated considered decision.

I would speak to WA about an occupation order and a non mol. Start as you mean to go on. He wont stop being abusive once you split properly, he’ll be even worse. The fact he’s threatened suicide means you have to safeguard yourself and your baby.

What a relief to read a sensible post for once! The fact that you have made up your mind not to have another child with this man, due to his behaviour, and lack of follow through with regard to counselling, is a sign that you do have good boundaries OP. Please don't play the wait and see game though. There's only one direction his behaviour is likely to take, and that is to go downhill. You know what you need to do, both for yourself, and for the child that you already have, start making plans before things get worse, don't 'wait and see'.

You get stitched up on the house is what happens if you leave. Why do you think he’s gone through all the finances now!!!

Go and see a lawyer. He is going to keep badgering you until he finds an angle he can work on. It is not normal to behave like this at all

Everything has to be on his terms, doesn't it, even down to how you feel and for how long.

Don't let him take your baby. Too many cases of men killing their children and themselves so that the mum can't have them.

If for 99 days your husband was loving, caring, cooked dinner, bathed the baby and listened to your worries, would it be okay if on day 100 he raped you or punched you?

Outside of these incidents he's lovely.... think and then think again.

He is tryijf to shut you down. He had a good get out over the counselling because you told your friend. He made up that your maiden a threat about another baby. He said he doesn't want more. Will it be easier if you decide to leave him as you want more kids? Anything to get you out as he won't change.

I could have written the same original post as you - several years ago. My husband started getting snappy and grumpier after the birth of our child. They always have an excuse though don’t they….

It doesn’t get better. I decided not to have a second child, despite absolutely longing for one. It was the right decision. It wouldn’t have been right or fair on that child, or my existing child.

Things never change back. Once they’ve crossed that line of treating you like that, they don’t go back. It just gets easier for them, and more frequent.

Give your child a home life free from unpleasantness and remove an awful role model. It will impact them.

I think that you will make the mistake I made, and stay, believing (or just hoping) that things will change. They don’t. I’m sorry x

We have had a long chat tonight and (as has happened previously) in the course of a few hours I have gone from 'everything I thought I knew about him was wrong', seeing our relationship in a new light, to hope that things will be OK and improve.

I was EXACTLY the same. For three years. Manipulators can do this, you start out knowing your position is justified and reasonable, and end up apologising to them and then you ask yourself how you ended up back at square one AND in the wrong to boot.

Reader, it did not get better (sorry OP).

Good luck, OP. I think you're doing really well. I agree with a pp that he's probably a covert narcissist and they're so hard even to spot, never mind deal with. They target women with your (our) sort of family history because they think they can dominate without anyone even noticing they want to. Your boundaries have been better than you may have thought, but stay strong. PM if you need support but want to stay under the radar. x