For not wanting our friend couple to bring baby over to our house?

Cos she's childfree and has the temerity to not want a child wrecking her home or getting hurt in the process of wrecking her home.

But good to see that famous empathy that only parents can have in action 🙄

Absolutely this, it's just not ok.

Tolerance and acceptance works both ways in a friendship. When some of my friends didn't have kids, I accepted their homes were not safe places for me to take DC when they were little. We met at other places, or they came over to mine. DS2 in particular was a live wire, he has ADHD. I would never have risked it.

The same applies now. If my friend with a baby demanded I baby proof beyond basic tidying and putting stuff away or their kid damaged any of my family's things and thought that was cute or funny, that would be completely unacceptable.

It might be a bit stuffy to be so concerned about your things that you won't allow anyone to bring your children ever, but it's also beyond selfish and entitled to think you should be allowed to go anywhere and let your kids run amok and damage things because "kids being kids". I see this in so many places, and can only conclude that there's an overcorrection that's happened in response to the old ways of children being seen and not heard. A lot of parents seem very determined that their children WILL be seen and heard at all costs - including when this tramples over the needs of others.

'I can’t believe how people commenting in this post think its okay for their kid to ruin other peoples stuff. Why should childfree people have to acommodate when they don’t have small children?'

Childfree here too, and I couldn't agree more. The level of sneering and nastiness about OP being a 'shit friend' and being 'precious' about her home is so unpleasant, but a great illustration of how entitled some parents are

This reminds me of my Dad's tale of taking me to a friend's house when I was a baby. It was in the days of Terry Towelling nappies and for some odd reason my parents decided my arse needed airing at the friend's house. I laid a log on their cream carpet. Apparently, the friendship dwindled somewhat after that...

Totally agree.

I value friends who respect my home and DON'T expect to alter or damage it as a test of our relationship.

People who choose to have children need to accept the lifestyle changes that accompany parenthood. Not expect everyone else to adapt.

I still don't understand your point.

OP is happy to socialise with her friend.

Just not in her house.

Her house isn't baby proofed.

Her friends is.

OP is suggesting they meet at their friends house instead.

Where is it baby proofed.

Why the big drama?

They come over for an adult free time? I think you might be a bit confused there Op?

The OP is not happy to socialise in their home with her friends because they have a small child. She obviously can do as she wants but it has nothing to do with the kind of friendship I'm talking about.

I still don't see the relevance.

OP has said she's still happy to socialise with her friends in their home, just not in hers. In no way is she preventing her friend from having a social life as your post suggests.

LittleBearPad, AHH but they don't want to !

The pub was simply an anecdote. When I said including children in our friendships, I was talking about our homes, foremost.

OP is talking about her own home.

Your pub example, whilst true, isn't really relevant.

OP, maybe because I'm a Spaniard, I don't really connect with your post.

Children are a part of society and friendships adapt to them. Yes, we know things are different from the time we were childless but that's the beauty of friendships, we include our children even knowing they are the centre of attention and change the dynamics.

The only way for parents with small children to have a social life is to be able to include them in the social fabric of friendships, and take them everywhere with them. I've seen parents pushing a stroller in a local pub in Madrid at 11pm to have a chat and play a game of darts with friends. No one bat an eyelid.

Friendships grow deeper when circumstances change and we accept the little ones are part of the friendship. Societies are better when we include parents and children in the way we relate to each other.

Everyone can become insular but it's making a more lonely and disconnected society for all of us.

This thread is really so alien to me.

I can't believe there are people who value their friendships on the extent to which their children are allowed to damage their friends homes (which is basically what some of you are saying), or least the extent to which your friends should accept it.

As for the poster whose child spilt milk over your friends cream sofa. I really hope you offered to pay the dry cleaning bill 🫣

I hope you are paying the dry cleaning bill.

We're attentive parents but in a split second my son put something in his mouth that caused him to choke. We ended up in A&E because we had no idea if what he swallowed was harmful.

Agree.

I think so long as you don't explicitly say 'you're not welcome at our's now you have a baby' YANBU. We don't have kids and haven't really had relative's friend's babies/toddlers over to our house because we've found the parents preferred to meet somewhere family friendly or socialise at their house.

Sure.
🫣

You can do whatever you like, but you're a shit friend.

Did you mean this to sound patronising, because it does?
Do you think accidents don't ever happen in the presence attentive parents/adults who also play with their children?

I'm so glad my friends are true friends because other than 1 couple they are mostly no children also and not once have we ever felt we couldn't take our now 3 toddlers. Yes they put there ornaments up high while we are there but other than that all is as it was before the little ones other than they now get in food little people eat aswell tho it's not expected..a true friend won't stop being a good friend once babies come along, they will mop the mess and move things they defo don't want accidentally broken and not make parents feel bad about it either. We are teaching ours to not touch tv etc which has gone ok. Went to a friend's for lunch last Tuesday and unfortunately one of our twins tipped her milk by accident onto the cream sofa.
My friend just laughed,whipped off the sofa covers and said she would drop them in drycleaner on her way to work next day. I feel sorry for your friends with a baby they will know you don't want them there

Like what? I’ve had loads of babies at mine, all good. Even with lego everywhere. You just keep a hawk eye on them, like you would normally. Even better, you can play with them