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AIBU?

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Original poster

Overheard him saying he should have married someone else

135 replies

YourRealBiscuit · 30/11/2024 11:34

Hi all.
as you all may remember my relationship is heavily on the rocks but I wanted to get your opinion still…
I was watching a video my partner had taken on his phone of a concert - he knew I was watching it.

What he didn’t really realise is that I watched all of it and at the end he forgot to stop the video.

it went on to a conversation with his friend in the car where he said “I should have married her” in reference to his ex. How lovely she was and his friend agreed it would have been a great idea.

we’ve been together over a decade!

AIBU to be extra hurt with this? Or should I have expected it? Is that what people say in a rocky relationship??

OP posts:
Uricon2 · 30/11/2024 13:00

category12 · 30/11/2024 12:51

Do you mean that he just said that or is it in the will that you can live in the house for life?

Show quote history

Yes, this @YourRealBiscuit . I was on your last thread and I still think you should be making every preparation you can to leave. Anyone who expresses such regrets about who they are in a relationship with is not going to allow that person to occupy a house for potentially decades after their death, IMO.

HebburnPokemon · 30/11/2024 13:00

Leave, take the kids, claim child maintenance, claim benefits and rebuild your life.

Do not look back.

courtcox · 30/11/2024 12:59

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NZDreaming · 30/11/2024 12:58

@courtcox @ExtraOnions not every concert is at a massive stadium, I’ve been to plenty of gigs at small venues or pubs with performance spaces where you can park right outside. Never tested how long a video would record for on my phone but it’s not unreasonable to think someone could record 30minutes or more. There’s always the possibility he did it on purpose and wanted her to hear it

Mrsttcno1 · 30/11/2024 12:57

YourRealBiscuit · 30/11/2024 11:48

Thank you. Would you bring it up or try to forget about it?

Show quote history

I wouldn’t personally. It can’t come as a huge surprise to you that if your relationship is as heavily on the rocks as you say it is that he would be thinking he’d be happier elsewhere, we all do it and he voiced it to a friend

Original poster
YourRealBiscuit · 30/11/2024 12:56

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I think it’s different. He didn’t say “things are so hard now she’s such a pain” = fine. He wishes he wasn’t with me.

and you won’t come round and eat dinner at my table, his friend will and his wife who will no doubt know too.

it’s embarrassing and hurtful

OP posts:
courtcox · 30/11/2024 12:55

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Plastictrees · 30/11/2024 12:55

If things were on the rocks anyway this would be the final nail in the coffin for me I think. It’s so disrespectful and of course words cannot be taken back. It would be wise to start considering how you’re going to leave him and the practicalities of this. You are worth more.

LaurenAction · 30/11/2024 12:54

I've been there, in a very similar situation @YourRealBiscuit . Please consider that this was intentional on his part. They can seem so very innocent while manipulating you to do what they want.

courtcox · 30/11/2024 12:53

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courtcox · 30/11/2024 12:53

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stayathomer · 30/11/2024 12:52

Op just hugs, if you saw it you saw it. I’d personally bring it up because otherwise it’ll eat away at you, it’s a huge thing if there’s any feeling that the relationship is on the brink. He might have said it and immediately thought wtf or maybe he does feel that way but personally I’d ask x

ExtraOnions · 30/11/2024 12:52

That’s one hell of a phone … starts recording some of the concert, gets put away (in a pocket??) records the rest of the concert (accidentally), then the walk back to the car, and the drive home, capturing all the conversation perfectly despite it being put away somewhere .. whilst at no point the owner has checked the phone and seen it’s still recording.

courtcox · 30/11/2024 12:52

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category12 · 30/11/2024 12:51

YourRealBiscuit · 30/11/2024 12:46

He did exactly what he wanted with it but he did say I could live in the house until
i died.

Show quote history

Do you mean that he just said that or is it in the will that you can live in the house for life?

courtcox · 30/11/2024 12:51

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
YourRealBiscuit · 30/11/2024 12:51

We’ve got kids and all the rest.
Was going to put up the decorations today and have a good crack at having a good Christmas but I’m just not one of those who can just swallow this, hearing what I’ve heard!

OP posts:
HebburnPokemon · 30/11/2024 12:50

2110l · 30/11/2024 12:30

If you don’t have kids, I’d end this.

OP if you have kids - end it

Original poster
YourRealBiscuit · 30/11/2024 12:48

LaurenAction · 30/11/2024 12:45

That's very possibly what he wanted, a reaction.

ETA: That was in response to you saying you went nuclear @YourRealBiscuit

Edited

I don’t think he realised id see/hear that. I had the video (of music obviously) playing while I did things so it went on and on and I kept listening.

OP posts:
AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 30/11/2024 12:48

His musings seem a bit 'the grass is greener' so I wouldn't hold on to those words about his ex. He's only got a few people to compare you to and he's probably just reaching as he's not content. It may be that she turned him away so all those mind games are coming into play too.

He doesn't sound a great catch given how he's being cagey about relationship security.

If I'm being honest, I'd be really surprised if the 'forgetting to stop the video' wasn't contrived by him to bring things to a conclusion.

Move on and flourish OP X

Zone2NorthLondon · 30/11/2024 12:47

Cut your losses. Stop hoping he’ll marry you,evidently he doesn’t want to. you’re in a rocky relationship. If he’s fondly recalling an ex that’s not a surprise

Original poster
YourRealBiscuit · 30/11/2024 12:46

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He did exactly what he wanted with it but he did say I could live in the house until
i died.

OP posts:
DeepRoseFish · 30/11/2024 12:45

That comment should be the end of your relationship. Wake up. You deserve so much better.

LaurenAction · 30/11/2024 12:45

That's very possibly what he wanted, a reaction.

ETA: That was in response to you saying you went nuclear @YourRealBiscuit

Original poster
YourRealBiscuit · 30/11/2024 12:45

NZDreaming · 30/11/2024 12:33

@YourRealBiscuit its more hurtful because you aren’t married. He chose not to marry you but expected you to give up your job to raise his children with you. Even then the thought of marrying you didn’t seem appealing. If he had married you the issues you are having re inheritance and property ownership wouldn’t be occurring so that fact he views marriage to someone else as a possibility shows that he’s not adverse to marriage as a concept.

He’s obviously viewing the ex through rose tinted glasses and is not focused on whatever the reason was they broke up but it’s extremely hurtful given that your children wouldn’t exist if he had stayed with her and that he’s apparently so flippant about the life he built with you, even if things are tricky right now.

Its actually quite cruel to speculate about the fantasy marriage to someone else when in reality he wouldn’t marry you.

You’ve got how I feel entirely!!!

OP posts:
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