For not wanting our friend couple to bring baby over to our house?

It really isn’t correct. My home and free time are no less important than that of someone with kids. Thankfully my friends realised it didn’t make sense for us to host as they had everything for the kids at their homes and they could be put to bed as normal.

I think people who do imply this are looking back at their own pre children days with rose tinted glasses and don’t remember that they still did have responsibilities and obligations and irritations, just different ones.

@Boxoo Well said.

I have children and if I heard patronising bullshit like that from any friend I would distance myself.

Parents who whine on that they are the only people who have things hard are bores.

Different people have different challenges in their lives, its not a competition.

I am fussy about my home despite having 3 children.
Mine ate at the table only, because I didn't want sticky hands on lovely furniture etc.
So shoot me!

If I wouldn't have my own eating all over the house making a mess, I sure as shit wouldn't have other peoples children.

My niece is very chill, lets her children run riot. Eat everywhere and lets them run around uncorrected. They are actually lovely kids, but not in my house.

She was talking a few years ago of visiting with 3 under 5 for the day and I told my husband knock that on the head after we had seen them in action in his sisters beautiful home🙄 total carnage.

Not in my house. My husband blew them off and his sister quietly said to him, "I can't see Hillary tolerating such a mess" and he said, "exactly!"
No apology, just not happening in MY home.

Well said, @Boxoo

Childfree people have jobs, eldercare (or in my case sibling with cancer care), volunteering, side gigs (in my case freelance work that takes up several evenings per week plus large share of weekends), health issues, household maintenance & DIY, hobbies like sports clubs that carry an obligation to other people/specific timings, and other family/social obligations to list a few.

We aren't sitting around binging box sets and drinking wine. It's so insulting and mindless to imply that those without kids are self-indulgent, well-rested hedonistic slackers.

Excellent post Boxoo. I've definitely come across that nasty sneering attitude towards non parents many times on here, but thankfully never in my own life. I'm so sorry about your losses x

oh ok, your cogent argument has convinced me.

You might not like me saying it, but it's correct.

You had the first 6 months when the baby didn't move at all to have them over. You wouldn't have needed to do a thing to "babyproof" your house -- excuses, excuses. You are not a good friend to them.

What a complete and utter crock of shiite.

So what if a non parent has more free time? Does that mean their parent friends are entitled to demand they use it on rolling the child proofed red carpet out for their offspring simply because they have more free time than parents do? That's beyond entitled, and just stinks of resentment. The vast majority of us chose to have our bairns, knowing that free time would probably be a foreign concept for quite a few years and that our unchilded friends' lives would likely continue as they did before!

As those of us who are parents know, it is actually quite a bit of trouble to think of all potential hazards and make your home totally child safe. And for a child that would only be an occasional visitor, entirely not a reasonable ask.

So basically what you're saying is childfree people can never complain about pretty much ANYTHING otherwise they're pathetic. Because parents will always have it worse. Whether that's having spare time, sleep, worries etc. I think that's a disgusting point of view personally. I'm glad in the real world my friends with children don't think like that.
I don't have children (not through choice), and sometimes I DON'T have time to do certain things. Sometimes I'm fucking shattered and exhausted and the thought of doing something is too much. I'm allowed to feel and think and say that. Just because a parent might also be fucking exhausted and not have time to do something doesn't mean I'm pathetic for feeling the same just because I've been "lucky" enough to have 3 miscarriages and no children.
As i said, luckily all my friends are normal people. If my friend asks if I've watched a certain show and I say no I haven't had time they don't start ranting that i don't know the meaning of no time and I should have had plenty of time to watch it because I don't have children. If they ask me if i want to go out and I say no sorry I'm shattered they don't take offense and tell me I can't possibly be as tired as them because I don't have children.
So while I may well have more free time than my parent friends, they aren't weirdly angry about it like you are.

With the obvious caveats about ill health/ insane shift work like a junior doctor /lack of spoons due to other sensible reasons, yeah, kinda. A healthy person, without other challenges, who doesn't have to do anything except work and do stuff for themselves, has a lot more capacity and time than the equivalent parent. The OP struck me as one of the reasons for her not wanting the kids round was that it would involve her going to trouble. I just had a gut reaction of jeez, read the room. As a direct comparison to her friend she has more time and maybe stuff is tiring but can guarantee she wont be as exhausted as her friend. Doesn't matter whose choice it was to have more time or not. She just does. Its not the main thing about this thread but it does stand out.

