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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For not wanting our friend couple to bring baby over to our house?

410 replies

Samatha09 · 30/11/2024 11:45

Hello dear people, my good friend (lets call her Ava) had her first baby for 11 months ago. A sweet baby girl. Me and my partner used to invite ava and her partner over for dinner and game nights, movie nights and vica versa (before baby). Now we have mostly gone at their home, my and my partner prefer that. Also they have everything the baby needs at their home, changing table, dining chair, toys ect. We also don’t have a childproof home. Decorations at floor and that. Since i know they let baby crawl around to explore.

Don’t want baby to ruin our stuff like get spit up or for the baby to eat or choke on something. I kinda feel like they getting disapointed on us, but she also implies that it won’t be easy to play board games or watch a movie with baby around. So this may sound very asshole like but me and my partner don’t see the point of inviting them over if its all gonna be centred about the baby. Also i said to my friend that we don’t always need to have dinner at her home whenever we come over. We don’t expect dinner tbh.We also bring with us some snacks and sodas over.

Also i think its easier for them than having to bring tons of stuff over for the baby

OP posts:
courtcox · 30/11/2024 12:44

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GinForBreakfast · 30/11/2024 12:43

@5iveleafclovers your definition of "devastation" must be different to mine. I imagine broken windows, small fires or floods, structural damage when I hear that word. If you think an 11 month old baby capable of devastation then I have a bridge I'd like to sell you.

Drool on a scatter cushion is not, IMHO, "devastation"

Nohugspleaseandthankyou · 30/11/2024 12:43

I think part of being friends is adapting to each others different life stages and that does involve giving as well as taking.
On the other hand you have the right tp whatever boundaries you want to draw but they also have the right to theirs and to feel however they do about yours. So mat impact the friendship and that also wouldn't be unreasonable on their part.

Merrymess · 30/11/2024 12:43

This sounds like it's written by a chat bot.

21ZIGGY · 30/11/2024 12:42

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Oh yeh. I forgot to think about it

Maybe dont gatekeep a website

Grmumpy · 30/11/2024 12:40

Well the baby should be asleep for the evening so no problem.or they could get a baby sitter.

HooMoo · 30/11/2024 12:39

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 30/11/2024 11:51

So you have never had them back to yours since they had the baby?
Surely they can bring a playpen if you cba to clear floor level dangerous objects, but you are a pretty crap friend.

I think I agree with this tbh. We’ve got an 11 month old and haven’t baby proofed that much yet cuz she’s easy enough to keep an eye on. If we need to pop somewhere we put her in her play pen for a few minutes.

WifeOfMacbeth · 30/11/2024 12:39

At 11 months the baby is unlikely to be walking confidently/climbing. At the most crawling with reasonable speed and perhaps trying to pull themself up. So relatively easy for parents to supervise.

Getting the cyanide capsules and razor blades off the floor should be sufficient childproofing.

daliesque · 30/11/2024 12:39

Or, the OP could you know,....talk to her good friends rather than guessing. Crazy idea, I know.

I totally agree. I was just talking about on here - in real life the matter would be sorted in a couple of minutes without the insults the OP is getting on here 🤷‍♀️

5iveleafclovers · 30/11/2024 12:39

GinForBreakfast · 30/11/2024 11:48

They have a baby now. If you want to stay friends with them you'll have to adapt. Seems reasonable. It's not like they're asking you to join them at baby rhyme time or tumble tots.

How much devastation can an 11 month old really create in your precious home?

Of course an 11 month old baby can cause 'devastation'. Why do you think people 'baby proof' their houses? People who don't have children don't tend to take these measures so it will be more dangerous for baby.

HolyPeaches · 30/11/2024 12:38

Samatha09 · 30/11/2024 12:35

@HolyPeaches some babies/toddlers crawl around and explore like a tasmanian devil. They are pretty quick to!

I really don’t think you have much experience with babies 😂

If they are good friends they won’t allow their 11 month old to crawl/run riot round your home.

Just be honest and say “no, I don’t want your little shit in my home putting things in their mouth”. Though don’t expect them to invite you round to their home going forwards.

Delatron · 30/11/2024 12:38

They should just get a babysitter. It’s not a particularly relaxing evening with the baby around and surely the baby should be asleep anyway - so may get fussy.

Gogogo12345 · 30/11/2024 12:36

LittleBearPad · 30/11/2024 12:05

Baby proofing means watching the baby and moving anything she looks like she’s going to grab and break.

There are four of you - it’s really not very hard to keep an eye on a one year old.

Of which 2 of them have no responsibility for the baby and don't really want to spend their social time keeping an eye on it unsurprisingly

Samatha09 · 30/11/2024 12:35

@HolyPeaches some babies/toddlers crawl around and explore like a tasmanian devil. They are pretty quick to!

OP posts:
kaos2 · 30/11/2024 12:34

I have two children and don't want to spend adult time with children .. it's fine not go but she probably won't stay friends .

courtcox · 30/11/2024 12:33

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HolyPeaches · 30/11/2024 12:33

It’s a baby not a Tasmanian devil ….

LondonFox · 30/11/2024 12:33

Samatha09 · 30/11/2024 11:51

@GlovesScarfAndBoots i don’t really want to childproof my home fpr 2-3 hours.

@GinForBreakfast idk but we have breakable stuff that a baby would find interesting

If she is a dear friend you can get a play pen on gumtree and put baby inside while they are over.
I have very small circle of close friends and we all accomodate others needs.

Samatha09 · 30/11/2024 12:32

@courtcox omg you, dont need to be an asshole youself by insulting

OP posts:
courtcox · 30/11/2024 12:32

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TheBirdintheCave · 30/11/2024 12:32

*are

Aberentian · 30/11/2024 12:31

@LoobyDoop2 she has as much right to be here, and other posters have every right to find it weird.

OP I think if you want to keep these friends you might need to accept that they have a child and occasionally, not always, host the child. Or find childless friends.

courtcox · 30/11/2024 12:31

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courtcox · 30/11/2024 12:31

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TheBirdintheCave · 30/11/2024 12:30

Can you not play in the evening? We bring our son, have dinner and then put him to bed somewhere in his travel cot/blow up bed.

We were then free to play board games etc for a few hours before heading home.