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AIBU?

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Original poster

For not wanting our friend couple to bring baby over to our house?

410 replies

Samatha09 · 30/11/2024 11:45

Hello dear people, my good friend (lets call her Ava) had her first baby for 11 months ago. A sweet baby girl. Me and my partner used to invite ava and her partner over for dinner and game nights, movie nights and vica versa (before baby). Now we have mostly gone at their home, my and my partner prefer that. Also they have everything the baby needs at their home, changing table, dining chair, toys ect. We also don’t have a childproof home. Decorations at floor and that. Since i know they let baby crawl around to explore.

Don’t want baby to ruin our stuff like get spit up or for the baby to eat or choke on something. I kinda feel like they getting disapointed on us, but she also implies that it won’t be easy to play board games or watch a movie with baby around. So this may sound very asshole like but me and my partner don’t see the point of inviting them over if its all gonna be centred about the baby. Also i said to my friend that we don’t always need to have dinner at her home whenever we come over. We don’t expect dinner tbh.We also bring with us some snacks and sodas over.

Also i think its easier for them than having to bring tons of stuff over for the baby

OP posts:
Nolegusta · 01/12/2024 00:59

Thegoatliesdownonbroadway · 30/11/2024 23:02

They are lovely at that age. So full of curiosity. My niece 12 month year old loves wheels. Anything with wheels on, he has to spin them.

Some folk don't find other people's babies particularly lovely though, and that's ok.

IdylicDay · 30/11/2024 23:53

You're acting like its a toddler running about, jumping on/off things, climbing, etc. It's only an 11 month old baby! If its crawling it would only be very, very slow so they can easily re-direct/pick up the baby. It would sleep most of the time anyway, and they could keep in the a baby capsule or strapped in a stroller. There is no need to even take the baby out of it. So yes you are being unreasonable, far easier at this stage when baby cannot crawl far and is not walking or running, than having the child over when it is actually mobile and can do damage.

itwilltakeaslongasittakes · 30/11/2024 23:44

This is why i love cultures which love babies. It’s so refreshing and heart-warming to see people go out of their way to welcome a lovely new human. They see them as a gift of life, not a burden.

sorry OP, time to move to new friends, these are not the friends you are looking for

Thegoatliesdownonbroadway · 30/11/2024 23:02

They are lovely at that age. So full of curiosity. My niece 12 month year old loves wheels. Anything with wheels on, he has to spin them.

GivingitToGod · 30/11/2024 22:46

GlovesScarfAndBoots · 30/11/2024 11:49

You don't sound very welcoming or considerate. I'd be prepared for this friendship to wane if you can't accept the changes that are necessary when children come along. It's fine if friends with children are not for you, but if you still want the friendship you're going to have to make some compromises.

SPOT ON

Brainauchocolat · 30/11/2024 22:34

really obsessed and in love with their baby. So afraid to come out as rude

You are rude, they're not in love with their baby. They have a baby which is a continual commitment every day. Nobody says you have to have a baby or take on that level of commitment. But it's not a lifestyle choice they can pick up and put down. Unlike having a pot plant that you can't be arsed to move even though you have literally nothing else making demands on your time.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 30/11/2024 21:26

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 30/11/2024 21:25

Ha ha - I was just thinking the same thing!

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It's not just about being a death trap, it's about not wanting some kid damaging things in your home

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 30/11/2024 21:25

theleafandnotthetree · 30/11/2024 17:20

I have no idea how the human race has survived as long as it has what with every home other than those baby proofed to within an inch of its life being an apparent death trap 🙄. It all sounds so over the top.

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Ha ha - I was just thinking the same thing!

IamMoodyBlue · 30/11/2024 20:58

Your decision is perfectly reasonable. It's your home. The one place you can really control. If you are not comfortable with the idea, (and why should you be?) stick to your guns. It doesn't matter that other people may respond differently.
Life isn't 1 size fits all!

sprigatito · 30/11/2024 20:49

I don't think it's for you to say that it's "easier for them" to do all the hosting because you don't want their child in your house. Own your choice and accept that it probably means the friendship will fizzle out.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 30/11/2024 20:45

SkunderlaiSkendi · 30/11/2024 14:11

I dont want other peoples kids in my house either.

