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AIBU?

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Original poster

To find this off-putting - literacy

295 replies

StrawberryDream24 · 29/11/2024 13:06

Started seeing a man (he's mid 40s). Having met him through a sports club (unlike OLD) there was no messaging, other than brief texts, before we started dating.

It's increasingly becoming clear that he has literacy issues

He has not worked in roles that demanded good literacy.

He seems to prefer calling, I'm starting to think the literacy is the main reason why.

Aibu to find this off putting?

Would many people feel the same way?

OP posts:
RB68 · 29/11/2024 16:36

teach him to voice note - treat it as if its dyslexia and it becomes less of an issue, find ways round it

Dweetfidilove · 29/11/2024 16:36

Mirabai · 29/11/2024 14:40

You’re saying you would pass up a man who is potentially genuine, kind, loving, faithful and an endless list of good qualities because he has a hard time spelling is literally insane.

No it’s not. That sets the bar very low. You can have genuine, kind loving faithful and clever man.

Thank you!

Shiningout · 29/11/2024 16:36

Yeah it is a bit wierd how op is posting and then having to edit spelling and gammer afterwards for most of the posts 😂🤣

SwanRivers · 29/11/2024 16:33

Loloj · 29/11/2024 16:30

Surely it would be ironic if she didn’t make the corrections and left a load of spelling and grammatical errors in 10 out of her 14 posts?

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If she cared that much, she wouldn't have fucked up 10 out of 14 posts in the first place.

1 or 2 maybe but come on, not 10!

Dweetfidilove · 29/11/2024 16:31

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 29/11/2024 13:34

@StrawberryDream24 I actually read facebook and must admit I sometimes have great difficulty understanding what people are writing!! the word "finna" absolutely perplexes me! no idea what they are trying to say at all! if someone on here knows, can they please tell me?

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I have family in America and they got so pissed with me saying 'huhhh', cos I hadn't a clue what they were on about.

Apparently 'finna' is a replacement for 'gonna'. Makes them sound fully dunce, but 🤷🏾‍♀️.

Loloj · 29/11/2024 16:30

SwanRivers · 29/11/2024 16:24

10 out of 14 times? 🤦‍♀️

No, that's definitely ironic 😁

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Surely it would be ironic if she didn’t make the corrections and left a load of spelling and grammatical errors in 10 out of her 14 posts?

SwanRivers · 29/11/2024 16:24

Loloj · 29/11/2024 16:23

No I don’t think it is ironic. She is clearly able to see that she had made an error and has corrected it

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10 out of 14 times? 🤦‍♀️

No, that's definitely ironic 😁

DaringLion · 29/11/2024 16:23

Let’s hope these highly educated women on here who are only looking for a highly educated man never have a dyslexic child

TheFunHare · 29/11/2024 16:23

Wow..some of the posters on here really show a horrible intellectual snobbishness. Being dyslexic does not make you stupid or uneducated. And the irony is you wonder why he is defensive about it when he gets this reaction.

Loloj · 29/11/2024 16:23

SwanRivers · 29/11/2024 16:16

Anyone else think it's ironic that the OP has made 14 posts on this thread, and had to edit 10 of them? 🤦‍♀️😂

No I don’t think it is ironic. She is clearly able to see that she had made an error and has corrected it

Dweetfidilove · 29/11/2024 16:22

He's not a bad person and you're not unreasonable.

I couldn't date someone who is barely literate anymore than I can tolerate the ridiculous shit that comes out of my nephews' mouths sometimes. I just stare at them blankly until they repeat what they're saying in a sensible manner. I'd probably be mean to do that in a relationship, so it wouldn't be for me. 🤷🏾‍♀️

DanceMoveGrooveAndShoutIt · 29/11/2024 16:20

SwanRivers · 29/11/2024 16:16

Anyone else think it's ironic that the OP has made 14 posts on this thread, and had to edit 10 of them? 🤦‍♀️😂

How is it ironic that a person complaining about lack of care in communicating clearly is trying to improve the clarity of her communication? That seems entirely consistent.

SwanRivers · 29/11/2024 16:17

X posted with @Wolfpa!

SwanRivers · 29/11/2024 16:16

Anyone else think it's ironic that the OP has made 14 posts on this thread, and had to edit 10 of them? 🤦‍♀️😂

TwistedWonder · 29/11/2024 16:14

YANBU. I had a brief attempt at OLD and one of the biggest dealbreakers for me was poor communication. Some of the spelling and grammar from middle aged men was shocking.
I remember getting messages that I had to read several times to try and figure out what on earth they were trying to say.

