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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not be interested in pursuing counselling

38 replies

rainonthefield · 30/11/2024 10:29

This is specific to me and I’m not saying for a moment I think this applies to everyone; obviously some people find it very helpful. But a friend suggested counselling for some marriage problems I’ve had recently and when I said it wasn’t really for me / us she seemed really shocked and to be honest a bit angry.

(it wasn’t the case that I’d been confusing in her and she was a bit fed up of hearing it, I just had to mention it briefly because I hadn’t been able to go to a previous event because of it.)

So I was wondering if anyone else felt like me or if my view is perceived as ‘wrong’?

OP posts:
Eraserbread · 30/11/2024 10:53

It’s not for everyone. I’ve tried in numerous times over the years (not for relationship issues) fully engaged with the process and ultimately found it useless. But then some people find it invaluable so…

volcanovillain · 30/11/2024 10:51

I think when you've had counselling (I would always say with a qualified psychotherapist) and found it really helpful, it is something that you naturally suggest for other people.

There are a couple of people in my life who I just wish would go to therapy because I can see that they're stuck in the same patterns and difficult ways of thinking and I really do feel it would help them. I also find their reluctance to go a form of arrogance in some ways - as in, there is a whole industry out of this, so many people say it helps them, why do you think your problems and your brain is so unique that you wouldn't benefit.

But, ultimately I have to accept their choice - it's their life to deal with as they see fit and perhaps a form of arrogance on my part to assume I know what is best for them. So in my opinion YANBU (but as a caring stranger I would gently encourage you to really think about it).

WhatNoRaisins · 30/11/2024 10:51

I wonder if this is a case of a person who gets arsey when you don't take their advice. Some people take it more personally than others I think.

Original poster
rainonthefield · 30/11/2024 10:49

I had counselling before and didn’t find it helpful. I think it is just not for everybody. It’s also very expensive and it takes time and since lack of both are one of my main sources of stress at the moment it seems silly to add to this!

OP posts:
FrabjousDays · 30/11/2024 10:48

It seems a bit daft to me to dismiss something you know nothing about, but you do you, obviously. A friend and his wife saw a couples therapist when it was pretty clear they were at or close to the end of their marriage, and I think found it very helpful as a way of seeing it was definitely over and moving civilly towards separation and divorce.

Original poster
rainonthefield · 30/11/2024 10:43

Princessfluffy · 30/11/2024 10:43

I'd suggest personal counselling rather than relationship counselling.

I don’t want either.

OP posts:
Original poster
rainonthefield · 30/11/2024 10:43

I do explain in my OP that this wasn’t what wa happening (I was desperately trying to change the subject in fact; I really don’t want to talk about it at all!)

OP posts:
Princessfluffy · 30/11/2024 10:43

I'd suggest personal counselling rather than relationship counselling.

skilpadde · 30/11/2024 10:42

Were you using your friend s a sounding board about the problems in your marriage?

Could her annoyance over the rejection of her suggestion have been because she would prefer you take your marriage issues to a counsellor rather than have it taint your friendship?

BeeCucumber · 30/11/2024 10:41

Counselling is like snake oil. Anyone can say they are a counsellor and sell it to you. If your marriage is over - no amount of “counselling” is going to fix it. Don’t waste your time and money.

Original poster
rainonthefield · 30/11/2024 10:35

I’m not doubting her good intentions, just that she seemed so shocked and a bit annoyed when I said it wasn’t for me that it made me wonder if most people see it as something that will help, not might (or might not.)

OP posts:
Lottapianos · 30/11/2024 10:33

Well I guess your friend thought that counselling might help you both to move forward in some way. Do you want to work through your problem and stay in your marriage, or do you want the marriage to end? Either one requires a big change, and that's not always easy to achieve on your own, or in a relationship

CandiedPrincess · 30/11/2024 10:31

I'm with you OP. My ex husband wanted us to go for counselling, I couldn't see the point. I was done, I wanted out, nothing was going to change my mind and the only thing that counselling would have done is potentially hurt him more.

It's just not something I see value in.