To ask for a cohabitation agreement

If I was him I would say no, sorry.

His unlikely to agree. I’d say half of bills and shopping or your idea and see which one he picks.

But I’d be very wary of a man who wants you to pay so much with zero security no ring or tenancy while often so I’m presuming here leaving 90% of the baby stuff and costs down to you as well.

Maybe if he wants rent you should charge him child maintenance 😉

Will he be doing 50/50 with all childcare and child related work? As well as childcare costs? They are often more than a mortgage, and the parent who does the pick ups, drop offs and sick days always takes a career hit.
Honestly marriage is a much easier option once you have children in the mix, then you know no matter what it will equal out if things don't work out between you. Although if you do step back in your career, you never get compensated for that.

Use your money to start your own household and eventually buy your own property. He's taking advantage of you.

Yeah exactly this. You’re not married, you’d be paying rent to live there just like if separated you’d be paying rent/a mortgage.

But in all honesty you are no different to a lodger/tenant and that is the issue you have in your relationship

You're living together and paying lodgings?

People don't have to let you invest in their investments or let you take advantage of them for free. Even if he has no mortgage, makes no difference.

It's perfectly reasonable for him to charge you around 70% of the interest on a mortgage as rent for you and half of your shared child.

|f he is clear you are paying him to stay, and he is paying his mortgage, you have no interest.

As well as paying rent, you can choose whether to buy a house to let out - I wonder whether you'll be keen to let the tenants buy in to the equity as well.

You could nip to the register office by yourselves for the legal side of marriage then celebrate at a later date. He wont marry you because he wont hand over half his house.

In which case she shouldn't be contributing to all the bills. Food yes, Council Tax yes, anything else a big no.

I'm not married to my OH either, it works for us. We moved in together just before our eldest was born.

In his flat I paid nothing because first I was on mat leave and later the bills were equal to childcare so just paid that.

Later I sold my own property and we bought together with a deed of trust delineating our shares. All bills and mortgage are now 50/50.

Do not let him gaslight you into handing over more than half the bills, and remember that childcare is a bill that both of you have to pay.

The alternative is an official legal contract where you officially buy in to the property, nothing less. No verbal agreement, nothing less than a formal contract with your name added to the deeds. It's perfectly possible to write a declaration of trust that protects everything he's paid to date.

He can't have his cake and eat it.

I don’t think you could enforce it. I would take some legal advice here

and if he won’t then I would only pay him half the bills and food, insist he pays half of all child care costs including nursery, clothes etc and I would be saving the rest really hard to enable me to buy my own property, or have funds in case it all goes wrong

i would also not be paying anything towards his house for repairs, decorating and would be very careful about paying towards furniture

You’re being taken for a mug

if he won’t legally marry you to give you the security you deserve but wants to continue to pay his mortgage off with your money I would move out and invite him to set up home with you and rent out his house

Please take some time to read the thousands of threads on here from women who tolerated this for 20 plus years and then were left high and dry when their ‘partner’ does the dirty

It's a tricky one and the fact that you already have a child and aren't married has lost you some bargaining power.

If you split you'd be paying rent as well as bills elsewhere, so half bills only is quite a good deal for you. (Does this include half the childcare? This should be split.) He can't actually make you pay more though, so that's your bargaining chip. As you say, if he wants a contribution to the mortgage this needs to be reflected in the cohabitation agreement or being added to the deeds as tenants in common (uneven split to reflect what he's already covered and what you'll contribute).

What do you think will happen if you insist/won't pay more? If he indicates you'll have to leave, I would breezily say OK but I'll have to leave the child here with you, as you have a family home and I'll have to rent a room. I know you won't but I bet he won't like that idea one bit.

I doubt he’ll agree to giving you a stake in the house through a formal agreement but you can ask. Realistically though if you don’t pay towards the mortgage indefinitely you’re living rent free which isn’t fair either, if you weren’t with him you’d be paying rent on your own + all bills so he could set up a formal agreement for rent rather than cohabitation.

Given you have had a child getting married and everything that brings should be an absolute priority for you because at the moment you are financially screwed

that said his ownership should also be protected

I think you need an honest conversation and some good financial and legal advice and a discussion regarding marriage

Does he have a will (he should have)? If he died tomorrow, who would the house be left to? When you have your frank talk, these are two important things you need to find out. If he won't tell you and show you his will, then you have bigger problems than you realise.

YABU because you are paying and have paid too much!!

Getting married and ownership of the house can be two different things .

If he doesn't want to get married, do what someone up thread has suggested. Get the house valued now , have a deed of trust to protect his equity to date , then equal ownership going forward

You are in a long-term relationship and share a child together. If you were to separate, you could demonstrate that you have an interest in the house you share together, regardless of your not being on the deeds.

I know this because a friend of mine (male) recently had to make a very significant settlement to his ex girlfriend. She was not on the deeds and they co-habited. No children.

If I were you I would take legal advice. Your suggestion of a co-habiting agreement is very sensible.

I think it would be fine to want and ask for this. Your issue is more that you've no way of enforcing it. If he says no, there's nothing you can do about that other than decide whether it's a deal breaker or not.

It may be a moot point depending on your plans, but also I would not have more DC until the situation is resolved.

She'd have more rights if he was.
She's a lodger currently with no rights.

You make it sound like she is a lodger demanding a share of the equity in return for her lodging payments. The OP is the homeowner's life partner and the mother of his child. If they were married or civil partners she would be entitled to a share of the house if they split up or if he died iwithout a will in recognition of the fact that.when two people live as partners and especially when they have children together their finances inevitably become intertwined. It sounds as if the OP would be capable of supporting herself and their child if they did split up or if the partner were to die but she would have no right to his pension either.

Time for a frank talk, OP. What are his objections to getting married? If it's to do with not wanting a wedding, why not just get a civil partnership or the cheapest possible registry office wedding? No need to invite anybody else if you don't want to. Just find two witnesses and off you go. All the legalities sorted out very simply. You can replicate some of them without marriage or civil partnership but it will cost more in legal fees.

If he won't go for that you have a bigger problem on your hands. What's in his will? Has he made one? Without a will everything goes to your child and nothing to you. Has he thought about inheritance tax? If that might be relevant, and it easily could be if the house is in London, your child will ultimately inherit more from two married parents than two co-habiting parents.