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AIBU?

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Original poster

Fed up of feeling invisible? No one noticed my hair.

195 replies

worriert · 30/11/2024 12:15

Maybe more of a background of never feeling like I looked nice and being the only one in the group not complimented.

I had just below shoulder length silver blonde hair. I did a big change, went brunette and had extensions 20” extensions. Not one single person has said anything. I feel like I must be invisible and just ugly.

OP posts:
WigglyVonWaggly · 01/12/2024 08:47

I’d say it’s one of three things:

  1. they haven’t noticed. This is really unlikely as it’s a different colour and length / volume.
  2. they’ve noticed, like it and don’t want to compliment you.
  3. they’ve noticed it, dislike it and think it’s better to say nothing.

If it’s 2, are they competitive? Does it look lovely?
If it’s 3, is the style definitely one which suits and are the extensions done well?

Humphreyshead · 01/12/2024 08:29

worriert · 01/12/2024 01:42

I’m not ill and not one single person has asked if I’m having chemo.

My hair does not look like a wig as it’s not one.

I’ve gone back to my original colour, so no I don’t look terrible as people are claiming.

Show quote history

Who did you do it for?

AngelontopoftheTree · 01/12/2024 08:26

JudyBlumesBlubber · 01/12/2024 08:15

I’m not sure if you mean your family or friends?

If the latter, some groups have this weird hierarchy that doesn’t like anyone stepping outside their roles. If you’ve been “natural looking Janet” and have turned into “manicured Janet”, they can’t cope! Same with weight loss, clothes, jobs etc. This is why my friends have been more 1:1 than groups in recent years.

I’m sure it’s lovely!

OP hasn't said whether it's family or friends... or the milkman... or anyone else who may not even know her.

TorroFerney · 01/12/2024 08:24

fairycakes1234 · 30/11/2024 16:18

Sexist to comment you look nice??good god I've heard it all now, john on floor 2 told me I was looking well, I'm so offended, how dare he🤣 he'll be getting a call from HR soon....

Show quote history

Looking well? Oh we all know what hats code for on mumsnet! And yes I do not expect male colleagues to comment on my physical appearance at work. There is just no need for it.

JudyBlumesBlubber · 01/12/2024 08:15

I’m not sure if you mean your family or friends?

If the latter, some groups have this weird hierarchy that doesn’t like anyone stepping outside their roles. If you’ve been “natural looking Janet” and have turned into “manicured Janet”, they can’t cope! Same with weight loss, clothes, jobs etc. This is why my friends have been more 1:1 than groups in recent years.

I’m sure it’s lovely!

Scarydinosaurs · 01/12/2024 07:53

Perhaps they’re following the rule if “if you don’t have anything nice to say”.

betterangels · 01/12/2024 07:51

worriert · 01/12/2024 01:42

I’m not ill and not one single person has asked if I’m having chemo.

My hair does not look like a wig as it’s not one.

I’ve gone back to my original colour, so no I don’t look terrible as people are claiming.

Show quote history

Tbf people wouldn't randomly ask if you're having chemotherapy, would they? They'd say nothing, which was my point.

As long as you're happy with the new hair, that's the important thing.

OneOfLittleConsequence · 01/12/2024 07:46

I think if it was below the shoulders before, and is now longer that’s a change that isn’t so obvious to other people as it all just reads as long. I tend to go from waist length to shoulder length and then let it grow again. Surprisingly few people notice when I’ve had a chop.

Justleaveitblankthen · 01/12/2024 07:33

Calliopespa · 30/11/2024 12:44

It may not be they haven’t noticed you op. It’s possible they don’t really like it. 😕

I’ve had that reaction before when people have made a change I thought was terrible and it took all I could manage to stay level when greeting them and not look shocked. I could not have managed in that instant ( as frantically concealing my shock) to also say something complimentary that didn’t sound forced. So I just went for friendly obliviousness!

