To be a bit annoyed to be told to ‘be the parent’?

She's not though. It's not like she's going and then as soon as her DD screams letting her out. There's no reinforcement of bad behaviour by not going and it doesn't sound like OP is particularly missing out by not going.

Letting the 18 month old ‘be boss’ would be going, then either letting them run amok out of the buggy or keeping them in the buggy and listening to them shriek and wail the whole time. Both options would likely impact the experience for others.

Parenting is realising that some events just aren’t appropriate for your child given their stage of development. An 18 month old doesn’t have the cognition to realise an event isn’t happening because of their dislike of the buggy!

If it's an outing for children and your child will hate it because they're in the pushchair the whole time then obviously don't go

Your not obliged to go to a local event. And your DD isn't being the boss, she won't know you aren't going to the event because she hates being in the pushchair, you aren't reinforcing bad behaviour by not going.

YANBU per se, but I agree with your friend that it's a slippery slope. You take the pushchair and a rein. She can walk, but when she's tired, pushchair it is.

My 16yo was like that at that age. Your friend has clearly not had a determined little back archer who will shriek. My DS sat happily. My dd hated going in the buggy and did as your dd does.

Children are different and need different parenting accordingly. It' s not giving in to the behaviour if the OP avoids the event. It's avoiding a problem.

I'd avoid it as well.

It’s irrelevant though because the 18 month old isn’t being the boss. The parent preempting the behaviour of their child and not allowing it to get to that point in the first place is very clearly a demonstration of a parent being in charge.

I'm with your friend.
Not about the activity.
But about letting your DD dictate about the pushchair

YANBU. It can be a real struggle trying to keep some of them in a pram / pushchair. But it’s a relatively short phase, it’s over before you know it (though it doesn’t feel like it at the time) and it doesn’t mean you are a walk over about everything or will never make them do anything they don’t want to. It can be a hard stage because there’s no reasoning with them.
Saying “be the parent” is really patronising and people who say are generally a gigantic pita.

If it’s an optional activity and you already know it would be miserable then I think you’re fine to give it a miss. Something like an essential trip to the doctor, or that your other kids want to do, that’s when you have to stand your ground IMO.

Though I would say that as long as you don’t give in immediately when thd kids start whining and get them out, and the pushchair is comfy (we got things like footmuffs etc) it’s good to get them through the phase pretty quickly- I had the opposite problem- my 4 yr old loved the pushchair and never wanted to walk!

I mean technically she's probably right but its a very annoying and up yourself phrase and it would irritate me too. I just wouldn't presume to tell anyone how to parent.

I’m with you. I don’t see the point in spending money and time on an optional activity where a large percentage will be spent listening to my toddler screeching and trying to escape the buggy. It just won’t be enjoyable for any of us.

Yep.

Tell them you ARE being the parent and you’ve decided your family won’t enjoy it this year.

Have you tried her on baby reins? Especially the backpack ones? Might give her some of the independence she wants, even in the busier places.

Perhaps two issues, your DC not liking the pushchair is just one of those things but yes, sometimes you do have to just force them into it and get on with your day. I had a friend who would spend 15 mins cajoling her DC into his pram or car seat whilst he did the plank manoeuvre to avoid it. It was agonising to watch, thinking ‘just get on with it!’

The event isn’t worth going to if you don’t think you’ll enjoy it, irrespective of pushchair issues.

I'm with your friend. Slippery slope letting an 18 month old be the boss.

I think that's called 'picking your battles' - so I'm with you. If it's not an essential outing and it would be miserable for both of you, then skip it.

Save the battles over being in the pushchair for when it is essential for safety or logistics.