To want to double barrel DD’s surname?

That’s your kids. Everyone I know with a double-barrelled name, myself included, use the last part for daily life. Of course you need the full name when booking a holiday - it has to match your passport! It comes under the definition of official paperwork.

Do you seriously give your full name when you drop your dry cleaning off or to book a restaurant?

My experience is that most people lose their shit when you use both names - they need smith and jones spelt out for them and sometimes even ask if that’s one person or two.

Maybe it makes a difference if you have a blended name from from both parents as it’s more of a statement than if you inherit a DB name from one parent.

If you hadn't suggested it would she have brought it up?
As for nanny and pops and their name, would that even have been on her radar? Does she even use their surname? Does she have another set of grandparents? Does she not already share their name?
Can pretty much guarantee most kids won't even register GP surname they'll be nanny Carol and Grandad Jim.

@DonutRings

Raises some uncomfortable questions about how we see names and identity and, yes, 'ownership'...

It's extremely uncomfortable. As a site dominated by women there are always lots of awful things on here that reflect how bad life for us can be but this, somehow, really underlines our value. It seems so innocuous, but it really really isn't at all.

Years ago I use to take the piss out of double-barrelled names cos it was very much a 'posh' thing, not something you'd come across on my council estate. But now? Now I get it.

"It's much more hassle to change a surname at 16 than at 6."

Actually it's the opposite. At 6, you need the consent of everyone with PR, and if they don't consent you have to go to court. At 16, it's the young person themselves who chooses and can easily change it by deed poll.

"why is it absolutely fine at marriage age when you’ve had 20 odd more years of certificates, driving licence, IDs, P45s etc?"

It's not fine at marriage age, which is why I think women shouldn't change their surnames when they get married.

If a woman does want to change the surname she was given at birth, perhaps because it's the surname of an absent or abusive father, she can do it at 16 and doesn't have to wait until she gets married (if she gets married).

I don't think 16 is too late. You can still get your first driving licence and your post-16 qualifications all with the surname you choose.

Just do it now. I've a friend who was in the same situation and didn't change her daughter's name only for the daughter to do it herself at 16. It's much more hassle to change a surname at 16 than at 6. Also it's important for girls to grow up understanding that men's rights and wishes don't automatically trump women's.

Oh come on. Firmly established? She’s 8. The most she has is a passport, library card and it’s on her medical & school registration.

All of those can be changed with a simple form.

How often will she be called by her full name in school? Her current teacher might forget the new version but when she moves school year, the new teacher will only know her as ‘Smith Jones’.

Kids hardly go around calling each other by their full name much, do they? And she can correct them until they remember.

If it is ‘too late’ at 8, why is it absolutely fine at marriage age when you’ve had 20 odd more years of certificates, driving licence, IDs, P45s etc?

Go to court, get permission, don’t lose the document. Simple.

@FestiveGoat

I would go for it. Your daughter is part of both families and if it matters to you and her that your family name is represented in hers, there is a simple way to make that happen.

Women are conditioned by patriarchal social norms to change their name to the husband’s and give that to their kids - it’s a hangover from when women could not exist as independent entities.

You have made a brave and difficult step in becoming single, and it’s absolutely fine to change your mind about some of the social pressure you succumbed to previously.

Ignore those saying you’ve influenced her - they are missing the key word ‘unduly’. You have discussed it, she wants to do it and if she’s anything like mine at 8, she knows her own mind.

Anything any of us can do to destroy all remnants of a society where women are possessions is a good thing. I hope you also talk to her about why this tradition is a shit one.

Don't be daft.

It's commonly agreed, I know people who've done it. Be a shame for your XH to be enough of a twat to force the issue, but it would be his fault were it to come to that.

Would you care to elaborate on what "type of people" this would be? I'm keen to see if my partner and I fit into your (presumably) ridiculous stereotype of people that would choose to do this!

OP, I really dislike saying this as I am a firm supporter of people who want both their surnames for their child's (mine does too), but I do think it's too late to do this now, at 8 her surname is firmly established and it would be unfair to amend all of her legal documentation, make family, friends, teachers, professionals aware that they now have to use another surname. As others have said it might just be a case of waiting until she's 16 and seeing how strongly she feels about it then and if it's something she'd like to pursue. In the meantime I know it's not the same but could you just use both surnames informally within your family?

My mum did this with me and I didn't like having a double barrelled surname.

How sad that you would rather restrict choice in choosing simpler names than insist on higher standards. Modern communication is far more likely to be written these days - online forms and emails superseding someone at a counter taking it down from you etc.

Why not expect excellence? Correct spelling? The ability to create patterns without being forced into a mindset that X+ Y = X Y

Double-barrelled names are pretentious unless it's been in your family for about 1200 years and you own a county

Incorrect. My kids have 2 surnames (not hyphenated) and both are used on all documents and in school etc. They are ‘Smith Jones’ not ‘Jones’ ever. What sometimes happens (particularly on BA for some reason) is that on forms it ends up as Smithjones but I think that’s a quirk of the programming.

Why?

It's not nonsense at all

It’s not that hard - we simply chose one of the 2 surnames to keep and combine with the other (which was single). What’s the alternative? Buy into an horrific patriarchal tradition that comes from women being chattel? Just because dim witted people can’t see how to create patterns without simple addition?

No thanks.

Kids are a little bit of each family combined, not property of the father.

OP I'm in exactly the same situation as you.

I'm so angry with myself that I just blithely put his name on the birth certificate.

At 16 the child can choose for themselves. I'm hoping she might.

To be clear, I don't want to get rid of his surname, just add mine.

Have you ever met anyone like this?

You haven’t, because you know it’s not what people do. Not in this country, or in any of the countries in which it is the norm to have both parents names.

You know this, as does everyone who posts this exact same ‘GOTCHA’ on every thread in which double-barrelling is mentioned, yet you can continue to post this nonsense.

Someone is certainly being very stupid.

Oh you absolutely have influenced her. Please own it

If you remarry, would you change her surname again?

Her name is an important part of her personal identity. If she wants to change it, leave her to do it herself ehen she's older

Yanbu. I wasn't allowed to do it officially as the law sides with absent fathers on this. I was fed up with being called the wrong surname.
Every school and activity double barreled their names though. Passports and exams are in their official dads surname.

You do seem to be very against double barrelled names!!

Surely anyone can be called anything they want once they reach adulthood

I have an "arsehole" surname, according to your perspective... It was not from joining two families... My dad was double barrelled as was his family going back generations...

The second part of my barrell is one of the most common surnames in Uk... If I dropped the barrell I would be "J Brown' (not the name) , which cna be confused with. all the other J Browns.

A friend with a common surname almost had wrong surgery as there was someone else with the same name, similar birthdate living in same town... Think something like Sarah Smith...

Because when she gets married it will be her choice what she calls herself. Her parents have already had one go

Very surprised by the general tone of these posts. For the people saying that the child's circumstances haven't changed - yes they have! When she was born she shared a name with both of her parents. Now she doesn't. That's a pretty big change when it comes to the idea of naming and belonging.
In terms of inheriting double-barrels - I actually live in a country where it's common to have 4 surnames (2 from the mother, 2 from the father). I've seen 6 before. The parents can choose which combination of names to pass on to their children. I'm not fully advocating for this system because it can sometimes become ridiculous, but it shows that naming customs don't have to be as rigid as many on here believe.
Going to court does seem like a nuclear option unfortunately. Though. I hope too can resolve it in a less contentious way OP.