You're allowed to have any dealbreaker you choose with someone you’re dating. It’s a personal thing.

Wolfpa · 29/11/2024 16:12

It is ironic that the majority of your posts have been edited due to spelling and grammatical errors.

depending on why someone was illiterate I probably wouldn’t date them, I love discussing a good book.

as far as the mansplaining goes I don’t think you understand the definition of what it is.

ThatTealViewer · 29/11/2024 16:08

StrawberryDream24 · 29/11/2024 16:04

I used the word mansplaining because he was explaining something to me that was obvious and did not need explained ...... if his texts had been legible.

He was explaining it as though I was too slow or obtuse to have understood what he was referring, (ignoring the fact that I would have understood perfectly if I could have read his messages).

It was for that reason that I felt it fell within the realm of mansplaining

Edited
Show quote history

I don’t think that’s technically mansplaining. But, that really doesn’t matter. It’s still isn’t an acceptable way to speak to you.

I do not like this man. Boo to him. Boo!

mrsjoyfulprizeforraffiawork · 29/11/2024 16:07

I have worked with several dyslexic people and currently work regularly for a dyslexic doctor. None of them can "learn" how not to be AFAIK and it is a great handicap to them and a source of embarrassment. We never actually use the word but they do sometimes ask me how to spell things. I don't think checking in a dictionary etc would work because what their eyes see written down is sometimes a quite different spelling from what is actually there.

Original poster
StrawberryDream24 · 29/11/2024 16:04

Thispupsgottofly · 29/11/2024 14:18

Does he come across as unintelligent in general or just in written form?
I feel like that is the crux of the issue.
Mansplaining is usually used when a man explains something to you presuming you wouldn't know it because you're just some idiot woman but in fact you do fully understand it. It doesn't sound like he was mansplaining as you have already said you didn't know what he was talking about.

I used the word mansplaining because he was explaining something to me that was obvious and did not need explained ...... if his texts had been legible.

He was explaining it as though I was too slow or obtuse to have understood what he was referring, (ignoring the fact that I would have understood perfectly if I could have read his messages).

It was for that reason that I felt it fell within the realm of mansplaining

OP posts:
NoahsTortoise · 29/11/2024 15:53

I would definitely find it off-putting if he is being a twat to you about not understanding what he's written, instead of just saying "Sorry, my spelling isn't great" or letting you know he's dyslexic etc.

MrsTigerface · 29/11/2024 15:38

The lack of literacy would put me off, yes.

However, what would really put me off would be him ringing to mansplain his text, in a way which implied that I was the one who was a bit dim.

It sounds to me like he is fully aware of his literacy issues, is probably a bit embarrassed by this on the quiet, and that he goes on the offensive when challenged, by attempting to make you, who can’t work out what on earth he is trying to say, feel like the one with the problem, and not him.

Original poster
StrawberryDream24 · 29/11/2024 15:36

EatingHealthy · 29/11/2024 14:41

Regardless of how you feel about his spelling etc, it's the way he responded that I'd have a problem with. He sounds like a dick for getting uppity about you not understanding his message. We ALL have shortcomings, I find it deeply unattractive when people cannot accept theirs. IME it goes hand in hand with never being able to accept you're in the wrong.

(Unless of course you'd been rude in communicating that you didn't understand his message, in which case you probably deserved his response).

No, I was just asking questions because I didn't understand what he'd written.
Then he rang me.

He tends to call rather than message, I'm starting to think this is why.

OP posts:
Irridescantshimmmer · 29/11/2024 15:31

Don't pressure him to send you txts, just accept he prefers to call then in the future, when and if he feels comfortable with you he may open up but if you continue to pressure him into revealing the reasons for the illegible txt, it could be like rubbing salt on his wounds.

isthesolution · 29/11/2024 15:29

Ask him to send voice notes instead?!

It really annoys me when people spell things inaccurately because I know the effort I go to all the time to check spellings (I'm a highly functioning dyslexic and spell check words numerous times a day to compensate for this)

Lack of basic grammar, on the other hand, isn't easy to hide - you know the rules or you don't.

LoveSandbanks · 29/11/2024 15:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I don’t think she’s being mean or judgemental at all. My husband is slightly dyslexic and my youngest son severely so. Neither of them get exasperated when I can’t understand what they’re trying to write.

I would be put off by literacy issues but being exasperated/annoyed that I couldn’t understand their crap spelling would really wind me up.