Page 11 | To find this off-putting - literacy

StrawberryDream24 · 2024-11-29T13:06:26+00:00

Started seeing a man (he's mid 40s). Having met him through a sports club (unlike OLD) there was no messaging, other than brief texts, before we started dating. It's increasingly becoming clear that he has literacy issues He has not worked in roles that demanded good literacy. He seems to prefer calling, I'm starting to think the literacy is the main reason why. Aibu to find this off putting? Would many people feel the same way?

Original poster

StrawberryDream24 · 29/11/2024 13:40

midgetastic · 29/11/2024 13:37

Your written communication skills are not totally great either

Your original post only talked only about literacy issues which you have now changed to mansplaining issues

This feels like you either did a very poor first post ( the irony ) or you are backpedaling a little

You can go off anyone for any reason but simple literacy difficulties seems a minor problem in an otherwise attractive, nice, good, intelligent man

I posted two "op" posts.

The second issue was outlined in the second post.

OP posts:

Original poster

StrawberryDream24 · 29/11/2024 13:38

@Tunnocksmallow

You have got completely and utterly the wrong end of the stick.

I have already answered a poster who has accused me of finding literacy issues "funny", at length.

I DO NOT FIND HIS LITERACY PROBLEMS FUNNY. I NEVER SAID I DID.

I'm not repeating this ad nauseum because of the Chinese whispers nature of this forum.

OP posts:

midgetastic · 29/11/2024 13:37

Your written communication skills are not totally great either

Your original post only talked only about literacy issues which you have now changed to mansplaining issues

This feels like you either did a very poor first post ( the irony ) or you are backpedaling a little

You can go off anyone for any reason but simple literacy difficulties seems a minor problem in an otherwise attractive, nice, good, intelligent man

SwanRivers · 29/11/2024 13:36

StrawberryDream24 · 29/11/2024 13:27

If you read my posts, you would see that I said I found him mansplaining his garbled, misspelled message to me "funny and not in a good way".

Not his literacy issues.

I do not find his literacy issues funny and never once said I did.

And by "almost funny and not in a good way" I meant ironic/farcical.

But reading and understanding someone's posts wouldn't afford you the opportunity to manufacture outrage and give someone a telling off, would it?

So I can see why you don't want to read or understand someone's posts.

Edited

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You didn't mention mansplaining at all?

Plus he wasn't mansplaining anyway 🤷‍♂️

You're within your rights to be put off about anything in a relationship, but you do come across as quite sneery about his poor literacy.

So if someone with a speech impediment got frustrated that you didn't understand them, would you find the funny too?

JustinThyme · 29/11/2024 13:35

All sorts of things can put you off a person, it doesn't have to be rational. So YANBU to find both his literacy issues and the mansplaining phonecalls reasons to not fancy him.

I had a friend who dropped a prospective date because he wrote "could of" rather than "could have" and I didn't blame her. Another bailed because the profile pic was cleanshaven but he'd since grown a beard and she hates those.

It's perfectly OK to have preferences.

BunnyLake · 29/11/2024 13:35

I wouldn’t be bothered by bad spelling and grammar (my ex is a ‘high flyer’ yet his written word is terrible). I would be put off by bad speech though.

Original poster

StrawberryDream24 · 29/11/2024 13:34

MiraculousLadybug · 29/11/2024 13:32

OP you've found yourself in the midst of a self-righteous pile-on by posters who would never countenance dating this person IRL.
Most educated women wouldn't date a man who is barely literate. If it bothers him he could take any of the billions of free classes up and down the country at any adult education centre and upskill himself. It was very clear from your OP that this is beyond dyslexia/the occasional typo.

You're right.

Typical Aibu

I forgot that for Aibu to be useful you have to just ignore the usual suspect posters.

OP posts:

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 29/11/2024 13:34

@StrawberryDream24 I actually read facebook and must admit I sometimes have great difficulty understanding what people are writing!! the word "finna" absolutely perplexes me! no idea what they are trying to say at all! if someone on here knows, can they please tell me?

Tunnocksmallow · 29/11/2024 13:34

Do him a favour and kindly finish seeing him.
if you find it funny that he has problem with literacy, then what else will you find funny?

And no, you can’t say you would find it hilarious if the shoe was on the other foot, because you haven’t lived that experience. The day in, day out of struggling with what others find easy. Other people laughing at you since childhood. People calling you thick, and all the other things people with literacy problems get labelled with. It would chip away at you everyday, and to have someone you’re seeing, who you are trying to open up to with a potential relationship, laugh about one of your biggest insecurities, is soul destroying.
How do I know? Because I see the battle my 25 year old autistic, severely dyslexic daughter goes through everyday, and it breaks my heart to know people laugh at her because of something she can’t possibly help.

Take a look at how this post has come across.

