For not wanting our friend couple to bring baby over to our house?

So they feed you every time? This is probably why they want to come over. Hosting is a lot of work no matter how many snacks you bring as a guest.

Say you will bring the food / buy a takeaway to be delivered to their house.

I think you are being overly precious about how much damage a one year old can do to your home but that is your choice. Make the hosting for them easier.

From the OP...I think you are using the term 'friend' loosely.

I understand.

We have friends with kids the same age as ours (10 and 8). When we get together, the kids play really well and the adults have dinner and a few drinks. Neither of us has much in the way of childcare so it was a really lovely way of getting a little night out and we take it turn about to host the other.

Then nearly a year ago they had another baby (“happy accident”). He is a lovely little thing but to be honest it has totally changed the dynamic of everything. Now my friend is (naturally) back to talking about feeding, sleep, nappies etc and it’s just not where I’m at just now. The older kids still play well but now our adult chat is dominated, understandably, by the baby.

But. She has been a great friend to me over the years. So I am adapting and I’m engaging and being a person for her because I suspect it’s quite a lonely place to be, with a new baby when all your pals kids are older. But it’s quite boring sometimes, truth be told.

You sound nice.

No I get where you’re coming from.

Maybe have them over for a coffee in the daytime for an hour, so they feel reciprocated? It is a bit rubbish always being the one to clean the loo ready for guests.

A baby the same age comes to mine and it’s not too bad. I just have pick up the cat food 😂

If it's an evening event surely the baby will be asleep? Hence would be simpler to go over to their house.

Otherwise you'll have an over-stimulated toddler to handle.

Or they pay for childcare.

@5iveleafclovers quoting you directly:

Of course an 11 month old baby can cause 'devastation'

The word devastation came from another poster not me. Although losing a finger in a door would be classed as devastating in my opinion. This happened to a child I know.

Friendships do evolve once people start having kids. If you have kids you soon become blind to the chaos and destruction 😂

Seriously, though, just ask if there's anything they need to feel welcome, if they're visiting, e.g. "feel free to bring high chair" etc.

All you need do is a basic safety check for anything obvious, e.g. things that might tip over. They will supervise their child.

This said, they might also be assessing your suitability for babysitting duties 😯😂... you never know, you might enjoy it.

If no adult was watching a 2 year old ... suck it up.

Plus - it may have been even more upsetting (for the parents) if the toddler had drowned!!

So this may sound very asshole like but me and my partner don’t see the point of inviting them over if its all gonna be centred about the baby

Yep - you sound like an asshole.

Lots of people don't want babies and young kids at their house. I once had my bathroom flooded by a 2 year old playing with the taps. Offer to meet at the friends house. It'll be easier for them, more comfortable for the baby and you can leave when you've had enough without worrying about the mess..

Yeah I know, that's basically why I said people baby proof their houses.

@5iveleafclovers erm, no, I made the opposite point...

I think you are being unreasonable but only if you’re interested in keeping this friendship. Their baby is the centre of their world right now, it won’t be forever.

If you’re not bothered about keeping the friendship though, carry on!

It was YOU who said devastation, I only quoted YOU. 😂😂😂

😂

YANBU, I mean if baby is up and crawling about, how much are you going to be playing board games and watching movies anyway? Realistically you are not - you will be constantly interrupted whilst you also “keep an eye on the baby”.
That’s not fun, just stressful.

I am like this with my dog! When we go to my BILs house, they have lots of stuff stored on the floor/behind sofa and dog just loves to get into it and starts chewing things he shouldn’t. I’m forever watching him to make sure he a) doesn’t kill himself or b) wreck the place.

And really why should you be the one to baby proof your house and be stressed - they are the ones who had the baby, so they are the ones that need to adapt their life.

I also think that it would be better if you go to theirs, as everything is set up for their LO and babies need routine and preferably their own bed.

Once baby is in bed you can all relax and joy socialising as you once did.

I remember one time when my DD was about 2/3 and we got invited to friends for a BBQ. She had a roasting hot BBQ in the middle of the small garden with lots of lit candles all around. I spent the whole evening following my DD round the garden to make sure she didn’t get burnt- it was not fun!

Non-child friends don’t always appreciate the dangers or know what your baby/child is capable of, so you can’t put the burden of safety on them.

Nope, It's a bit shit really.

Not a very good one though