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AIBU?

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Original poster

Overheard him saying he should have married someone else

135 replies

YourRealBiscuit · 30/11/2024 11:34

Hi all.
as you all may remember my relationship is heavily on the rocks but I wanted to get your opinion still…
I was watching a video my partner had taken on his phone of a concert - he knew I was watching it.

What he didn’t really realise is that I watched all of it and at the end he forgot to stop the video.

it went on to a conversation with his friend in the car where he said “I should have married her” in reference to his ex. How lovely she was and his friend agreed it would have been a great idea.

we’ve been together over a decade!

AIBU to be extra hurt with this? Or should I have expected it? Is that what people say in a rocky relationship??

OP posts:
q1w2e3r4t5y6 · 30/11/2024 12:14

If it had been that good with her she wouldn’t have been the one that got away. He’s forgotten why she wasn’t right, and possibly thinks the grass might be greener. Have an in-depth discussion about what you both want to save or end your marriage.

Original poster
YourRealBiscuit · 30/11/2024 12:13

We get on great on the face of it, but there have been some clear alarm bells such as not being married. Not being included in his will etc
If you looked from the outside it would look fine and even though I’m trying to sort out my future independence I had hoped things might improve.
Im certainly not sharing thoughts like that about him with friends.

OP posts:
Jostuki · 30/11/2024 12:05

It's a fair comment from him to his friend if the relationship with you has greatly deteriorated.

If you were getting on great then it would be devastating.

Sadly, I think he feels the relationship with you is over and resentment has set in.

I would tell him that you heard the comment and the fact you feel hurt means that your feelings for him are greater than his foe you and is the relationship salvageable. What steps are you both prepared to take to get it back on track or more realistically which is the most amicable way to split up.

Wishing you all the best.

BettyBardMacDonald · 30/11/2024 12:00

I wouldn't bring it up; what is the point? Are you making plans to leave?

AnotherDelphinium · 30/11/2024 11:55

I wouldn’t say he was wrong to speculate with a friend. He’s not incorrect in supposing that it could have been better with someone else.

However, I would bring it up and point out that a decade later she’s moved on with her life and is unlikely to contemplate him, so don’t be living a life in his head where he’s with her and it’s all roses, because that’s not what he chose and he needs to live in the real world, not a dream one!

Original poster
YourRealBiscuit · 30/11/2024 11:54

Maddy70 · 30/11/2024 11:52

Hes right though isn't he? If your relationship is rocky we all speculate

Only he can say if he’s right, obviously.
I guess I’m more concerned about hearing him and his best friend agreeing he should be with someone other than me.
I also think maybe it just confirms what I feel about how he treats me. Made me sad to hear.

OP posts:
YouveGotAFastCar · 30/11/2024 11:53

I haven’t seen any previous threads so I have no idea how “rocky” it is… I’d be really hurt if I heard my husband say that.

That said, if it’s in a really bad place, I think it’s easy to wonder if you made the wrong choice and should have stayed with an older partner or found someone else. I do think if you’re at that stage, especially where you’d share that with a friend, it’s over though, there’s no coming back from that.

Maddy70 · 30/11/2024 11:52

Hes right though isn't he? If your relationship is rocky we all speculate

Original poster
YourRealBiscuit · 30/11/2024 11:48

Mrsttcno1 · 30/11/2024 11:39

It’s not a nice thing to say, but I think if the relationship has broken down and is really on the rocks lots of people probably do think the same. If you’re unhappy in the situation you’re in then it’s quite natural to think back on other things and sort of think “I wouldn’t be in this unhappy situation if I’d done XYZ instead”.

Thank you. Would you bring it up or try to forget about it?

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 30/11/2024 11:39

It’s not a nice thing to say, but I think if the relationship has broken down and is really on the rocks lots of people probably do think the same. If you’re unhappy in the situation you’re in then it’s quite natural to think back on other things and sort of think “I wouldn’t be in this unhappy situation if I’d done XYZ instead”.

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