To want to double barrel DD’s surname?

I wouldn't change it, it's her name. I don't like double barrelled names anyways. What happens if two double barrelled people want to combine their names?

My friend had her mothers name added when she was about 8. Wasn’t a problem at all so far as I can tell. Useful for flights and so forth (less chance security will be concerned that you’re kidnapping your child apparently).

My surname was changed when I was 7.

It's been a right pain in the arse. My birth certificate matches nothing.

I was glad when I got married and could change it "legitimately" in a way that was expected.

I wouldn't change it - she can do it herself when she's 16 if she wants.

I just wanted to add it’s fine to change her name. She is as much part of you as her dad.

If you go through all the stress it’s likely you can double barrel a last name. It’s difficult to completely change it.

At this stage, I'd probably wait and let your dd decide at 16, when she won't need her dad's permission. I changed my name when I left school in this scenario, and I am rather hoping my own dd will do something similar later. But at 8, she is well established in her name and not that far from autonomy. I think you should wait and let her decide. Not worth a court battle IMO.

This

No, OP, you are not being unreasonable. The whole 'dad's name by default' thing is bloody awful.

I agree it shouldn't be the default.

I just think that once you've done it, you've done it, and shouldn't change it 8 years later (especially not with a slightly manipulative "wouldn't it be nice to have the same name as mummy?"). I'd say the same if this was a dad who originally agreed to give a child the mother's surname and 8 yrs later wanted to change it to add his.

YANBU. and I am surprised at all the people saying you are.
if she wants to change it, then it can done. I did this as a child, same circumstance.

What happens when you get married again and have another child? Does your DD then get another name added? Or is a different surname to their half-sibling.

As PP said, your circumstances have changed, not hers. If you didn’t want her to be a child of the marriage or have his family name, you shouldn’t have accepted all the benefits of marriage.

It’s also really unfair on her as she’ll have to constantly declare a name change for the rest of her life, and then make a decision on which part of the double barrel she wants to take forwards if she marries.

You made your decision. If she’s that fussed at 16 she can change it then.

Of course you've influenced her! She would never have even thought about changing her name if you hadn't raised it. You chose to only use ex's surname so I think you should just leave it as it is. You have divorced but he's still her father and it's still her name.

That is very clearly trying to influence her!

Wth

You don’t have to legally change your name to use a name. My kids legally have their dads name, but are know by my maiden name which I went back to.

If you are the parent who does 90% of the care, who books and pays for everything the child does then you can use whichever last name you like.

My kids' names are double barrel. There is nothing wrong with it. Although my third child will just have my name

YANBU

This is a really good way of putting it

YABU

Only certain types of people go with the double barrel. Do you really want to be one of them?

Don't do it to your poor child.

Thank god for your post! I was starting to fear for my sanity seeing the poll & the replies.

No, OP, you are not being unreasonable. The whole 'dad's name by default' thing is bloody awful.

A friend is in the same position - now a single mum, ex has their son once a week & is fairly useless. So she's out there working full time, being a single mum & generally just legendary whilst her own offspring carries his name! I may have suggested she sort out adding hers in...she might be doing that...

To me there is no reasonable argument against it.

I always wonder what will happen to double barrel kids when they marry

This and why women should keep their birth names.

A court will double barrel. Men make applications for this all the time.

I see why you want to but if ex husband won't agree it's a non-starter. She can change it herself when she's older if she's bothered by it

Yes I'd do this.

It sounds to me like you have influenced her by what you've said.
When I left my abusive exh I kept my married surname until I remarried. My 3 dc still have dads surname and I wouldn't dream of changing it.
Dh ex tried to do this with their child once she found out we were marrying. Having gone by her maiden name on fb since splitting with my dh she suddenly changed it to Dh surname - her maiden name. She wanted sc to do the same but they were 5 at the time and said no they did not want to change it.
If you were happy with that name at brith why should it change now.

All I’ve done is said it would be nice if she had Mummy and Daddy’s name included in her name and that then she will have the same name as Nanny and Pops (my parents) too. I don’t think I’ve unduly influenced her.

Of course her mother saying "wouldn't it be nice if you had my name in yours as well" will be influencing her.

And you cannot suddenly care about having her share the same name as your parents. She didn't before!