For not wanting our friend couple to bring baby over to our house?

Suggest you end friendship really. Staying friends with people over the years requires a bit of give and take and, in this instance, that's clearly not something you're willing to do. You are framing it as concern for the baby's safety - because that seems more acceptable - but this is not really what comes over as your underlying motivation.

Stand your ground OP. Babies change things. I know, I’ve had 2. I was always much happier hosting at home when I had small ones and it was during their waking hours (I hated being on edge about a baby damaging someone else’s house) However, I would be disappointed as a friend if you didn’t invite me over in the evening sometimes if I was able to get a babysitter. It’s nice to have a change of scenery and not always having to be the ones tidying up.

I agree with @Brainauchocolat why on earth havent you spoken to them about it and just asked them? If they're such great friends surely its worth a conversation rather than asking strangers?

It doesnt have to be a big deal unless you make it one. Your post comes across as really quite sneery

I’ve just had a baby so was the child free person with the non child friendly home for a long time. I didn’t love it but I cared about my friends and we easily got round it. Plus their baby would be asleep by 7 anyway!

You either accept it or lose the friendship.

When we had a baby, people always came to ours. We could do bath and bedtime and enjoy childfree time in the evenings. It’s a real pain to go to someone else’s house with a baby, more because of all the stuff, naps, etc.

I think realistically the dynamics have changed. You’re no longer two childfree couples who can easily do dinner and game nights. Why not plan things for the day? Meet for a walk? Meet for coffee or lunch out? You and female friend can meet up while dad stays at home with baby or the guys meet up just them.

Wtf is a "police mum"?

🤣 My youngest says Challenge accepted.

Think it depends on your friend. Is she sad not to be invited over as she would like to get out, with the baby? Or does she in fact prefer it at her house? I think you should have a conversation with her and say "Hey, we want to see you! We don't want to put you out by expecting you to cook for us coming to yours. But also we don't want baby to eat stuff off our floor because we're not very child proof. What's the best option for you- come to ours and be on baby focus all the time, or we come to you, and we can bring a home cooked dinner? Also, are you upset we havent been asking you over? I get the vibe we aren't doing the right thing for you. Tell me what you need at this stage of your life, because we haven't known what to do for the best."

That would be easy to bottom out.

The problem is, your post is all full of resentment- you want "your go" at having social occasions,the way you want them, at your house, without having to make any baby accommodations. The way you snidely say "they were very keen on everyone coming to theirs the first few months" as though you're all dancing to their tune. Which is such rubbish, as anyone who has a newborn knows.

Look - whether you choose to not have kids or can't have them, the fact remains if a person has no significant caring responsibilities beyond themselves, the amount of leisure time, and fun time, and discretionary time they have is infinitely more than someone who has kids. That's just the truth of it. And it's why child free people whinging about accommodating children always sounds so petty and selfish. You have simply no conception of how much free time you have in real terms. So why is sorting your house "For 2-3 hours" such a big fat deal?

I also think guests come, and they should be welcomed if you want them to come. I think you should be pleased to tidy up your house for your friend. Move a few bits, put some towels and a bin on the bathroom floor for a changing space, maybe push the boat our and buy a packet of wet wipes. You've probably got a bedroom or spare room the precious ornaments could go in.

Can you not see it as showing how you love your friend and want her to be welcome? If someone was staying over, you wouldn't huff and puff and roll your eyes at putting flowers and clean towels in the guest bedroom or changing the sheets to the nice matching ones. You'd do it, in a happy glow of feeling like a lovely host. Why can't you change your house to accommodate one baby, for one day?

Surely at 11m the baby goes to bed of an evening and then the time is baby free?

You dont have to invite them over but bear in mind that most people would get a bit fed up of constantly hosting someone else without any return invites.

I wouldnt mind if it was say, 70/30 but if you never, ever invited me over in return I'd get a bit pissed off with constantly having to host. Friendship is about reciprocity so carry on, but dont be surprised if you get less and less invites over time.

I don’t think you’re unreasonable and I have three children. I liked people coming over to me as I knew my house was set up for it, also, why would you want to have to watch a child when you’re socialising, that’s not fun. Why is your mate so keen to come to you do you think? Is it so they can leave when they want?

@Nolegusta only in response to hyperbole. I have hosted many babies, and had my own. I've never had a single incident that has damaged or broken a household item.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, your house isn’t child proofed, it makes sense for you to go to them, surely the baby will need to be put to bed if it’s on an evening too? Obviously if they can get a babysitter you’d be happy to host but otherwise either you go to them or meet on neutral ground, a restaurant or whatever.

I completely get your anxiety of having a child toddling around your house, pulling up on vases and potentially damaging your things to hurting herself!

I mean, in the league of things one might ask of a friend, this ranks pretty low. I suppose it boils down to, what lengths are you prepared to go to for your friends? You won't even inconvenience yourself this much? They're not babies forever, it might only be a handful of visits.

Your choice but you sound selfish and that's not likely to leave you with many friends in the long term.

How many button batteries do you have scattered across the floor on a regular basis

if they're visiting for an evening, wouldn't they bring a travel cot & the baby be in it much of the time?
if it is always you visiting them, are they bearing all the cost, or are you contributing equally?

It makes sense more often than not to go to theirs of course but I think it’s precious and unreasonable to insist that they never bring their baby.

I would be fucked off if I had a small baby and someone adopted this position as a blanket policy.

If you want your friendship to survive you will have to unclench a bit. The baby won’t be small for long and if you suck it up for a bit it will pay dividends for your friendship long term.

Yeah this. It's fine to not invite them over but be prepared that your friendship with them will change. Thats just life- adapting to changes and phases of life.

Baby proofing means watching the baby and moving anything she looks like she’s going to grab and break.

There are four of you - it’s really not very hard to keep an eye on a one year old.

Sounds perfectly reasonable to have movie night / games night at their house where they have everything their baby needs. Adult games can happen after baby goes to bed, like plenty of other groups of friends manage to do.
Child free households (and now those with older kids) were the ones who travelled to visit friends with little ones in ours. Child free (baby free) households shouldn't need to change anything for other people's children in their home, it's up to their parents to parent them and make sure they don't break or swallow things or get into danger.