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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want to double barrel DD’s surname?

219 replies

FestiveGoat · 29/11/2024 18:51

ExH and I divorced 6 years ago. When DD was born we gave her our (his) surname. After divorce I reverted to my maiden name. DD is now 8 and I want to change her surname from “ExHName” to “ExHName-MyName”

AIBU?

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 29/11/2024 23:54

KoalaCalledKevin · 29/11/2024 22:38

No, OP, you are not being unreasonable. The whole 'dad's name by default' thing is bloody awful.

I agree it shouldn't be the default.

I just think that once you've done it, you've done it, and shouldn't change it 8 years later (especially not with a slightly manipulative "wouldn't it be nice to have the same name as mummy?"). I'd say the same if this was a dad who originally agreed to give a child the mother's surname and 8 yrs later wanted to change it to add his.

This.

I feel strongly that women should keep their surnames from birth (unless you really hate your surname for whatever reason, in which case change it asap to something you choose, not just if you get married) and pass on their surnames to their children.
But if you don't do that, you don't get to change your mind about it years down the line and mess around with your child's surname.

My mum changed her surname and mine when she married my stepdad... years later she divorced him 🙄 I wish she had not changed either of our surnames.

TeabySea · 29/11/2024 23:48

hazmatte · 29/11/2024 21:50

I always wonder what will happen to double barrel kids when they marry

They can keep the name they have, add another surname*, take the same surname as their spouse, or create a new surname with spouse. Exactly the same options.

*DC has a child at school who is called something like Joseph Smith-Bloggs Maclethwaite (not the real name).

coffeesaveslives · 29/11/2024 23:41

FestiveGoat · 29/11/2024 22:22

So is it likely a court would agree to double barrelling? I’m willing to do this if needs be.

Are you really willing to take your ex to court over this?

Your updates show you have tried to influence your DD by the way, because if having the same surname as "nanny and pops" was so important, you'd have given her that name from day one 🤦‍♀️

InWithThePlums · 29/11/2024 23:39

Rachel757677 · 29/11/2024 23:32

See how arseholery gets out of control quickly. Now..... When you do have a child let's hope you can get a grip of the double barrel nonsense.

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I really don’t think I’m the arsehole here, but okay.

Who knew that double barrelling could be so contentious? Grin

Rachel757677 · 29/11/2024 23:34

This reply has been deleted

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No..... I'm neither drunk nor trolling. I'm pointing out why we cannot all have double barrel names. If we did, we would all end up with very long names.

Paul2023 · 29/11/2024 23:34

If you change your daughters name back to your surname, and she gets married and takes a husband’s name , that means she’s would have had multiple different surnames.

If she applies for a job when she’s older which needs a DBS or security clearance,this will be a pain in the bum as she’ll have to explain the multiple name changes.

Rachel757677 · 29/11/2024 23:32

InWithThePlums · 29/11/2024 23:28

Odfod

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See how arseholery gets out of control quickly. Now..... When you do have a child let's hope you can get a grip of the double barrel nonsense.

InWithThePlums · 29/11/2024 23:31

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InWithThePlums · 29/11/2024 23:28

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Odfod

Rachel757677 · 29/11/2024 23:27

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Enko · 29/11/2024 23:25

If a court permits it it is more likely to be your surname-his surname so you keep his as her last used surname like she has now. Have you suggested this to your x? He may be more comfortable with that.

InWithThePlums · 29/11/2024 23:24

I prefer my system, which possibly exists nowhere.

InWithThePlums · 29/11/2024 23:23

Oh mother’s paternal name, I see.

InWithThePlums · 29/11/2024 23:22

SchoolDilemma17 · 29/11/2024 23:21

Nope.

Spaniards have a personal name(s) followed by two surnames – the father's paternal family name and then the mother's paternal family name

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Err yes, that’s what I said?

SchoolDilemma17 · 29/11/2024 23:21

InWithThePlums · 29/11/2024 23:16

It was Spain sorry!

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Nope.

Spaniards have a personal name(s) followed by two surnames – the father's paternal family name and then the mother's paternal family name

InWithThePlums · 29/11/2024 23:18

SchoolDilemma17 · 29/11/2024 23:15

🤣🤣🤣🤦🏻‍♀️

Alright no need to be a knob, it was a warm southern European country. Grin

(I have been going round telling people it was Italy though, glad I googled)

InWithThePlums · 29/11/2024 23:16

SchoolDilemma17 · 29/11/2024 23:14

No that’s not how it works in Italy at all!

Edited
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It was Spain sorry!

SchoolDilemma17 · 29/11/2024 23:15

🤣🤣🤣🤦🏻‍♀️

InWithThePlums · 29/11/2024 23:14

SchoolDilemma17 · 29/11/2024 23:14

No that’s not how it works in Italy at all!

Edited
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Somewhere else then!

SchoolDilemma17 · 29/11/2024 23:14

InWithThePlums · 29/11/2024 23:13

The woman takes uses their mothers surname and the man uses their fathers. That’s how it works in Italy I think.

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No that’s not how it works in Italy at all!

OneBlackHeart · 29/11/2024 23:14

I have this with one of my children. I've found I'm ok with it now because I think if it as her name. I do think it's unreasonable to change a child's name once they have it and know it

InWithThePlums · 29/11/2024 23:13

ClassicalQueen · 29/11/2024 23:07

I wouldn't change it, it's her name. I don't like double barrelled names anyways. What happens if two double barrelled people want to combine their names?

The woman takes uses their mothers surname and the man uses their fathers. That’s how it works in Italy I think.

InWithThePlums · 29/11/2024 23:11

Rachel757677 · 29/11/2024 22:00

YABU

Only certain types of people go with the double barrel. Do you really want to be one of them?

Don't do it to your poor child.

Edited

I have a double barrelled surname, I really want to know why this made me a “poor child”?

My parents never married and still have their original names so that’s why they did it.

SchoolDilemma17 · 29/11/2024 23:09

FestiveGoat · 29/11/2024 22:22

So is it likely a court would agree to double barrelling? I’m willing to do this if needs be.

This is the route you want to go? With the person you need to co-parent with? I feel even if you win a court case (how much would that cost you?) is it worth it? Is this the hill to die on now?

Dobest · 29/11/2024 23:09

Concocting hyphenated names is very naff, I'm afraid.

Your child will find i'm not the only person who thinks this.

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