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AIBU?

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Original poster

To find this off-putting - literacy

295 replies

StrawberryDream24 · 29/11/2024 13:06

Started seeing a man (he's mid 40s). Having met him through a sports club (unlike OLD) there was no messaging, other than brief texts, before we started dating.

It's increasingly becoming clear that he has literacy issues

He has not worked in roles that demanded good literacy.

He seems to prefer calling, I'm starting to think the literacy is the main reason why.

Aibu to find this off putting?

Would many people feel the same way?

OP posts:
rayofsunshine86 · 29/11/2024 18:08

It would put me off, I'm afraid. Sorry lovely man.

Original poster
StrawberryDream24 · 29/11/2024 18:00

I grew up with only semi-literate parents. I taught my mum to read when I was 11 or 12. I’ve taught literacy in prisons as a volunteer

You sound like a pretty amazing person @Mattins

OP posts:
EmotionalSupportShotgun · 29/11/2024 17:55

I couldn't tolerate it.

TheShellBeach · 29/11/2024 17:47

StrawberryDream24 · 29/11/2024 17:26

I found the same on OLD.

I found it a turn off.

I'm discovering this about him after quite a few dates (because we met in person).

Show quote history

Hi there.

I've found that the general standard of literacy in this country has dropped to a very low level over the years.

Even teachers can't seem to construct sentences accurately (or spell).

My DH and I were together for about six weeks when I realised that he was dyslexic. It hadn't been picked up during his school years.

This may be the problem with your new beau - or possibly, he's just part of the generation of people who simply weren't taught about syntax, grammar and spelling.

Having said that, if this man has other sterling qualities, I'd be tempted to overlook this failing.

Do your political views coincide? What about worldview in general? Women's rights?

Does he make you laugh? Is he kind and generous?

What is he like in bed, if you've got that far?

Sunholidays · 29/11/2024 17:45

StrawberryDream24 · 29/11/2024 17:28

Lol.

My autocorrect is bizarre.

I'm also generally typing fast, while putting peanut butter on something, while answering a WhatsApp, while wiping the worktop (cause of the peanut butter), while having a conversation etc.

Show quote history

Could this be happening to him too?

nadine90 · 29/11/2024 17:42

You're allowed to be put off by anything in someone you are dating. And the things you find mildly irritating early on are likely to become infuriating later. It wouldn't be right to be unkind towards him because of it, but if it makes you fancy him less then that can't be helped.

Thispupsgottofly · 29/11/2024 17:42

StrawberryDream24 · 29/11/2024 17:21

I don't know.

He waxes lyrical about his shrewdness and business acumen (particularly in contrast to his sister & bil); but I increasingly feel like he's overcompensating; because he's got literacy issues.

He's starting to give me "university of life" type vibes.

Show quote history

Hmmm
He is sounding less and less appealing tbh.

BobbyBiscuits · 29/11/2024 17:41

If he's not needed high literacy in his profession then it could be he's dyslexic or other mild learning issue that's undiagnosed. He could've been kind of masking it for many years.
If he seems intelligent emotionally, practically etc. the things he says are measured, considered, interesting, witty, insightful? Then being amazing at spelling and grammar etc wouldn't bother me a huge amount.
I certainly wouldn't raise it with him as some people feel deep shame about their lack of literacy. It often does effect men aged 40 plus as the state school system wasn't well equipped for even mild SEN back in the day.
If that's the only negative about him then I'd say it's not an issue.

MWNA · 29/11/2024 17:36

I'd find this very off-putting indeed.
No thank you.

Berlinlover · 29/11/2024 17:34

I’d run a mile to be honest. Bad spelling is such a turn off.

SoloSofa24 · 29/11/2024 17:33

StrawberryDream24 · 29/11/2024 17:21

I don't know.

He waxes lyrical about his shrewdness and business acumen (particularly in contrast to his sister & bil); but I increasingly feel like he's overcompensating; because he's got literacy issues.

He's starting to give me "university of life" type vibes.

Show quote history

So he is boastful and insecure - he's sounding less and less appealing, no matter what lies behind his garbled texts.

Original poster
StrawberryDream24 · 29/11/2024 17:28

TwistedWonder · 29/11/2024 17:23

I edit a lot of my posts often because I post too quick and want to say something else or damn predictive text decides I want to post a totally different word - even on this post it changed damn to Danny 🤣

Show quote history

Lol.

My autocorrect is bizarre.

I'm also generally typing fast, while putting peanut butter on something, while answering a WhatsApp, while wiping the worktop (cause of the peanut butter), while having a conversation etc.

OP posts:
GreenWheat · 29/11/2024 17:27

When it comes to dating, you can be put off by whatever you want. It doesn't have to be rational and nor do others have to agree with you. If it bothers you now, it won't improve over time, so I would move on. I would also be bothered by it.

Original poster
StrawberryDream24 · 29/11/2024 17:26

TwistedWonder · 29/11/2024 16:14

YANBU. I had a brief attempt at OLD and one of the biggest dealbreakers for me was poor communication. Some of the spelling and grammar from middle aged men was shocking.
I remember getting messages that I had to read several times to try and figure out what on earth they were trying to say.

