To think the genuinely happy relationships don’t exist?

I have been with my partner 22 years tomorrow and we are genuinely in a happy relationship. We are not big showy people so it's not about big gestures but the small things, buying a treat for each other for example. He is a really thoughtful and kind person, actually much better at gifts than me. We are very much a team with the children and with cooking for each other etc.

This. And just because he's declaring his love on the radio doesn't mean he isn't shitting on her behind her back. Also, a lot of these adoring husbands (in my experience) are on their second marriage and keeping a "newer model" happy - for now.

Yes they exist…
We never post anything on social media but for example today I had a 5 hour drive back from a work event. My husband mentioned on the phone he fancied a certain treat and I stopped on my way home to grab it (after driving 4 and a half hours straight with no break).
When I got home he had ran me a candle lite bath with a cup of tea waiting for me because I’d had a long drive.

After my bath, we sat down to watch a show together and he had already put a bar of chocolate next to my seat for me to eat.

Together 16 years so far.

My parents' marriage was unspeakably terrible and I remember being surprised when friends' parents seemed to like and respect each other, and that their home life was peaceful and full of love, support and joy.

OP, you're a lovely partner. So you know they exist. It just happens that you aren't married to one.

Then we all tell you our stories and what do you do? FWIW I had one like yours, divorced him. I now have DH, who is great. Not perfect, but great. Cooked breakfasts and 'I love yous'. You can leave.

Do people not realise with the billions of people on the planet everyone relationship is not the same, not sure if it is the endless speaking more time people living in their own heads or social media but this idea that everyone has the same experiences is weird

I'm still confused about how that's going to keep you warm after a massage 😂

Jesus christ, I read this as 'canastan pheasant' and was imagining you trying to stuff an anti fungal pheasant up your foof.

There are good relationships and bad relationships and relationships which are a mixture of the two. Some of them require no work at all, and some of them require quite a bit of work.
Your partner can make you a cup of tea every day and a big extravaganza on your birthday but be otherwise aloof. Or he can be supportive in every possible way and yet not make you a single hot drink or say he loves you.
That's not the point. The point is that some relationships make you feel great and some don't. And a lot of the time people are too afraid to change anything so they carry on in these lukewarm relationships for years. Be brave and make a change.

OP, I know exactly what you mean. I needed to believe all relationships were shit because mine was.

I didn't want to believe something different was possible. It still hurts when I see couples who respect each other, who want to see the other happy, who admire each other.

Hurts like hell.

I've been single for 5 years, never found this for me, but I'm much happier now. I have respectful and affectionate relationships with my kids and friends, have lots of therapy and that's it :)

This is such bullshit. Its not responsive to OP’s question and its not useful.

Yes: people csn be in happy, living, relationships. I am in one (married 30 years). My brother is in one—he adores his wife and she him. My parents have been generously in love for about 88 years, married for 70! Still dote upon each other.

Leave your dh and find someone who treasures you. He us a lousy husband because of who he is, not because of who you are.

What do you mean by hard work - I've been married for 25 years and I'd never call it hard work - maybe I just don't feel it's work but what do you do that feels like that much of an effort?

My sons adore their OHs and it is utterly reciprocated

I too am sorry that you haven't experienced the love of a good man OP. I've been with my DH 32 years, married for 25. We're both disabled, and in pain every single day, but we love each other, look after each, other depending on who's in most pain at the time, and we laugh together, ALL the time. He's my best friend, and I'm his. I dread the possibility of him dying first, and quite honestly think that I won't want to carry on without him, if that's the order of things. We truly are soul mates!

In all honesty, I would counsel you to live alone rather than be miserable with your current partner. That way you only have to live with, and tolerate your own problems, rather than having to put up with some arsehole, who clearly doesn't give a tinker's cuss for you and your wellbeing. If he doesn't add to your happiness OP, then he's really not worth having.

My life has taught me that good relationships are hard work. But it’s so worth it! My DH is my ultimate person - he makes me so happy.

He’s also the most patient man I know. I met him when he was 19 and he was a twunt back then 😂 now in our 40s and he’s an absolute gem (and has been since we got serious in our 20s)

Well, I’m sure a Canesten peasant would be very effective. If not very nice for the peasant.

OP, surely you didn’t think that just because your own relationship is unhappy that everyone else’s is?

Second not send marriage.

DH is the love of my life. Send marriage for both of us, together almost 13 years. Both age 54.

He makes me cappuccino every morning before work after he's taken the dog out while I do my morning exercise.

We both WFH mostly and he makes teas and coffees throughout the day. I do make lunch for us both usually.

He comes and hugs me during the days and says nice things to me. He tells me he loves me regularly.

I'm happy with him, no complaints.

🤣🤣🤣

We've known each other since we started uni, turning 50 soon!!!

Been with dh ten years. Absolutely love him to bits.

I've been married 20 years. DH and I can drive each other round the bend at times but we love each other. It's the little things. I went to bed early last night full of a cold when he was out at his work leaving party. He came in very merry at god knows what time and spotted I hadn't set the coffee machine for the morning so did it and then quietly went to bed to not disturb me. I'd do exactly the same for him.

Mine is the same - I don't get the big spectacular gifts, I don't want or need them - they mean nothing to me, it's the everyday support and it's never-ending. He's my best friend - 25 years on, I have no idea how I would cope without him. My parents had a shit marriage and I thought that was normal, so I never wanted to marry anyone but I think I've been very lucky.

I'm sorry about your relationship. You deserve better. They certainly do exist, it's not a fairy tail of course and we have ups and downs but me and my DP are very happy. We're very different as some PPs have said but we love and care for each other very much and we make it know daily. What you're describing with your partner is not a relationship and you shouldn't normalise it just put up with it 'because'. I'm not saying LTB because there must having been something there to begin with? Could you talk with DP, share how you're telling and see it there is a way forward first?