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AIBU?

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Original poster

Overheard him saying he should have married someone else

135 replies

YourRealBiscuit · 30/11/2024 11:34

Hi all.
as you all may remember my relationship is heavily on the rocks but I wanted to get your opinion still…
I was watching a video my partner had taken on his phone of a concert - he knew I was watching it.

What he didn’t really realise is that I watched all of it and at the end he forgot to stop the video.

it went on to a conversation with his friend in the car where he said “I should have married her” in reference to his ex. How lovely she was and his friend agreed it would have been a great idea.

we’ve been together over a decade!

AIBU to be extra hurt with this? Or should I have expected it? Is that what people say in a rocky relationship??

OP posts:
courtcox · 30/11/2024 13:16

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Original poster
YourRealBiscuit · 30/11/2024 13:15

Plastictrees · 30/11/2024 13:11

I think the crux of the issue is that this feels like a betrayal. It is one thing venting to friends however saying you wished you married an ex crosses a boundary of what is acceptable IMO. It is always worth having these discussions at the start of the relationship; I have honestly never badmouthed my DH and we are in agreement about this. I think the remark made here is disrespectful.

It does sound as though this is part of a bigger picture OP and I think you should be prepared to walk away rather than prolong the unhappiness.

I feel betrayed and embarrassed and of course I feel stupid that again. His feelings are confirmed as I keep saying to myself they are.

OP posts:
courtcox · 30/11/2024 13:15

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Plastictrees · 30/11/2024 13:15

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No if I had a shit relationship I would leave. I certainly wouldn’t be talking to a friend about wishing I’d married an ex instead.

courtcox · 30/11/2024 13:14

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Mummyoflittledragon · 30/11/2024 13:14

He has no respect for you. That was clear from your last thread. I get it’s hard. You’ve said you wasted years on him. No need to keep wasting them now. You have a good enough income to buy yourself a small house and I would take that chance now while you still can.

Original poster
YourRealBiscuit · 30/11/2024 13:14

category12 · 30/11/2024 12:51

Do you mean that he just said that or is it in the will that you can live in the house for life?

Show quote history

He said it. I haven’t seen the will to confirm. I almost felt like it was besides the by. I’d already made a decision to start looking out for myself so it mattered less.

OP posts:
Plastictrees · 30/11/2024 13:13

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No, probably because my DH and I respect each other and don’t slag each other off.

Original poster
YourRealBiscuit · 30/11/2024 13:12

ExtraOnions · 30/11/2024 12:52

That’s one hell of a phone … starts recording some of the concert, gets put away (in a pocket??) records the rest of the concert (accidentally), then the walk back to the car, and the drive home, capturing all the conversation perfectly despite it being put away somewhere .. whilst at no point the owner has checked the phone and seen it’s still recording.

Well it did 🤔

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courtcox · 30/11/2024 13:12

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Plastictrees · 30/11/2024 13:11

I think the crux of the issue is that this feels like a betrayal. It is one thing venting to friends however saying you wished you married an ex crosses a boundary of what is acceptable IMO. It is always worth having these discussions at the start of the relationship; I have honestly never badmouthed my DH and we are in agreement about this. I think the remark made here is disrespectful.

It does sound as though this is part of a bigger picture OP and I think you should be prepared to walk away rather than prolong the unhappiness.

courtcox · 30/11/2024 13:07

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Original poster
YourRealBiscuit · 30/11/2024 13:07

SunshineAfterTheRainR · 30/11/2024 13:06

Sorry but.. who makes videos of themselves having conversations like that? Then shows their partner accidentally.. I mean, he either did it on purpose to spur on the end of the relationship or he is incredibly stupid.

It’s the latter, he is older and isn’t great with tech

OP posts:
courtcox · 30/11/2024 13:06

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SunshineAfterTheRainR · 30/11/2024 13:06

Sorry but.. who makes videos of themselves having conversations like that? Then shows their partner accidentally.. I mean, he either did it on purpose to spur on the end of the relationship or he is incredibly stupid.

courtcox · 30/11/2024 13:06

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Original poster
YourRealBiscuit · 30/11/2024 13:05

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You’re really triggered by this aren’t you.

yes he does, we both do. I still don’t think it was a stitch up for me to watch it. I don’t think he even has watched the video. I just wanted to listen to the music and he went off and did other things.

I think that’s normal.

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courtcox · 30/11/2024 13:05

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Original poster
YourRealBiscuit · 30/11/2024 13:04

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I’ve responded elsewhere I wasn’t ever really watching I was listening to the music as I did other things and on it went as videos do unless you stop them.

why is the fact I kept on listening to it so pivotal? Are you one of those who says of people who get caught cheating, that they shouldn’t have looked? It’s their own fault..?

OP posts:
courtcox · 30/11/2024 13:04

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courtcox · 30/11/2024 13:03

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courtcox · 30/11/2024 13:02

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Original poster
YourRealBiscuit · 30/11/2024 13:01

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Pack up things? He isn’t in the band?

anyway I’ve explained how it came to be-I really don’t think it was a deliberate cry for help from him to get me to leave.

OP posts:
diddl · 30/11/2024 13:01

I think it’s different. He didn’t say “things are so hard now she’s such a pain” = fine. He wishes he wasn’t with me.

Tbh I think it amounts to the same thing.

Things aren't good for either of you by the sounds of things.

courtcox · 30/11/2024 13:01

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