You're allowed to have any dealbreaker you choose with someone you’re dating. It’s a personal thing.

I found the same on OLD.

I found it a turn off.

I'm discovering this about him after quite a few dates (because we met in person).

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 29/11/2024 17:23

StrawberryDream24 · 29/11/2024 17:00

They weren't spelling errors.

You don't seriously think most errors on this forum are spelling errors (due to the poster not knowing how to spell that word correctly), do you?

I don't assume that, I have to wonder why you do.

Edited
Show quote history

I edit a lot of my posts often because I post too quick and want to say something else or damn predictive text decides I want to post a totally different word - even on this post it changed damn to Danny 🤣

SleepToad · 29/11/2024 17:22

Knowing several people, including my own father, who were completely illiterate I think you have every right to be put off...but if I can get you to think of something.

When my father died I received about 100 sympathy cards. With people telling of the good things he'd done. How they knew they only had food on the table because dad had given their mum credit.

One card had a blank envelope, inside scrawled in childish uneven letters it said "To young Toad, from xxxx" that man put aside any embarrassment, any pride and showed his lack of education because he felt it important to pass on his condolences.

This chap is texting you like you want. He knows he has issues but is putting himself out there for you

Original poster
StrawberryDream24 · 29/11/2024 17:21

Thispupsgottofly · 29/11/2024 17:13

Ok, thanks for clarifying. I do get what you mean.
That is more of a red flag but I guess he could be defensive if this is an issue he is sensitive about.

But essentially do you think he is not very clever?
Or do you think he just has an issue with being literate eg. dyslexia?

I think most people, me included, prefer to date/have a relationship with people who are of the same intellect or similar. So if it is that you just think you are mismatched on this, that is fair enough.

Show quote history

I don't know.

He waxes lyrical about his shrewdness and business acumen (particularly in contrast to his sister & bil); but I increasingly feel like he's overcompensating; because he's got literacy issues.

He's starting to give me "university of life" type vibes.

OP posts:
Thispupsgottofly · 29/11/2024 17:13

StrawberryDream24 · 29/11/2024 16:04

I used the word mansplaining because he was explaining something to me that was obvious and did not need explained ...... if his texts had been legible.

He was explaining it as though I was too slow or obtuse to have understood what he was referring, (ignoring the fact that I would have understood perfectly if I could have read his messages).

It was for that reason that I felt it fell within the realm of mansplaining

Edited
Show quote history

Ok, thanks for clarifying. I do get what you mean.
That is more of a red flag but I guess he could be defensive if this is an issue he is sensitive about.

But essentially do you think he is not very clever?
Or do you think he just has an issue with being literate eg. dyslexia?

I think most people, me included, prefer to date/have a relationship with people who are of the same intellect or similar. So if it is that you just think you are mismatched on this, that is fair enough.

Loloj · 29/11/2024 17:11

SwanRivers · 29/11/2024 16:33

If she cared that much, she wouldn't have fucked up 10 out of 14 posts in the first place.

1 or 2 maybe but come on, not 10!

Show quote history

You don’t even know that she edited due to errors on all of the posts - maybe she added a sentence or edited the wording? It’s a bit bizarre that you counted all of the OP’s posts and then counted how many were edited in an attempt to “catch out” the OP.

Original poster
StrawberryDream24 · 29/11/2024 17:08

Shiningout · 29/11/2024 16:36

Yeah it is a bit wierd how op is posting and then having to edit spelling and gammer afterwards for most of the posts 😂🤣

Wierd.

Gammer

OP posts:
Original poster
StrawberryDream24 · 29/11/2024 17:00

Pogggle · 29/11/2024 14:57

You can't help what you find off putting. However, you have had to edit almost every single post you've made so far due to spelling errors. Maybe he would do the same if he had that option with his text messages

They weren't spelling errors.

You don't seriously think most errors on this forum are spelling errors (due to the poster not knowing how to spell that word correctly), do you?

I don't assume that, I have to wonder why you do.

OP posts:
DanceMoveGrooveAndShoutIt · 29/11/2024 16:53

TheFunHare · 29/11/2024 16:23

Wow..some of the posters on here really show a horrible intellectual snobbishness. Being dyslexic does not make you stupid or uneducated. And the irony is you wonder why he is defensive about it when he gets this reaction.

The reaction is asking what he meant. Why would you get defensive about being asked to clarify a message? Would you prefer they just ignored it or guessed at what you meant?

rockstep · 29/11/2024 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Are you actually for real? 😦

HooMoo · 29/11/2024 16:43

Depends how much of a big deal it is to you.

My husband was a bit like this to an extent when we met a classic one was “quier” which he followed up with “you know a church quier” he meant choir! I do think he has undiagnosed dyslexia though as he often reads things but says a different word to what is there.

99point6 · 29/11/2024 16:42

Post in relationships next time maybe.
Is it just writing or reading as well? I would find it very limiting to be with anyone long term that couldn't read either. General incompatibility. Toss him back.