Are you saying childfree people are pathetic for saying they don't have time to do something or that they would find something exhausting?

They haven't stolen any free time. It's just kind of pathetic hearing them go on about things they can't do or don't have time for or which they would find exhausting or all too much. It's just nonsense.

'You talk as though child free people have sneakily and unfairly stolen their free time from parents. We make our choices for a reason, and I’ve never met anyone who didn’t have children so they could be a more effective support human for parents.'

Just LOVE this! Standing ovation 👏

Hear, hear.

Yanbu. I have 3, and I won't visit peoples houses except family.

How much damage can a 11 month old do?
A lot! My 12 month old was literally full on walking at 9 months and could climb the stairs. He would and still does try to open cabinets, touch everything. I'm debating getting rid of my display cabinet. *
*
So yes I agree with you.
I don't think you need to baby proof your home, visits are better there. I wish my in-laws would get it!

I agree with people that say why should non parents not get upset over having their things ruined etc. It's not "precious" or whatever to have nice things if you're able to.
I've tried for years to have children. Have reached the end of the line and I can't. So yes I have nice things in my house. Why not? I can and I like it. (Disclaimer here though that what I consider "nice" I'm pretty sure others do not). But it's things that I like. And I want them out to look at.
Years ago I had a friend that insisted on coming up my house to meet as she lived with her parents so I couldn't easily go to hers. I felt guilty about saying no and she didn't have any money to really go out anywhere. She used to bring her child at least once a week. I started off moving stuff I didn't want broken but in a 1 bedroom flat there wasn't many places to put it. At one point she was coming over once a week for about 6 months I just packed pretty much all my living room away and put it in the loft because there was no point putting it back to pack away again a week later. I think the whole thing went on for about a year until she moved out to her own place and i barely heard from her after that. Looking back i think it's ridiculous I had to do that and I certainly wouldn't be doing that again.
She planned to have her child while living at her parents. Yet I was the one inconvenienced for a whole year of not really having my flat how I wanted it. I don't think that's actually reasonable but I was a bit of a pushover back then.
These days as a one off I'd try and move and really expensive/important things and host for a few hours only. But I certainly wouldn't be doing what I did years back. I like my things and I like my house how it is. I can't have a family so whether you agree or not my "things" are important to me and make me feel happy. So I don't want them ruined. And it's not being precious to think like that.

@Balloonhearts My youngest says Challenge accepted.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 This made me laugh out loud! Bless 🥰

My furnishings are too expensive and delicate to risk grubby hands, vomit, spilled milk and shit all over them.

Mine aren’t and I was still pissed off at having food rubbed into the rug and a kid with their shoes on (with buckles) on my leather sofa!

Great post. So true, sadly.

@bettybardmacdonald the original Betty MacDonald would have accommodated vegetarians and people bringing random kids and all sorts of hullabaloo. I guess when you have stuff like the Great Depression, surviving TB, and escaping from your emotionally cold chicken farmer husband, you get a perspective on life that's less about strictly holding people to account for their Voluntary Choices and more about meeting people where they are and helping meet their needs in the moment.

Another example - if a dear friend or relative got lung cancer due to their choice to smoke 80 a day, and needed certain food or to set up some medical equipment in your house, you'd say nopes, your choice to smoke so you bear all the consequences, forever? I don't think so.

@BettyBardMacDonald I completely agree that people shouldn’t need to rearrange their house for others, that would be ridiculous.

My point is just that in life, we often do.accommodate other people’s voluntary lifestyle choices to a certain extent and we don’t necessarily view them as absurd or entitled. Several posters have suggested compromises like going to the parents’ house every time but sometimes providing the meal.

That seems reasonable.

@BruFord

I'd meet them at a cafe or restaurant that was equipped to accommodate their needs. I wouldn't reorganize my home.

@BettyBardMacDonald So to give a more minor example, if someone’s vegan or vegetarian, for example, you wouldn’t accommodate that voluntary lifestyle choice? You’d think that serving them a vegan or vegetarian meal would be absurd and they’d be entitled?

Or if they were Jewish or Muslim and could only eat kosher or halal food? You wouldn’t accommodate that.

Then why do it?

Expecting others to ameliorate one's voluntary lifestyle choices is entitled and absurd.