It might also be they noticed something different but couldn’t pinpoint it and didn’t like to admit it.

Unfortunately I also have experience of this.

I have often changed from natural blonde to Brunette/plum/pink/Henna etc
Without fail, most people would completely ignore it..
Until months later I went back to blonde and was told by everyone they had hated the change!

Calmhappyandhealthy · 01/12/2024 07:11

If absolutely NO ONE has said a single thing about such a drastic change, then I'm assuming it's because people don't like it

Hdkatznahtw125sgh · 01/12/2024 07:02

why are so you fixated on other peoples opinion of yourself? you sound to have very serious issues with self esteem and I suggest some counselling.

I’ve changed my hair colour multiple times but not for the validation of others. Doing things and measuring their success based on compliments of others isn’t good for your mental health.

CyranoDeBergerQuack · 01/12/2024 06:52

fairycakes1234 · 30/11/2024 13:49

Because normal people would usually notice and comment??

Show quote history

Sadly, a comment such as "wtf?" sometimes causes offence, so best to keep quiet

CyranoDeBergerQuack · 01/12/2024 06:50

thecherryfox · 30/11/2024 12:34

I bet you look beautiful OP! Sending love

20" hair extensions?

Ocsober · 01/12/2024 06:44

@worriert i wear a wig due to a medical condition. It’s real human hair and custom made for me - it doesn’t look like a wig, but of course it is.

I imagine getting extensions longer than your previous hair is confusing and definitely falls into ‘fake’ territory even if it don’t look it.

TootsyPants · 01/12/2024 05:45

I had my almost non existent eyebrows microbladed a few years ago. It was quite a drastic change but neither my husband nor my mum noticed.
My husbands boss did, he asked me what I had done as I looked different!

Stichintime · 01/12/2024 04:24

It sounds like a big change. I'm sure people noticed instantly, recovered themselves then carried on, business as usual.

XWKD · 01/12/2024 04:15

Why would other people comment on your hair?

Edingril · 01/12/2024 04:12

So you did your hair for other people? I don't care who notices what I do or not as I do things for me no one else

Maybe work on yourself and your self respect and not put your issues on to others

timetodecide2345 · 01/12/2024 04:05

I personally think that if you are of an age where you have silver grey hair then getting brunette extensions is not going to be an improvement so people have kept quiet rather than upset you.

TruthThatsHardAsSteel · 01/12/2024 03:40

bluebeck · 30/11/2024 13:05

Who exactly are you talking about? DH? Neighbour?

God this isn’t the poster with partial blindness who thinks she looks like Barbie is it?

Interesting.

neilyoungismyhero · 01/12/2024 03:23

I had a bit of a bob going for months/years. My relatively new colleagues had never seen any difference. I had it cut short and everyone of them said how different and great it looked as did my family. I think your people are weird.

FupaTrooper · 01/12/2024 03:13

I dont comment unless someone brings it up first... You never know whether someone is happy with something or even wants to talk about it.

Original poster
worriert · 01/12/2024 01:42

betterangels · 30/11/2024 13:02

With that drastic a change, I'd wonder if it was a wig because you were ill and losing your hair. I wouldn't have said anything.

I’m not ill and not one single person has asked if I’m having chemo.

My hair does not look like a wig as it’s not one.

I’ve gone back to my original colour, so no I don’t look terrible as people are claiming.

OP posts:
Dimpliy · 30/11/2024 22:16

BelgianBiscuit · 30/11/2024 12:22

Are you sure they recognized you? That's a drastic change.

Grin
Icanttakethisanymore · 30/11/2024 22:16

LondonFox · 30/11/2024 12:28

Pro tip:
Tell DH you are getting hair done.
Spam him with pictures.
put your appointment in his diary.
Text him on your way back how much you love/hate how it turned out.
Walk in and say a loud: "ta daaaa" pointing to your hair.

At this point it is reasonable to expect him to notice.
If all fails shave your head. Men do notice that.

😂😂😂