To think the genuinely happy relationships don’t exist?

Yes I would agree with this as well. Some of the years were a hard slog but as above we are really enjoying our time again now.

We’ve been together coming up 22 years, married 20. Don’t get me wrong we have arguments and can bicker but 99% of the time we enjoy each others company we do things to make each other smile. He makes me a lovely breakfast on a weekend while I sleep in, I make his favourite dinners after a long day at work etc. We text during the day, hug and kiss each other every day etc. Our kids are older now and we are loving being able to nip off on a weekend shopping or for a coffee just the two of us.

Long term relationships go through phases. My relationship was really happy, then we had kids and it became rough. I fell out of love. Suspect I also had undiagnosed depression. Then the kids got a bit older there was more time for everything else, we got more sleep, things were generally brighter and we fell back in love. Now our relationship is really good again. I think young kids, and some other life events, can use up so much of your buffer that you stop enjoying things, including some relationships.

Was your relationship ever happy?

Have a look at the thread You never know what's going on behind closed doors, which is trending at the moment. You'll see that there are many relationships that fall very far short of ideal. But it doesn't mean that you should put up with a miserable partnership. You might be much happier alone.

Relationships change over time but yours doesn’t sound right. We are more quietly content with each other now, and we are both happier and more relaxed when we’re together.

We have ups and downs of course but don’t really argue. The downs have tended to bring us closer together because we approach problems as a team.

Doesn’t mean he isn’t an annoying git who couldn’t find the washing machine if he tripped over it. But he’d say the same about me and the hoover!

It’s hard to know what a ‘normal’ or ‘healthy’ relationship looks like, but I hope all the different insights you’re getting here help.

It does sound as if you've got into a massive rut with each other. If I were you I'd try to have some couples therapy, because whatever happens you're going to have to co-parent and communicate somehow.

I was married to my late dh for 15 years and it was not easy at all, but he did his very best to love me despite being very ill. We had some extraordinarily happy times, he was a really special man.

I'm with dp now and I have a very inconvenient problem which is that I miss him horribly when he's not there. That's never happened to me before. I always previously loved being single, and I still have lots of things I want to do alone, but I have to grit my teeth and deal with missing dp while I do them. It is always a happy moment when he comes home. Everyone deserves that imo.

I am very happy with my dh.
We are very similar. We have the same fundamental beliefs. We hold the same political views, social views and general opinions. We do a lot things together but do go out alone too.
Life with dh is just easy, comfortable like it is with a best friend. Yet we do not take each other for granted. I always make an effort to look good when we are together. This is a second marriage for both of us. It wasn’t like this with my first husband. No matter how hard I tried I knew deep, deep down that I wasn’t that important to him.
Dh tells me he loves me every day. We kiss each other every day. He would do anything for me and vice versa. We both make an effort.
I didn’t think love like this would ever be mine after splitting up with my first dh. We don’t argue. We think alike. He is the male version of me.
I think it is down to chance though. Chance brings you together.

I am over 3 decades into a blissfully happy relationship with the best person I’ve ever known. Most of my friends can say the same.

So...I don't post on social media or call into radio shows but yeah happy relationships exist. Dh is my ultimate supporter and cheerleader, he calls me out (in a helpful way) on shitty behaviour so I'm a better person by being with him. He's smart, funny and all my friends think I'm 'so lucky'.
But... It's not just luck, we've talked, negotiated and grown together (I'm in the old but not so wrinkly camp). We've held each other to account and would both rather walk than put up with crappy behaviour. We have common values and goals and have been determined to model to our kids healthy disagreement/discussion and resolution. We talk productively a lot. This is key....communicating about difference and disagreement and reaching a compromise is a huge skill to learn and utter so vital....

My husband is my best friend... Cliche but true. Not without our own problems but genuinely happy and love him so much. 15 years together. 2 kids. Supportive, kind, brilliant father, does stupid shit to make us laugh, patience of a saint. Again not without our issues, no one is perfect. But yeah, genuinely happy.

Was that the one called 'itchy when red' or was that their second one?

Oh come now! You can't really think that everyone has a shit relationships. Why bother if that was the case. My husband has told me he loves me at least 3 times today. Every day we make each others lives better in some way. I'd end things if that ever changed.

You deserve to be happy. Relationships should make your life better and easier I think.

My DH came and picked me up from work today as it was raining, cooked me some chips before he went out. He sorted out the washing, I did the shopping. We have a laugh. He's deeply itrritating at t8mes...but so am I.

Cheese alert - my DH is my best mate. We just get on really well, and we'd be friends even if we weren't partners. We're happy. Not going to say we don't sometimes argue or do each other's heads in, but we always resolve it quickly and there's no lack of affection between us. We do like similar music and telly and so on, I suppose.

Yah, I've actually got Canesten Peasant's first album, it's an eclectic blend of wistful folk and electro-grunge.

They do exist. I hope you find better 🥰

i have been with dh for 20 years. I would say 95% of the time I am really happy.

we are definitely more in love then we were at 16 .

he does sometimes do stupid stuff that annoys me, (obviously I don’t have such failings) and that’s the bits we tend to moan about to others I suppose.

But they do exist

When people make this clichéd sweeping statement it’s usually by those who are jealous of other people’s happy relationships and it makes me cringe.

I was you, when I was with my exH. He was selfish, unloving, and just generally an arsehole. I didn't "get" good relationships, or really understand that loving companionship that my friends had with their other halves.

Mr Pony and I have been together for six years. It's totally different. We live each other's company and do stuff together all the time. He is genuinely my favourite person in the world.

Oh OP you deserve to be happy! Happy relationships are real but you can be happy on your own too. The worst kind of loneliness is to be with someone but feeling alone. It sounds like things really need to change. I hope you can be brave!

I’m sorry you’re relationship is so crap, it shouldn’t be that way, why are you still together?

I was utterly miserable in my first marriage, never understood how people stayed together for decades. Then I met my DH, together for 20 years and very happy. He’s an absolute rock to me, our marriage has never been hard work, we are best friends, have so much fun together and I couldn’t imagine or want to imagine my life without him

I was wondering about that! 😆
OP, I think shit relationships are all too commonplace, but I do believe some people have genuinely happy ones too. My first ‘proper’ boyfriend made me feel very special, but everyone else since (except my last ex, but I had other things going on that made the relationship untenable on my part in the end) has been very half arsed at best.

I think people are getting side tracked by OP use of the example of the radio show or social media posts. Whether thise are real or not is not the issue—she wants that feeling of being loved, cherished, admired by her spouse. That love and affection certainly exists between many life partners.

OP the most important thing is that you are not happy and you know it. That is precious information. Your marriage snd partnership should make you happy and content. Why? Because otherwise what a fucking waste if time.

If you want to be treated lovingly, considerately, thoughtfully by your dh that is not too great a demand to make of the universe. Get out and rebuild your life and if you happen to meet a great partner, well and good, but at least you won’t be treated like dirt on the shoe of your current husband.

Me too!