No, you can’t help how you feel, but be kinder with it.

Original poster

StrawberryDream24 · 29/11/2024 13:32

BatshitIsTheOnlyExplanation · 29/11/2024 13:29

OP, could you really not understand his misspelled message or were you choosing not to?

No.

You often have to read his messages like you're reading an Irvine Welsh novel to grasp what the words are.

But thanks for another accusation.

OP posts:

MiraculousLadybug · 29/11/2024 13:32

OP you've found yourself in the midst of a self-righteous pile-on by posters who would never countenance dating this person IRL.
Most educated women wouldn't date a man who is barely literate. If it bothers him he could take any of the billions of free classes up and down the country at any adult education centre and upskill himself. It was very clear from your OP that this is beyond dyslexia/the occasional typo.

Original poster

StrawberryDream24 · 29/11/2024 13:31

araiwa · 29/11/2024 13:30

I couldn't be with someone who misuses words such as 'mansplaining'

It's not misused.

I was there, I was the recipient, I know exactly what he said and how he said it.

It was mansplaining.

OP posts:

araiwa · 29/11/2024 13:30

I couldn't be with someone who misuses words such as 'mansplaining'

BatshitIsTheOnlyExplanation · 29/11/2024 13:29

OP, could you really not understand his misspelled message or were you choosing not to?

Original poster

StrawberryDream24 · 29/11/2024 13:27

SwanRivers · 29/11/2024 13:23

You're just guessing though.

You have no idea what it's like to have so much difficulty in communicating, therefore you have no idea how you'd react if people have struggled to understand your written words your whole life.

Do you also find people whose speech is hindered hilarious?

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If you read my posts, you would see that I said I found him mansplaining his garbled, misspelled message to me "funny and not in a good way".

Not his literacy issues.

I do not find his literacy issues funny and never once said I did.

And by "almost funny and not in a good way" I meant ironic/farcical.

But reading and understanding someone's posts wouldn't afford you the opportunity to manufacture outrage and give someone a telling off, would it?

So I can see why you don't want to read or understand someone's posts.

OP posts:

Tuhlula · 29/11/2024 13:26

StrawberryDream24 · 29/11/2024 13:18

Ironically it appears to be him who's getting irritated with me for not immediately understanding his misspelled messages.

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It's sounds like you're not compatible.

Time40 · 29/11/2024 13:25

The way he "explained" his message is even more off-putting than his problems with the written word.

LividBaubles · 29/11/2024 13:25

God, no.

You need to be on a level.

This would be an instant no from me.

Londoneye20 · 29/11/2024 13:24

If dyslexia no wouldn't put me off

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 29/11/2024 13:23

StrawberryDream24 · 29/11/2024 13:15

Where did I say it made him a bad guy?

I actually purposefully stated he has good qualities.

The Aibu is not "is he a bad guy because he has literacy issues", "it's; Aibu to find this off-putting?".

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This is not about being reasonable or unreasonable.
It would be unreasonable to refuse to chat politely with him at a party or to serve him in a shop because of his problems with the written word, but nobody is obliged to go out with anyone if they don't want to. You don't have to justify your reasons.
But you might be missing out if he's a lovely guy who would otherwise suit you.

SwanRivers · 29/11/2024 13:23

StrawberryDream24 · 29/11/2024 13:20

No, I would find it funny.

Nor would I phone the recipient of my message and "explain" what I'd written in a slow, exaggerated, exasperated manner ...as if they are obtuse etc.

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You're just guessing though.

You have no idea what it's like to have so much difficulty in communicating, therefore you have no idea how you'd react if people have struggled to understand your written words your whole life.

Do you also find people whose speech is hindered hilarious?

DaringLion · 29/11/2024 13:22

StrawberryDream24 · 29/11/2024 13:15

Where did I say it made him a bad guy?

I actually purposefully stated he has good qualities.

The Aibu is not "is he a bad guy because he has literacy issues", "it's; Aibu to find this off-putting?".

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Apologies for the bad guy comment .But if your finding it off putting maybe he’s not for you maybe he is dyslexic maybe he didn’t go to school but surely the good qualities could outweigh this

itsmylife7 · 29/11/2024 13:22

Just ask him if he's dyslexic .

Original poster

StrawberryDream24 · 29/11/2024 13:21

SwanRivers · 29/11/2024 13:19

Well that's a bit of a silly question really because if everyone here said "YABU", it's not going to change the fact you find it off-putting, is it?

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You don't really get the point of opinions/a poll on a forum, do you?

Which is a bit odd for someone who is participating on an opinion poll thread in a forum.

OP posts:

KoalaCalledKevin · 29/11/2024 13:20

You're dating him, you can be put off for any reason you like.

Every one will have things about them that some other people will find to be off putting or a deal breaker. He's not for you, it's fine.