I do not get why people think you are being unreasonable by expecting to control who comes in to your house or not

Possibly - just possibly - because friendship,is about give and take. And it is usual to reciprocate invitations and not for one person to be in the perpetual,role of host

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 30/11/2024 19:57

Looking around my living room I'd have to move all the ornaments off the fireplace, turn off the wax burner and find somewhere else for the extension lead in the corner on the floor with lots of plugs that little fingers could grab. I don't have anywhere else to put them other than on the bed so I'd then have to move everything back and tidy up when they left. I would definitely find it a pain to rearrange my living room for a couple of hours!

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 30/11/2024 19:49

WifeOfMacbeth · 30/11/2024 12:39

At 11 months the baby is unlikely to be walking confidently/climbing. At the most crawling with reasonable speed and perhaps trying to pull themself up. So relatively easy for parents to supervise.

Getting the cyanide capsules and razor blades off the floor should be sufficient childproofing.

Don't forget all those small batteries down the sofa cushions!

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 30/11/2024 19:47

HolyPeaches · 30/11/2024 12:38

I really don’t think you have much experience with babies 😂

If they are good friends they won’t allow their 11 month old to crawl/run riot round your home.

Just be honest and say “no, I don’t want your little shit in my home putting things in their mouth”. Though don’t expect them to invite you round to their home going forwards.

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love this post

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 30/11/2024 19:41

Samatha09 · 30/11/2024 12:30

@ChanelBoucle i loved to ask but afraid they take offence if we ask without baby since they really obsessed and in love with their baby. So afraid to come out as rude

That ship has sailed. You've been continuously rude by not inviting them to yours. Not too late to retrieve the friendship, and, you know, speak to them. Or just write off the friendship because they have a baby and you're drifting away anyway

Dimpliy · 30/11/2024 18:48

Ruggsey · 30/11/2024 16:41

So fxxking rude.

Are you the mumsnet police?

No? .......then stop posting who can and cannot post on MN.

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Agreed

Deeperthantheocean · 30/11/2024 18:47

Babies usually sleep a lot so shouldn't be a case of constant crawling around. Evening time so set up a cot for her to use. It will mean some time apart but got to work around it. Dynamics have changed, you can still have a nice evening together ❤️

Dimpliy · 30/11/2024 18:46

Samatha09 · 30/11/2024 12:32

@courtcox omg you, dont need to be an asshole youself by insulting

Edited

😂

OP, you have just as much right to be on MN, in fact, you have more of a right to be here than @courtcox .

I think it would be nice to have your friends overs Invite them for lunch and see how they manage their baby. If they don’t stop her getting into things then you don’t have to invite them again.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 30/11/2024 18:40

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

No worries, I thought I was going mad!

ginasevern · 30/11/2024 18:39

Friendship dynamics change throughout the normal course of a lifetime. They shift when you have a baby and your friends don't. They shift when you marry but your friends are still single. Your goals, needs and social circle changes at each life event, including marriage, divorce or widowhood. Trying to maintain your former social life rarely works because you are in a very different place. In any event, nothing in life stays static.

courtcox · 30/11/2024 18:37

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Nolegusta · 30/11/2024 18:34

ChillysWaterBottle · 30/11/2024 18:30

I read so many threads on here that make me so grateful I have decent normal friends.

I'm not sure why OP has posted. It's not to reflect on her opinion. The first year can be tough. I hope your parent friends have other, better people in their lives.

Aee your replies always passive aggressive?

ChillysWaterBottle · 30/11/2024 18:30

I read so many threads on here that make me so grateful I have decent normal friends.

I'm not sure why OP has posted. It's not to reflect on her opinion. The first year can be tough. I hope your parent friends have other, better people in their lives.

courtcox · 30/11/2024 18:28

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PinkSparklyPussyCat · 30/11/2024 18:22

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The PP clearly said 'You could get a playpen to put the baby in with a few toys' suggesting the OP could pay for it. She was asked why the OP should have to pay and said the baby would brung toys with it and it would cost 'peanuts' for the playpen.

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