To think the genuinely happy relationships don’t exist?

1. relationships change over time as anything does. Good times and bad times, ups and downs.

2. people are fake on and off social media.

3. if your relationship is ok for you, that’s fine, we all look for different things. If it’s not ok, communicate. Seek improvements. Try something new.

My relationship is nearly 20 years old and we are nearly 40 with three kids. Relationship was great in the first 4-5 years. Good enough in the next 5-6. Then tough when the kids came along, took commitment on both sides to stay together. Now they’re all in primary school it’s getting better, we still bicker but also starting to get intimacy and understanding back. Any relationship is hard to maintain, lots of people bullshit too.

I haven’t voted as I am a widow, but I know a lot of very happy couples who I spend time with, so I know it’s genuine. I couldn’t stay in a relationship like yours. I don’t undershot joy you get from it.

I don’t big up my pa

Been with my partner nearly 6 year's, and I absolutely adore him, he's my best friend, we are always affectionate with each other.

We don't declare our lives on social media or share extravagant gifts, but I wouldn't want my life without him in it.

I’m never think about Thrush in the same way.

Before I met my current DH I was like you and genuinely didn't think people had genuine relationships, full of love and respect. I had been in several bad relationships and was very cynical. I also thought all men were cheats, porn addicts and inheritently selfish.

However, this outlook changed (although very slowly) when I met my current DH. He is truly my best friend, and I his. He cooks for me, listens to me, tells me I'm beautiful every single day. When he is away for work he's sends me a good morning text everyday, and continues to message throughout the day asking how I am/ what I'm up to. When I am sad he will try his best to make me happy. When the kids have overwhelmed me he'll get them ready and take them out so I can have the house to myself. I told him early doors that I did not like the use of porn as I had previous relationships with bad experiences with it. He now does not even think about looking at it (yes I know some of you may not believe that is true) and tells me how he completely understands how damaging it can be and respects me and my wishes. He also buys me presents randomly. I have just qualified in my dream profession and no yet working so I don't have an income coming in... I was worried about Christmas present... but he has already budgeted for everything and put money aside. He has also put money aside for present for all my side of the family. I told him I couldn't get him and expensive gift so please don't get me one... he was having none of it and told me he will gifting me exactly what I want and more stocking fillers.

Anyway, I never boast about my relationship, but I guess what I mean to point out is... do not settle and set the bar low. I am just so grateful I get to spend my days with this man.... and I do deserve it, because I have been treated awfully in the past (abusive relationships).

I love my partner of 20 years to bits , we have very different personalities, but I think thats what makes it work .

This is really sad, not only that you are so unhappy in your relationship but also that the way you view things to think that it's how relationships are. Its the most significant relationship in your life and it should definitely be a positive one, perhaps it's time to move on if he's not willing to put the work in?

Isn't there middle ground? I love my partner and we are happy together, but I could live without him. I'd have to if I couldn't live with him. I think most of us muddle along in the middle.

Yep, I'd agree with this. I remember reading somewhere that "all marriages take hard work" as if it was this unavoidable wisdom and thinking - no they don't, mine is just easy.

We don't bicker or argue, and whilst we're not doing big lavish gifts all the time, we do say I love you and hug all the time - probably daily - and support each other 100%.

That pretty much describes my relationship with my DH of 43 years. He has just brought me a cup of tea in bed.

DD says that her friends and workmates are incredulous that DH and I don't shout at each other or argue all the time.

I think you both sound a little drained from life and childminding. Mid life crunch.

I ve witnessed happy relationships, I think they go back to being happy once life s burdens ease.

Some people get a lot of support and don't experience life's rawness to the same extent, it's easy to be happy when you live in a bubble.

You both sounds unhappy and tbh you have hardly covered yourself in glory

It takes two to tango and there are kids involved so wake up and sort your relationship out!!

I did wonder 🤣🤣

Your post really made me sad, OP. Not because I'm in a happy relationship ... I'm happily single! But because I remember how lonely and soul-destroying it is to be in a shit relationship.
Please do yourself a favour and move on!

I’m same as you no big gestures from either of us and I also was brought up with parents who hated each other. My daughter ice skates and when it’s winter he puts a hot water bottle in bed for when I get home or will make me a salad for the odd occasion I go in the office. That’s love to me, not flowers and declarations in front of other people or on the radio.

I know an amazing elderly couple, they take care of each other but it’s the mental connection they have, they are really different people but just completely in synch.

I would say we are happy, DH does things like take my trousers to the tailor to be adjusted, always thoughtful. We do have rows but they are rare and it’s because we are both a bit short tempered and grumpy. It’s not perfect but it is happy.

I have known couples where they look great from the outside but are actually quite unhappy. So you never really know tbh.

Yonder peasant, who is he?

But i never assumed my family and people around me relationships was the way everyone was and everyone acted the same

Even as a child i knew there was a big wide world out there and no individual nor relationship is the same as the next person or couple

Why is it so hard for people to understand that we are not all the same

yes they do exist, they laugh a great deal and really enjoy each other

OP- my previous 14.5 year relationship was like this. I was so lonely, bored and lacking attention and felt so unwanted and so unloved and used to think it was 'the norm'.
I've been with my new partner for just over a year, and I used to have the exact same outlook and thoughts as you ie everyone whinges and isn't happy, if they are they're lying... but since meeting my new partner, he's completely different and has shown me what true love is and feels like.
It feels amazing and it's something I never thought I'd experience, please don't settle for this, there is so much better out there, and someone will be out there who loves you and cares and will make you feel how you deserve to feel. X

I fell out of love in my long term relationship years ago but plodded on for years until last year when we split. I've always wondered how people manage to keep that spark alive and remain in love.
from what I've witnessed the vast majority of friends and family members relationships are mostly unhappy. just look at how high the divorce rates are in the UK and how common affairs are etc. although I'm sure there are many genuinely happy long term relationships out there but they do seem to be in the minority.

YABU.

Genuinely, these relationships exist. I'm in one and have been for nearly two decades. Even when we argue he's my favourite person in the world.

Please find someone who loves you deeply. Everyone deserves that.

@bluebeck I agree with the brutal honesty. I am straightforward (not in a rude way) and don’t wait for things to pile up before I speak up which I think has helped with our relationship. I also make sure I check in with DH regularly as he isn’t the kind to bring things up unless they really bother him (and for a while) and I don’t think we should wait for issues to build up.

Yes! One is so influenced by what one saw growing up. It influences the way one naturally choses to be (affectionate or distant, attentive or avoidant). My parents and my DH’s family could not be more different and I couldn’t stand my MIL but he learned the same thing I did which is that you love and care for your prime person with affection and generosity of spirit because thats the way you feel. At 92 my parents still kiss coming and going.