Overheard him saying he should have married someone else

I would assume neither of you are happy. He shouldn't have said what he did but equally you should have stopped watching the video when the concert ended. It would have been clear that the concert was over and he was accidentally filming and it would have been more than a couple of minutes before he was even back to the car. So you could have chosen to stop but presumably you had some reason you wanted to carry on to see what he was doing. That for me would be a reason to end it, feeling the need to see what my partner was doing or saying when he didn't realise it was being recorded means I don't trust him and that is no basis for a relationship

Are you actually splitting up, because it sounds like you’re flogging a dead horse here.

You have been on Mumsnet saying things are rocky. This is an example of him saying a similar thing in a different way. Time to have a serious talk.

The problem is though is that your relationship hasn’t worked. Equally you might have been better off marrying a previous bf instead of him. He seems quite arrogant to assume she would have been happy to be married to him, maybe she would be where you are now if he had.

@YourRealBiscuit its more hurtful because you aren’t married. He chose not to marry you but expected you to give up your job to raise his children with you. Even then the thought of marrying you didn’t seem appealing. If he had married you the issues you are having re inheritance and property ownership wouldn’t be occurring so that fact he views marriage to someone else as a possibility shows that he’s not adverse to marriage as a concept.

He’s obviously viewing the ex through rose tinted glasses and is not focused on whatever the reason was they broke up but it’s extremely hurtful given that your children wouldn’t exist if he had stayed with her and that he’s apparently so flippant about the life he built with you, even if things are tricky right now.

Its actually quite cruel to speculate about the fantasy marriage to someone else when in reality he wouldn’t marry you.

If you don’t have kids, I’d end this.

I’m starting to think I’m a bit unhinged based on other answers but a comment like this would make me go absolutely nuclear. It’s incredibly hurtful in my opinion and I’d be showing him exactly where the door is. Sorry OP that’s a horrible thing to hear a partner say.

ive often asked him if I should be x,y,z more to make him treat me better

Oh love, kindly, this isn't the man for you. If he wanted to treat you better he would, he doesn't. I wouldn't be at all surprised if he wanted you to hear that conversation about marrying someone else. They can be very believable about 'forgetting' to stop recording, or whatever.

It sounds like you've tried talking to him a fair bit already, and he's done nothing to make you feel any more secure or wanted. It sounds like he doesn't want you being confident. Or happy. I wouldn't bother mentioning the concert at all.

Start working on your own plans, don't involve him in any of your thoughts that only enables him to sabotage whatever you have in mind in whatever way, keep posting here or with people you trust in real life but I think it's time to accept this that man needs to be not in your life

Oh, are you the poster who has an older dh who isn't planning to include you in his will? I'm sorry, from all the things you have said I'm afraid he just isn't into the relationship like you thought he was. Incredibly hurtful and I'd feel devastated that he is just using you, but I think for you own self preservation the sooner you get-out of this relationship the better. Sounds like he is only waiting around while your DC are young?
No point in telling him. You can't make him care, just open yourself up to more hurt

YANBU to be hurt but it is no surprise if your relationship is on the rocks that he is talking to friends about his future.

I would get my ducks on a row then tell him he still can (marry her). Off you pop.

X post therefore correction to relationship, not marriage. Ask him what he wants in his future as he doesn’t appear to be committed to you emotionally or financially. I think you are wise to pursue your independence from him.

Your relationship is on the rocks. You're not married. He's saying he should have married someone else - note the word 'married'. He's not saying 'I should have lived with her' is he? He thinks he should have committed to her.

I think you need to make plans to leave. You're in a weak financial position and you need to get that sorted asap.

I wouldn't bring it up. I think it's time to accept that it hasn't worked and look ahead not backwards.

Oh op, you’re not financially safe with this man, let alone the fact he’s just not that into you. Don’t waste your life.

I'd take it as an opportunity to have an open and calm discussion about how the relationship has run it's course