For not wanting our friend couple to bring baby over to our house?

But that is effectively what she's saying and has signalled it to her friend loud and clear!

presumably the mum's needs are being met 24/7 by the very existence of her child

bwahahaha

Some children do break things or damage things, despite being adequately supervised. A watched child could still be sick on something or accidentally bump something.

We will agree to disagree on this one. It is possible to keep a close enough eye on a small child in a 2-3 hour window so they don't break anything.There were breakable things in our house too! DC didn't break anything of significance in toddler and preschool years.

I should move the things off the floor and the bottom shelves "if they're that important".

They said that? Ugh. Some of these stories and some of the posters here make me embarrassed to be a parent.

@BettyBardMacDonald The sage green velvet upholstery sounds gorgeous!

@BigManLittleDignity I think you’re right, perhaps her inflexibility just wasn’t so obvious pre-kids, she was so much fun.

I do like cake too, so dry cake is terribly disappointing! 😉 I hear there is a soft play that sells alcohol so I shall have to drag a friend and small person along to check it out. For research purposes, of course.

On a more serious note, I don’t think having children automatically makes people inflexible. I think it’s a personality trait. I have friends with children who are super easy going and some who are wound up tightly but they were always like this. Oh and of course, friends without children who are also the same way.

I would never shun a friend and I’m sorry that happened to you. I have a couple of friends who I don’t see for months on end because their children are little and they work full time but when we do see each other, it’s great. Friendships are worth the wait and worth the effort. We spent more time together pre children and I am sure we will when life is less hectic.

That’s ridiculous of your friends. Such entitled behaviour. I would be mortified if my kids broke anything at someone’s house. I would offer to pay or replace immediately. But I would be pretty embarrassed and apologetic. What’s wrong with some parents??

Goodness OP, you should not have to have kids over if you don’t want! My kids are at university now, but I would only take my babies over to somebody without same-age children, if they really wanted me to go there. I completely would understand that they might not want crawling babies or toddlers in their house. And it would be difficult for me to keep an eye on them and I would be worried about damage. Don’t feel pressured!

The only reason for inviting them over is that something might go wrong, and neither of you will want to repeat the experience.😏

I’ve spent a lot of time eating dry overpriced cake in soft play given I am unable to have my own children! 🤣 That does sound grim!

@BigManLittleDignity You sound like a lovely friend and I do understand what you’re saying. One of my friends with children is incredibly inflexible and even another parent like me gets frustrated with her unwillingness to compromise. Some of her friends (also parents) have dropped her because of this.

On the other side of this, we have some old friends who shunned us when our children were younger (wouldn’t even meet up when we had babysitters) but seem interested again now our kids are older teens. I cba to revive the friendship tbh.

Real friendships are about understanding and compromise on both sides and if ppl don’t want to do this, the friendship will drift.

But that’s what I’m saying. Many people are able to empathise with situations they know nothing about. I’ve supported friends and been there for them through various situations and events that I’ve never experienced and maybe never will. I have a much more intense job than most of my friends and I am very grateful that they understand I may need to cancel an evening if I’m stuck working late doing court paperwork that’s due 9 am the next day. Likewise, if a child is unwell and they had to cancel, I’d wish the child better and hope it’s nothing serious.

I think a lot of people on here (both parents and non parents) are open about their selfishness and inability to flex for others which is why it’s so alien for them. I’ve spent a lot of time eating dry overpriced cake in soft play given I am unable to have my own children! I do it because I care about my friends and their children are an extension of them, so of course I care about them too. I show interest in Sue’s work project, Daisy’s 1 line in the school play, Claire’s new boyfriend because that’s what friends do.

I don’t think I’m pretty unusual. In my circles, we do a huge amount of give and take. Some people on here are so insular.

@Jc2001 I agree, it makes the most sense.

As their meetups typically involve having dinner together, I think it would be polite if they bring dinner over sometimes, rather than expecting it to be provided for them every visit. Or at least offer this.

Thank you! It's been many years in the making; nearly everything in this tiny cottage is second (or third or fourth) hand, hardly anything ever bought new.

The reupholstering was my major splurge but the settee and chair (both vaguely Victorian with the carved wood frames) have great sentimental value. All my now-departed relatives have sat upon them over the decades and they were the centerpiece of many gatherings.

I was thinking exactly the same! ☺️

Small diversion to remark on how lovely your décor sounds, @BettyBardMacDonald!

What's wrong with just going over their house? That IS the compromise. The other couple need to accept that not everyone's house is modelled around young children, so they need to compromise too.

This.

Exactly.

Move them to where? Most of us in small homes don't have extra storage rooms standing empty. My four-foot tall antique blown glass vase isn't something i can just toss into the garden, nor is my grandmother's 75-year-old settee and chair i just spent £2,000 having reupholstered in sage green velvet. Or the silk draperies I sewed myself. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

My furnishings are too expensive and delicate to risk grubby hands, vomit, spilled milk and shit all over them.

'I hate this idea that non parents cannot be on board with the fact that parenting is huge and life changing and that friendships will change.'

Same here! As you say, we're not aliens. I think some people go into parenthood with NO CLUE what to expect, and they think that all childfree people are as clueless as they were

'The parents will know what to watch out for and will be responsible for the baby.'

Ha! Not in all cases. Either way, she doesn't want drool on her carpets etc so would prefer to meet up with them elsewhere

Don’t be daft @BettyBardMacDonald . Do you think that your parents’ needs were met 24/7 by having you?

@BigManLittleDignity I wasn’t suggesting at all that childfree adults “ don’t get” the responsibility of parenting. I was just sharing how enormous that responsibility is.

It’s like getting a new, very intense job when you were previously in a more relaxed position. Your friends might be frustrated that you can no longer go out for happy hour and you have to work weekends, but that’s what the new job entails. I suppose they might drop you as you’re no longer so available, that’s their choice. But it doesn’t change your situation and responsibilities.

"Just move things" - and there you go, @Anywherebuthere. Just completely change the layout of your home, which you've created for your enjoyment as an adult.

No.

I look forward to another thread in a couple of years about how your friends have had two babies in a row, and now you don't speak at all 😉