To be a bit annoyed to be told to ‘be the parent’?

I would slightly disagree on parenting. 3 toddlers take them out myself no pushchair they love walking and always been encouraged to. They already know when it's ok to run riot like parks etc or when it's time to stay close to mummy and hold hands. I couldn't imagine them wanting to be tied down in a pushchair they love walking and when required to sit down will happily sit down. It's all about making it fun but also being firm about what's expected at certain places. Tantrums are a young ones way of saying I'm not happy so let's figure another way. The same way worked for my teens aswell

I'm with DD on this one. I still remember the discomfort of sitting in that flipping pushchair half a century ago.
Sometimes you have to insist on DC doing something for their safety or wellbeing, but having a 'fun' day out is not one of them if the child will be upset by it. But does she have to be in the pushchair? Could you manage with her roaming free and take breaks or go home once she's tired? Personally I think those strips which attach toddler to parent are in some cases kinder than pushchairs.

If you’re at the point were you’re avoiding going places because of your child behaviour, then you’ve got a problem.

You would’ve gone if your child wasn’t a pain in the pushchair, so it’s their behaviour making you miss out on stuff.

You ignore whinging etc and just get on with the day there, children learn very quickly if they have a parent that never gives in to them for an easy life.

Yeah that’s annoying.

I think people forget (or don’t know?) how there are some battle it’s just not worth having at some points.

At 18 months old it can be very difficult because they don’t understand anything very well, so it’s just a battle of wills.

I wouldn’t fancy an event with a hysterical toddler either, no fun for anyway. ‘Be the parent’ and have a miserable few hours together. Lovely.

This! Completely different if it was a doctors appointment for example, but if it’s an event for her that she won’t enjoy, what’s the point

YANBU at all. People can be really hard of thinking about this stuff.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with avoiding a non-essential activity or outing which you know your child will struggle with. The child has absolutely no idea that the activity is even happening, so there is no risk of reinforcing negative behaviour. You're just making a pragmatic decision to spend you time in a way that is more enjoyable for everyone as a whole.

What IS a big problem is when parents give in to a child's demands because the can't cope with the whinging/crying etc. THAT is what sets up a pattern of bad behaviour.

It is far, far better to make as few demands as possible (e.g. by avoiding things you know will be difficult) but the have absolutely IRON CLAD boundaries for the non-negotiables.

I'm wondering if there are other issues she perceives in your parenting and this situation is the one where she's expressing it?

I think this is a good application of "pick your battles"
It's non-essential, going or not makes no difference to a toddler and there's no negative impact to anyone else.

"Be the parent" would apply to something like letting a toddler charge and shriek their way around a restaurant ruining everyone elses' evening, or letting a young child have un-restricted and un-filtered use of screens where there are negative impacts caused by a lack of parental boundaries.

I had a similar 18 month old and it was a nightmare when he didn't want to be in the buggy, which sometimes he had to be. I'm
with you, an 18 month old is not developed enough to manipulate such a situation!

Not practical for such an event but he had a scooter with a seat and whizzed along on that instead of the buggy - it did mean me running behind him sometimes but it tired him out and he was moving faster than his toddler legs let him.

All children are different; my eldest was absolutely fine with the buggy at that age.

Generally she doesn’t want to walk, she wants to be carried (not in a backpack style carrier either, in my arms) which is obviously impractical.

That does get old fast.

Our youngest toddler manage a day out without needing pushchair - we dumped coats and bags in it - so IL insisted it wouldn't be needed on holiday - MIL going on how she carried DH at older age for miles so we'd all be fine. Took a day on holiday with her wanting to be carried - and there were four of us all healthy adults -before DH and I hired a pushchair and IL gushed about what a great idea the hired pushchair was.

She'll get more stamina as she ages so this will soon pass - so rather than get stressed missing is perfectly sensible way forward.

The DD behaviour is dictating which family activities are suitable. That's a terrible state of affairs. She's the boss.......she just doesn't know it yet. Gonna be a nightmare when she realises.

😂😂

Yanbu, I’m very against letting kids be the boss but in this case you are making a sensible decision. As a previous poster said we weren’t letting our kids be the boss when we didn’t eat out between the ages of them being 2-5 we were avoiding battles we didn’t want to get involved in.

She obviously wants you to go and was pissed off that you're not going because your dd doesn't like the pram - that's why she was snarky.
It makes sense to not go if your dd isn't going to enjoy it IMO - unless there's a huge back story where you just let dd rule the roost!

God I’d be quite stunned if a friend of mine told me to ‘be the parent’…. It’s quite a superior/condescending thing to say! It implies she’s been watching your parenting and has judged that usually you’re too soft, and she disapproves. And that you should respect her judgement and take her disapproval seriously.

Not particularly friendly at all!

My youngest has always hated the pram. We went to a festival and it was a nightmare. We bought one of those wagons that you pull along and it was a game changer! What kid doesn’t love a wagon? And you can keep all your stuff in it too

I'd have them in and out pushchair - carry for a bit and have backpack reins so they could walk - and still go - but if it's too much and no-one going to enjoy it why bother.

As long as when you do need them in pushchair they are in then I really don't see an issue.

Yes you might try go and be the parent, but are YOU gonna enjoy it? Or this is going to be nightmare for you and you gonna end up being stressed out?
If you say yes to second then none should convince you to do otherwise.

You are being the parent, by deciding this isn’t an event your family will enjoy this year. It’s no different to deciding not to go to a fancy restaurant for dinner at 7pm because your eighteen month old will likely cry and not eat the food or avoiding taking her to the ballet because she’d be bored and whine through it. She’s eighteen months old, not ten years - she’s hardly going to be reasonable!

It’s not like your toddler is sitting at home thinking “Ha, I showed her - we didn’t go to x event because I won’t sit in the pushchair, I won!!”

Why would you not go to the event because of it?

Can't you just take her and let her in/out of the pushchair?

YANBU. There are plenty of other times your DD will need to be strapped into the pushchair because you have to run an errand or go to the dr etc. On those occasions you’ll need to “be the parent” and insist.

Going to a local event is optional. No need to have the fight if you know her whining will ruin it for everyone.